my dog and best friend has a tumor...

[fuðflogi]

as well as diabetes,blind,arthritis...yea, hes 12, so those things happen, and i know it sucks for him now , and i see that he will be better off, probably in a couple of days, and im happy for him, he deserves a rest, he has been my companion, friend,teacher,cheer leader,protection,excuse,the one i can tell everything too,hes been there for me when i just cant fathom the human race or understand my place in it, i always go to him and he doesn't judge me...8 years and then he got old, arthritic...and it became my supreme honor and duty to see him through the hardships of age and failing health, so happy to give back what little i could, in comparison to the abundance of love and joy he freely has given to me, my pleasure.
but here it is a day before the second opinion, ultrasound, and the needle the will be drawing out a large amount of fluid to relieve pressure on his lungs, so he can breath, assuming they don't tell me to put him down first, and see if its operable, the tumor. i know hes too old to survive it.so he gets to go home, awesome! i may or may not get too see him again when i die,and im glad, no pain...but the last few months of sticking him with needles, putting stuff in his eyes, shots, lancets, strictly controlling his diet to the point of being told im mean, and all the "bad daddy" stuff i did(for him not to him) to try and keep him healthy or at least comfortable, i have now become the last person he wants to be around, i dont get the excited to see you behavior anymore, that goes to the other daddy who hasn't had to be the bad daddy , so im grieving for for my friend , obsessed with all the ugly facts of death, obsessed with my helplessness ,his suffering, it seems i have never felt so devastated in my 45 years on the planet,but i cant stop crying and wanting to talk about it to him, with my partner...they all say i cant go around him for making it worse by picking up on my grief, so here i am instead of spending my last precious moments with him, who i so desperately want and need to be there for...because i cant control my outward expression of my grief. it has me feeling so worthless i want to go with him.
i just need to say all this, hoping someone can understand the depth of my pain, and understands what it means to lose a companion animal when your on the spectrum

there he is, hes everything and now i have nothing.

 

[Katleya]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I think a lot of us here know exactly what you mean, and are scared of the day when it will happen, so I can't begin to imagine how it feels when it's actually happening.

I had a cat best friend for over 19 years, one of those cats who behave like dogs, and I couldn't be there when he got ill and had to be put to sleep a few days later because I was studying abroad. While I knew of his tumor, my parents made sure not to tell me about the cat passing away until I returned, because they knew I wouldn't have been able to handle those news alone, thousands of miles away. It's been almost 6 years & I still have tears in my eyes just typing about it, and yes, I definitely remember the fear and regrets about the last moments that you are currently dealing with.
I do hope you manage to have a few more quality moments with your dog.

 

[Streetwise]

as well as diabetes,blind,arthritis...yea, hes 12, so those things happen, and i know it sucks for him now , and i see that he will be better off, probably in a couple of days, and im happy for him, he deserves a rest, he has been my companion, friend,teacher,cheer leader,protection,excuse,the one i can tell everything too,hes been there for me when i just cant fathom the human race or understand my place in it, i always go to him and he doesn't judge me...8 years and then he got old, arthritic...and it became my supreme honor and duty to see him through the hardships of age and failing health, so happy to give back what little i could, in comparison to the abundance of love and joy he freely has given to me, my pleasure.
but here it is a day before the second opinion, ultrasound, and the needle the will be drawing out a large amount of fluid to relieve pressure on his lungs, so he can breath, assuming they don't tell me to put him down first, and see if its operable, the tumor. i know hes too old to survive it.so he gets to go home, awesome! i may or may not get too see him again when i die,and im glad, no pain...but the last few months of sticking him with needles, putting stuff in his eyes, shots, lancets, strictly controlling his diet to the point of being told im mean, and all the "bad daddy" stuff i did(for him not to him) to try and keep him healthy or at least comfortable, i have now become the last person he wants to be around, i dont get the excited to see you behavior anymore, that goes to the other daddy who hasn't had to be the bad daddy , so im grieving for for my friend , obsessed with all the ugly facts of death, obsessed with my helplessness ,his suffering, it seems i have never felt so devastated in my 45 years on the planet,but i cant stop crying and wanting to talk about it to him, with my partner...they all say i cant go around him for making it worse by picking up on my grief, so here i am instead of spending my last precious moments with him, who i so desperately want and need to be there for...because i cant control my outward expression of my grief. it has me feeling so worthless i want to go with him.
i just need to say all this, hoping someone can understand the depth of my pain, and understands what it means to lose a companion animal when your on the spectrumView attachment 43019 there he is, hes everything and now i have nothing.

wish I had a photo of my dog jay she had haemangiosarcoma,
it was indescribable to Watch her have fits and become incontinent and the vet trying to encourage me to let him kill her,I'm a Christian killing is unnatural to me so I brought her home ,they offered no chemotherapy just diuretics and analgesia .I finally allowed the vet to kill her after a month kept her in the house for a week ,now she's in the garden ,I know where she is ,now the indescribable what I legally have to call children can't torment her .

