My Dad trying to correct my speech

[Cinnamon115]

This is a little tough to explain. When I'm talking to people that I don't know very well, I have no speech issues because I try to talk "normally". However, when I'm home I talk in a way that feels natural and easy to me, like I have a habit of tacking an 's' on the end of the last word of my sentences. ex: "Sorrys" instead of "Sorry" or "okays" instead of "okay". I feel happier when I talk this way, and I feel like I can say what I want without being judged. The problem is my dad has been trying to correct my speech. It's annoying because when I'm talking to him about something I'm happy or excited about and instead of getting his opinion, I get "Stop talking like that." or "You're using the baby voice again." It hurts my feelings a lot and it makes me not want to talk to him, even though I love spending time with him. My dad is the only one that has a problem with it, my mom and brothers don't care. What should I do?

 

[Judge]

This is a little tough to explain. When I'm talking to people that I don't know very well, I have no speech issues because I try to talk "normally". However, when I'm home I talk in a way that feels natural and easy to me, like I have a habit of tacking an 's' on the end of the last word of my sentences.

Have you explicitly explained yourself to your father using these exact words? If not, doing so might at least leverage him into explaining his reasoning.

The way I see it, the most important thing is that you have control over such an issue with those who don't really know you.

Just keep in mind some parents are just hellbent on micromanaging their kids, for whatever reason. I had my share of this with a military father. Hopefully in better understanding what motivates you both to do what you do might allow you guys to find some common ground in it all.

 

[Cinnamon115]

I haven't explained to my dad that I talk "normally" around other people because I'm afraid he will say "Good, then you will have no problem doing that at home." Also, my dad is in the military too. Do you think that could have something to do with his belief on this?

 

[Judge]

I haven't explained to my dad that I talk "normally" around other people because I'm afraid he will say "Good, then you will have no problem doing that at home." Also, my dad is in the military too. Do you think that could have something to do with his belief on this?

LOL. Yeah, you could say that.

Indeed, he may rationalize that if you have control over it that you should do so under any and all circumstances. Military mentality. Where "Can't means won't".

 

[Cinnamon115]

(Sigh) Well, I don't what I can do on that then. It's odd, I thought my dad would be more understanding of this than my mom, because my dad has mentioned that he has ADHD tendencies and I thought he would understand what I mean. Now that I'm thinking about it, I remember one time he told me that he had trouble when he first became a lawyer because people were unwilling to believe a young lawyer could do the job well. Maybe he doesn't want the same thing happening to me when I become a teacher?

 

[Judge]

(Sigh) Well, I don't what I can do on that then. It's odd, I thought my dad would be more understanding of this than my mom, because my dad has mentioned that he has ADHD tendencies and I thought he would understand what I mean. Now that I'm thinking about it, I remember one time he told me that he had trouble when he first became a lawyer because people were unwilling to believe a young lawyer could do the job well. Maybe he doesn't want the same thing happening to me when I become a teacher?

In my family it was my mother who had all the understanding and sympathy. My NT father also had his share of struggles, but he always approached everything from a perspective of tenacity and perseverance. Which in his world often left little room for understanding or sympathy.

Quite often for a number of reasons, growing up in a military family wasn't easy.

 

[The Penguin]

This can be annoying and I can relate very well. I have a language based learning disability. During my childhood, I had speech issues. As I got older, I got better and people don't notice I use to have major speech issues.

There times I have issues pronouncing words including my own name. When I say my name, sometimes people think I'm saying Wayne instead of William. When speaking, their people try to correct me and sometimes explain grammar. The problem is, grammar does not make any sense to me. No matter how hard I try, I never get it or it takes me forever to understand and most people don't have that type of patience.

 

[Judge]

There times I have issues pronouncing words including my own name. When I say my name, sometimes people think I'm saying Wayne instead of William. When speaking, their people try to correct me and sometimes explain grammar. The problem is, grammar does not make any sense to me. No matter how hard I try, I never get it or it takes me forever to understand and most people don't have that type of patience.

I think most people fundamentally don't grasp and cannot relate to how "final" neurological conditions can be. That they just think everything is a matter of attitude and that anyone can truly change if they want to. Very frustrating when the same people can see traits and behaviors one can change, as well as those which they cannot change, no matter what.

I suspect it's a key issue for my cousin, who sees my perceived autism as something merely psychological rather than neurological. Even though she should professionally and intellectually know better. Go figure.

