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My friend does not want me to talk to girls.

Tony Ramirez

Tony Ramirez

Forever Alone Aspie
V.I.P Member
Yet he is happily married. He says I am not ready emotionally. I don't treat them like a person because I watch some erotica.

I am an bit irritating as he does not seem like a good friend telling me not to talk to them which I have extremely anxious with girls I don't know. He says to just avoid them from Church as my intentions are not pure and I should just live alone or with just couples and guy friends.
 
If you want to talk to females, that's your business. He has zero control over you. Just thank him and tell him you will think about it.

It seems he may feel you don't want a serious relationship. Where he got this from - l don't know. Friends first is alway great. Many people rush into marriage and end up divorcing because they never took time to really learn about who they are dating.
 
Yeah he does not want me to have any serious relationship with all my problems he says I am not ready yet. But the way he said it was to talk to any girls I don't know.
 
The only way for you to improve your communication is to start talking to girls, woman too.

This will help you see that woman are sometimes shy like you, and it's perfectly okay.

Like l said, l started out extremely shy, and l took a drama class and that did help a little bit.
 
He has a point. You reek of desperation. You're trying to fix your life with another person. It's not the right intentions or state of mind.
 
It's just his opinion, but he does maybe have a point about how we need to invest in ourselves before we are likely to attract others. You don't come over as happy in yourself, and that's something you could work to improve, which would mean you feel better too.

Any chance you could join a therapy group? You'd get practice interacting, and pointers on how you come over. I learned a lot in therapy groups, it's a safe space for development.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
...I watch some erotica...
Click to expand...
Wait, I'm confused...
full

How can you be comfortable with "erotica," if you have a severe phobia of "vulgarities...?"

full
(Methinks it is shame... BTDT)
 
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Don't talk to girls? That is not even possible. Men and women are everywhere.
 
You should talk to lots of girls and women, to gain talking experience. Just don't try flirting before you're comfortable with talking.
See women whichever way you like, but if your imagination leans toward indecent, don't let it show on your face or in your speech.
Treating someone as a person has little to do with what your imagination is like, and everything to do with your words and actions.

Viewing humans as the worst mistake DNA ever made, doesn't mean I can't treat every human I meet as a person. And nobody will ever know which of the humans I secretly treat as sexual objects inside my mind. Or if I even do that.
 
OkRad said:
Don't talk to girls? That is not even possible. Men and women are everywhere.
Click to expand...
That's true. Even talking to the cashier is something even though I am to anxious to engage in any real conversation except how much?, put that item in that bag?, no I don't have a shoppers card?. That's it.

Otherwise there is no conversion. I also would think you would not agree with my friend so easy I bet many of you that agreed are married.
 
If you don't trust his advice, is there someone else you can talk to who's advice you would trust. I held off on serious relationships for a long time. I probably should have tried harder to at least get dates during that time. I got married at 40 a couple years after deciding I was ready for serious relationships.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
That's true. Even talking to the cashier is something even though I am to anxious to engage in any real conversation except how much?, put that item in that bag?, no I don't have a shoppers card?. That's it.

Otherwise there is no conversion. I also would think you would not agree with my friend so easy I bet many of you that agreed are married.
Click to expand...
I don't agree with him at all. He sounds like he has no clue.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I am an bit irritating as he does not seem like a good friend telling me not to talk to them which I have extremely anxious with girls I don't know. He says to just avoid them from Church as my intentions are not pure and I should just live alone or with just couples and guy friends.
Click to expand...

If anyone needs to be avoided, IMO it's your alleged "friend". You don't need such people in your life.

No one should be saying that to you, short of a parole officer! Ghost him and don't look back.

Church may not be the best place to look for women, but it shouldn't preclude you from seeking that special someone somewhere. Hang in there Tony.
 
@Tony Ramirez, you have already broken the "fabric" wall in your mind without ever cultivating such intimacy necessary to do so in real life.
Premature intimacy is lewd, and that will be the vibe you radiate.
(I have definitely BTDT.)
You are "putting the cart before the horse."

From "Seven Brides For Seven Brothers" (1954),
Milly: Well, it wouldn't hurt you to learn some manners, too.
Adam: What do I need manners for? I already got me a wife.
 
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