 

[pjcnet]

The only thing I hate about having a cat or dog (personally I have a cat) is the fear of losing them and their relatively short lifespan compared to us, but the many advantages massively outweigh this one disadvantage. I'm sorry to hear this and I know exactly how it feels, my previous cat died of cancer and ultimately had to be put to sleep to avoid her suffering when she suddenly deteriorated and became very ill with probably only a few more days to live anyway, I remember pleading with the vet in tears, but there was nothing more that could be done for her. I didn't realise it before I'd ever lost a pet myself, but losing a pet is as hard as losing a close family member. I paid extra for her to be cremated properly and I have her ashes in her memory, I will never forget her and even thinking back now over 2 years later it still really hurts, but I have learnt to live with it and move on. In fact against all advice to grieve for a while first, I adopted a new cat from a local rescue centre the very next day, it felt really disrespectful at first having a different cat around, but in many ways I'm glad I did as it helped me cope and my current cat desperately needed a new loving home. No-one else would adopt her entirely because she has no tail and she was stuck at the cat sanctuary for ages, but I think it's a unique quality and this hasn't noticeably affected her ability to jump and balance either. Despite not really believing it could happen at first, I have now formed a very strong bond similar to my previous cat, she is however most definitely not the same cat and has a totally different personality which I have grown to love just as much.

 

[Thinx]

So sorry to hear about your dog and sorry for everyone here's losses. I lost my dear older cat in August, I don't myself like to put them thru painful treatments unless it's very effective to improve their quality of life. He didn't suffer too much but he was arthritic and not right, like you say it happened overy 3 or 4 years he was 14 last year in May. His brother died in 2013 with a stroke aged 9 years 8 months that was very hard and sudden, again I decided to let the vet give an injection as didn't want him to have another stroke it looked so painful and his back legs wouldn't work, the blood clot lodges there apparently. He was such a dear boy, and now his brother s with him. In my mind I have an idea they come back as kittens again, it feels as if it could be true. I like to think he was waiting for his bro and they're coming back together, not to me probably but somewhere. I have their ashes. I still have the little girl who moved in when I moved here she liked her big foster bro he was still feisty along the walls at the back and he thought he owned 3 gardens both ways! I'm sorry for your situation now, he sounds like a dear friend and it's so hard to lose him, yet it's true he will be out of the pain and I imagine him loping up to heaven oops maybe to chase a few cats... I still talk to my two boys in my head sometimes, and try to think of how they had happy lives and would not want me to be sad.

 

[Streetwise]

as well as diabetes,blind,arthritis...yea, hes 12, so those things happen, and i know it sucks for him now , and i see that he will be better off, probably in a couple of days, and im happy for him, he deserves a rest, he has been my companion, friend,teacher,cheer leader,protection,excuse,the one i can tell everything too,hes been there for me when i just cant fathom the human race or understand my place in it, i always go to him and he doesn't judge me...8 years and then he got old, arthritic...and it became my supreme honor and duty to see him through the hardships of age and failing health, so happy to give back what little i could, in comparison to the abundance of love and joy he freely has given to me, my pleasure.
but here it is a day before the second opinion, ultrasound, and the needle the will be drawing out a large amount of fluid to relieve pressure on his lungs, so he can breath, assuming they don't tell me to put him down first, and see if its operable, the tumor. i know hes too old to survive it.so he gets to go home, awesome! i may or may not get too see him again when i die,and im glad, no pain...but the last few months of sticking him with needles, putting stuff in his eyes, shots, lancets, strictly controlling his diet to the point of being told im mean, and all the "bad daddy" stuff i did(for him not to him) to try and keep him healthy or at least comfortable, i have now become the last person he wants to be around, i dont get the excited to see you behavior anymore, that goes to the other daddy who hasn't had to be the bad daddy , so im grieving for for my friend , obsessed with all the ugly facts of death, obsessed with my helplessness ,his suffering, it seems i have never felt so devastated in my 45 years on the planet,but i cant stop crying and wanting to talk about it to him, with my partner...they all say i cant go around him for making it worse by picking up on my grief, so here i am instead of spending my last precious moments with him, who i so desperately want and need to be there for...because i cant control my outward expression of my grief. it has me feeling so worthless i want to go with him.
i just need to say all this, hoping someone can understand the depth of my pain, and understands what it means to lose a companion animal when your on the spectrumView attachment 43019 there he is, hes everything and now i have nothing.

you will still want to live !same as the dog !would have !animals are very wise !.