 

[The Penguin]

I think most people fundamentally don't grasp and cannot relate to how "final" neurological conditions can be. That they just think everything is a matter of attitude and that anyone can truly change if they want to. Very frustrating when the same people can see traits and behaviors one can change, as well as those which they cannot change, no matter what.

Right. My last employer notice I had minor communication issues. He thought some extra English classes would help me. After this suggestion, this is when I told them about my LD. I have done several extra English classes including in college and there still many things I struggle with and don't understand. There was one case I failed an English course.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

This can be annoying and I can relate very well. I have a language based learning disability. During my childhood, I had speech issues. As I got older, I got better and people don't notice I use to have major speech issues.

There times I have issues pronouncing words including my own name. When I say my name, sometimes people think I'm saying Wayne instead of William.

I'm like this. I had speech problems too, I couldn't speak until I was four. Even now how twenty four I still have minor problems. And also like you I trip over my own name a few times and have to repeat it.

Ah, the embarrassment...

 

[Cinnamon115]

I really don't have a problem talking "correctly" in front of other people, it's just that it's draining for me and requires a lot of effort. I talk in the way I described above at home because it makes me feel better, like taking my shoes off after a long day at school. The big reason I'm asking for help on this now is that I'll be with my family for nearly a week for thanksgiving, and if I have to deal with my dad correcting my speech every time I open my mouth, I'll be miserable.

 

[The Penguin]

I really don't have a problem talking "correctly" in front of other people, it's just that it's draining for me and requires a lot of effort. I talk in the way I described above at home because it makes me feel better, like taking my shoes off after a long day at school. The big reason I'm asking for help on this now is that I'll be with my family for nearly a week for thanksgiving, and if I have to deal with my dad correcting my speech every time I open my mouth, I'll be miserable.

It kinda similar for me but in writing. I can try my best to write well and most people can get an idea what I"m trying to say. However, if I talk to someone knows me well, I will put less energy in my writing so I can communicate faster. There so many people don't understand how much energy it takes me to write.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I think you just need to tell him that, you're entitled to be at ease at home. It's either that or you start correcting him on every little mistake he makes and see how he like it.

 

[Naturalist]

I have this problem at the moment with my husband. I have to put so much effort into behaving a certain way at work, that I am often borderline nonfunctional when I get home. In order to recharge my energy, I need to feel that it's okay for me to be a bit odd or ridiculous at home, because sometimes that behavior reflects my level of relaxation. Like walking around with a fox hat on my head, which is comforting, or carrying my toy horse in my pocket. These things tell me that I am at home and that I can be myself. But my husband thinks I need to model adult behavior so that our son feels that I am a reliable parent.

The irony is that my son has a cheetah hat, and he loves it when we wear our hats together! He also insisted that he needed a toy horse for his pocket, too.

I think teaching our kids that it is okay to be themselves, is a more important lesson than teaching them how to control their behavior 24/7. Everyone needs some time away from the pressure of behaving a certain way. That's why some people walk around their houses in their underwear, isn't it?

 

[Judge]

In order to recharge my energy, I need to feel that it's okay for me to be a bit odd or ridiculous at home, because sometimes that behavior reflects my level of relaxation.

Precisely. Tell him as much. It's an Aspie dynamic he should adjust to.

 

[Cinnamon115]

Okay then. I will tell my dad that I talk differently at home to relax. Thanks for the help everyone! I will let you guys know how it goes.

 

[Cinnamon115]

It's been a while since I posted here, I actually forgot about this. But here's how it went: When I told my dad I talk this way to relax when he was telling me to correct my speech, he yelled at me "I don't care! Stop acting like a baby!" It made me start crying, as my dad hasn't yelled at me since I was very little. So I've been back to square one since then, unsure of what to do. My dad did say to one of my brothers recently when I added an "s" to one of my words that he was allowed to pick on me for that whenever I talk that way now. He and my brother proceeded to pick on me for a few minutes before they left for boy scouts. I told my mom all of this as I was crying about it later and she was not happy with my dad.

 

[Adder1234]

Quite frankly, I have never been in this kind of situation, so I don't really know how you should deal with it. I do have a speech problem where I occasionally repeat words or entire sentences for no apparent reason, but no one I know has had any problem with it. However, I would solve this problem by refusing to have any contact with either your father or anyone else who doesn't accept the way that you talk. It shouldn't matter whether or not someone is related to you, if they don't like something about you then you shouldn't have to put up with it. And if they ask why you're ignoring them just say that you don't like them.