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My family doesn't want to talk about asperger's with me?

manca

manca

Well-Known Member
As I've told in my intro thread, I was always a bit "weird" and now, when I finally understand why, my family doesn't even seem to be interested in what I have. My mom listened at first about how this differs from autism we've heard about before, said "well, it would be weird if you weren't aspie" and she doesn't want to discuss it anymore. She just doesn't make comments about what I tell about it or keeps her interest on something else (tv, etc).

I went to my sister's family yesterday, hoping we could talk there, but neighbors had birthday party, so we couldn't talk much. I could only tell her that I have problem with communication and reading body signs, that I'm not empathetic, when we were disrupted. She then asked if I was planning to see a doctor and I told her I probably won't, because I worry about my future employment possibilities with official diagnosis. That was all we could talk about alone.

I went there today again and I tried opening this theme several times, but no one wants or tries to make a real conversation. They just say oh really and mhm and so on. I heard my sister say her husband: "Oh, she doesn't need that, she's asocial." When I made it perfectly clear yesterday that I want company, but I have problems with communication. I responded to her asocial comment and again repeated that I'm not asocial, only have issues with communicating. She said that I'll have to work on that when I'll want to make my own family.
I tried talking about asperger's with my nephew (14yo) and he didn't even know, sister said we didn't tell him. I said, he should know, he's family and she started to say that I shouldn't tell people around about that and to make it clear to him that he shouldn't tell either. I got distracted with something and couldn't even finish explaining to my nephew.

I have no friends, I feel very lonely. I was sure we could make a long debate about this with my sister's family but I was wrong.
 
Hi Manca,

I am sorry that your family is not being supportive. You may have difficulties communicating but your writing looks good to me. English is not your first language and your post is perfectly understandable. Have you tried writing letters to your family, telling them how their attitude makes you feel and what support you require from them?
 
You might want to consider an official dx only because it might help open the door for you and your parents to actually talk about it and why its important. I agree with Cyanide Lollipop that you might try writing them a letter and having them read it. Maybe then they will under that it is important to you that you took the time to try to be understood. Its worth a try.
 
I managed to talk to mom! :D It took lots of planning... I talked to her when we were in car. We had a nice debate and she was cooperating. I also told her how it was at my sister's house and she told me that they talked about that few days ago alone and my sister was worried that she has asperger's too. I don't think she does, though.

I think my mom could be really helpful if we talked more, she could explain things to me. I was explaining her how noone texted or called me for Christmas and new year last year and that I was hurt because of that and she asked me if I texted anyone. I didn't, it didn't even cross my mind.

I'm really worried that if I went to doctor and got the diagnosis I would have really hard time getting a job. I'm studying to become engineer of radiology, so that's working in hospital, with patients. It's already hard to get the job and if I had diagnosis they would definitely pick "the normal ones" over me. I would like to see a psychologist, but it really seems that I should wait until I have a job and people will see that I'm perfectly capable of doing it. Now, if I say I have asperger's syndrome, they'll just think she's the one with autism, she'll throw tantrums, won't be able to take care for patients, etc.
 
Excellent, Manca! It seems like your Mum wants to be on your side and I agree with your assessment. Communication needs to be in both directions. Good luck! :smile:

Do you need to disclose your diagnosis when seeking employment? If not, then go to a psychologist to get what you need, but don't tell anyone of your diagnosis unless you feel that you need to. A lot of success in job interviews comes down to how well you prepare for the interview.
 
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manca said:
I'm really worried that if I went to doctor and got the diagnosis I would have really hard time getting a job. I'm studying to become engineer of radiology, so that's working in hospital, with patients. It's already hard to get the job and if I had diagnosis they would definitely pick "the normal ones" over me. I would like to see a psychologist, but it really seems that I should wait until I have a job and people will see that I'm perfectly capable of doing it. Now, if I say I have asperger's syndrome, they'll just think she's the one with autism, she'll throw tantrums, won't be able to take care for patients, etc.
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The diagnosis might actually make it easier to get a job. Because without the diagnosis, they might reject you after interviews because lack of eye contact, wrong facial expressions, or something like that, but with the diagnosis they might recognize those as signs of aspergers and not hold them against you.
 
I don't know where you are from but here in the states you don't have to disclose your dx unless you want to or need accommodations on the job. Plus you can disclose after you get the job there is nothing that says you have to tell anyone.

I am glad that your mom was willing to listen and have the conversation with you. Who knows maybe your sister does have too but at least its a talking point. A place to start.
 
I've read on a slovene site about aspies that you hardly get a job if you have official diagnosis. I don't know how true is that and if you have to tell, but I'd rather wait. I've survived without help for so long, but if it gets worse or if I get troubled I'll definitely get some help.
 
It sounds to me like your parents are not understanding the difficulties you are experiencing or perhaps find it embarassing for them whilst they should be thinking about you.

:(
 
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