 

[Gracey]

Get your ass back in the room with him, push everyone out of the way if you have to, hold him, thank him and say goodbye.

Express gratitude for all of the times he’s been there for you and what that has meant to you.

If you can’t get into that room with him, write it down on a piece of paper, he’ll hear it.
Don’t leave it and never say it.


If they have to draw fluid from his lungs, they won’t put him under an anaesthetic for surgery. It will kill him.

I am sorry this is happening to you. If you know your dog is leaving, go and say goodbye.

 

[pjcnet]

you will still want to live !same as the dog !would have !animals are very wise !.

This is true up to a point, it is also common for animals to get to the stage where they will give up and wait for the inevitable. Similar can be true with humans, my grandad became very ill with cancer, he was 86 years old, but it wasn't any less upsetting, he said, "I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep", when he could still talk in hospital, but sadly the laws of the country prevented this happening and they kept him alive suffering for another 2 months as I watched him waste away. If an animal can't have a reasonable quality of life again then I think it's okay to help them to sleep, rather than going through further suffering. I say this as someone who has a lot of respect for animals and a vegetarian for 22 years. I agree that animals can be very wise however.

 

[Fitzo]

I totally understand how you feel. I have two dogs and I am dreading the day I lose them. I love them more than anyone else on the planet. But I would always choose to let them go if they were suffering and no longer had any quality of life. I only wish I had the same option for myself when and if the time comes. It is my biggest fear as I grow older.

 

[Tom]

Stay the course and help him (your dog) as much as you can. Use your best judgement. Yes it sucks but then at some point its over and you will never regret it. Don't worry if you make a mistake. You gave it your best.

 

[Judge]

Truth be told I was never able to get over the loss of my last pet in 2005. I still remember the look on her little face as I handed her over to the vet for the last time.

RIP to all of our little friends lost over the years.

 

[fuðflogi]

i love you all so much! thanks. hes gone now, i was able to be with him till the end, i watched his heart, his amazing, giant compassionate heart, stop beating. but i know it was the right thing,i told him how much i love him, listed all the things he taught me, and how im a much better person now. he was in so much pain and he couldn't get enough oxygen,tumors all over inside his abdomen, a mass restricting blood to his hind quarters, but he didn't show he was suffering, well in hindsight he showed more than i picked up on...i know, pack behavior dictates they don't show weakness, but im relieved he is home now, they say ill see him again, proof would be nice, but i did what i had to do, the only thing i could do,i cant see any kind of future, he was what gave me purpose in this messed up world, now i have no purpose.
im so happy some of you TRULY understand the depth of my grief, i don't feel as alone. i live with two people, and seeing them go about business as if he never existed at all, makes want to scream at them ,that the devastation should be in them as well, the world is a darker place now for sure...anyone have or have had a dog that says thank you when you give him a rawhide? he would take it, then touch hes nose to my knee then wander off to eat it. he used to bring me his plush toy in the shape of the sun any time i would cry.
so angry with god! he didn't deserve to suffer, he was a light in this world

and god couldn't see fit to keep him from suffering! anyway, thanks you guys. i wish you all the best of health, for your fur friends and for yourselves.

 

[Streetwise]

i love you all so much! thanks. hes gone now, i was able to be with him till the end, i watched his heart, his amazing, giant compassionate heart, stop beating. but i know it was the right thing,i told him how much i love him, listed all the things he taught me, and how im a much better person now. he was in so much pain and he couldn't get enough oxygen,tumors all over inside his abdomen, a mass restricting blood to his hind quarters, but he didn't show he was suffering, well in hindsight he showed more than i picked up on...i know, pack behavior dictates they don't show weakness, but im relieved he is home now, they say ill see him again, proof would be nice, but i did what i had to do, the only thing i could do,i cant see any kind of future, he was what gave me purpose in this messed up world, now i have no purpose.
im so happy some of you TRULY understand the depth of my grief, i don't feel as alone. i live with two people, and seeing them go about business as if he never existed at all, makes want to scream at them ,that the devastation should be in them as well, the world is a darker place now for sure...anyone have or have had a dog that says thank you when you give him a rawhide? he would take it, then touch hes nose to my knee then wander off to eat it. he used to bring me his plush toy in the shape of the sun any time i would cry.
so angry with god! he didn't deserve to suffer, he was a light in this world View attachment 43045 and god couldn't see fit to keep him from suffering! anyway, thanks you guys. i wish you all the best of health, for your fur friends and for yourselves.

 

[Thinx]

So sorry for your loss. What a dear brave boy he was. He hung in there as long as he could and now he's free from the pain, at least. And he will want you to be ok, too. So sorry he's gone.

 

[Fitzo]

Losing your best friend is heartbreaking and I never understand how people can act like it's no big deal! I absolutely want to scream at people who say 'it's only a dog'. May your wonderful companion rest in peace and I hope the pain becomes easier to bear over time.

 

[pjcnet]

i love you all so much! thanks. hes gone now, i was able to be with him till the end, i watched his heart, his amazing, giant compassionate heart, stop beating. but i know it was the right thing,i told him how much i love him, listed all the things he taught me, and how im a much better person now. he was in so much pain and he couldn't get enough oxygen,tumors all over inside his abdomen, a mass restricting blood to his hind quarters, but he didn't show he was suffering, well in hindsight he showed more than i picked up on...i know, pack behavior dictates they don't show weakness, but im relieved he is home now, they say ill see him again, proof would be nice, but i did what i had to do, the only thing i could do,i cant see any kind of future, he was what gave me purpose in this messed up world, now i have no purpose.
im so happy some of you TRULY understand the depth of my grief, i don't feel as alone. i live with two people, and seeing them go about business as if he never existed at all, makes want to scream at them ,that the devastation should be in them as well, the world is a darker place now for sure...anyone have or have had a dog that says thank you when you give him a rawhide? he would take it, then touch hes nose to my knee then wander off to eat it. he used to bring me his plush toy in the shape of the sun any time i would cry.
so angry with god! he didn't deserve to suffer, he was a light in this world View attachment 43045 and god couldn't see fit to keep him from suffering! anyway, thanks you guys. i wish you all the best of health, for your fur friends and for yourselves.

When my cat Chrissy was ill I even tried spiritual healing (it was free), I obviously can't prove it, but maybe that's why my cat lived much longer with terminal cancer than the vet said she would and was still living a full life, going out right up until the night before she was put to sleep after she suddenly dramatically deteriorated. I always remember what the healer said to me after she'd gone, he said, "I will continue to send healing to Chrissy, when she has recovered from her earthy condition she will be reunited with you.", I hope that is true and you are also reunited with your dog one day.

 

[fuðflogi]

people cant seem to see how deeply some of us feel, deeper than most, at least its that way for me, i cant seem to get the image of his body laying in the corner of the room on a brightly colored blanket as his heart stopped, i feel i should have carried his body somewhere, i wanted to bring him home and bury him close in the yard, but we opted for cremation , his ashes in a little ceder box with a plaque that says "Booga" that was what i called him. i don't know what to do with it, ill probably put it under one of the paintings i made of him. i cant just let go, i think ill mourn the rest of my days.
thanks guys.

 

[Streetwise]

people cant seem to see how deeply some of us feel, deeper than most, at least its that way for me, i cant seem to get the image of his body laying in the corner of the room on a brightly colored blanket as his heart stopped, i feel i should have carried his body somewhere, i wanted to bring him home and bury him close in the yard, but we opted for cremation , his ashes in a little ceder box with a plaque that says "Booga" that was what i called him. i don't know what to do with it, ill probably put it under one of the paintings i made of him. i cant just let go, i think ill mourn the rest of my days.
thanks guys.

I don't think death is something we are designed for ,so it's natural to want to see a body after it stopped breathing.
how long you take to incorporate the change is unique to you.
i'm still incorporating change after 18 years (mam)-mom,seven years for my dog ,four years for my kitten, three years for my cat , it's horrific to live this way .

 

[pjcnet]

people cant seem to see how deeply some of us feel, deeper than most, at least its that way for me, i cant seem to get the image of his body laying in the corner of the room on a brightly colored blanket as his heart stopped, i feel i should have carried his body somewhere, i wanted to bring him home and bury him close in the yard, but we opted for cremation , his ashes in a little ceder box with a plaque that says "Booga" that was what i called him. i don't know what to do with it, ill probably put it under one of the paintings i made of him. i cant just let go, i think ill mourn the rest of my days.
thanks guys.

I know how you feel, I'm not certain what is in your area, but there are "pet bereavement support" groups and helplines around the world that can offer some support if you Google them. I remember calling a helpline in the UK that helped support me through it when I lost my cat, it obviously doesn't take the grief away, but it does help to have someone to talk to that truly understands. It feels like you won't be-able to let go forever, you will never ever forget Booga and he will always bring a tear to your eye when you think back, but with time you will cope with the loss better and you will be-able to move on. I'm sure Booga would always want to be remembered along with all the good times you had with him, but at the same time he wouldn't want you to grieve over him forever and he is in a better place now.