My GP appointment is this afternoon

[Neia]

I'm going to see her today, around 6 pm.
I need to be able to convince her to let me be assessed.

We can't just walk in and ask for an appointment at an autism specialist clinic here in Portugal. At least that's what they told me when I called asking for info.

I'm already falling apart. Crying, trembling, hyperventilating... the usual.

I was wondering how I'll be able to keep it under control. But then thought:

Why?
Why try to keep it together till I can get home to the safety of my little corner, where I can curl up and just let go?

Why not let her see what it's like when I'm alone and no one can see me?

But I'm so used to hiding myself.
I know she probably wouldn't mock me if I did lose it, but I was well conditioned to keep it together in public.

It might make me feel like I'm dying, like my chest is going to explode. But I'll automatically try my hardest to hide any feelings that might upset others.

"Funny" thing. I found myself pinching the Web between my thumbs and my index fingers to stop myself from crying just now.
I'd never paid attention to this before.
I know that I do it, but had never thought of it before today. And I sometimes hit myself when I'm feeling frustrated.

That's another thing I'd never thought of before.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I hope you have a productive session

 

[Outdated]

Why?
Why try to keep it together till I can get home to the safety of my little corner, where I can curl up and just let go?
Why not let her see what it's like when I'm alone and no one can see me?

Most women have trouble getting an accurate diagnosis because they naturally tend to try and hide their differences more so than men, and they're usually better at it too.

If you could just let go a little bit in front of the doctor it would be in your best interests.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

If you are anxious and/or have difficulties with communication for any reason, I have found that writing things down while you have a clear mind and bringing it to your appointment often helps. Itemize your potential ASD traits, your "I might be autistic if..." list.

 

[jsilver256]

Let us know how it goes!

I can understand how nerve-wrecking it is, but given what you've written, I'd try and console myself.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Good luck!

Writing things down to bring with you is a good idea.

You might want to google Women with Autism and see what is there. I know I did not know that some of my issues were due to autism until I read an article on professional women with autism. I checked almost every box.

 

[Neia]

Just got home.

It went better than I expected. My doctor tried to divert my attention to other stuff, but for once my stubbornness was useful.

She finally told me that if my psychiatrist refuses to send me for assessment, there is a private clinic in my town

AHH! They were trying to distract me with difficulties... I'm going to tell my psychiatrist that if he refuses to let me have the tests there at the Hospital clinic, I'll go private and them send him the results.

Thank you all for your help. I can't express how grateful I am to have a place where I know that I'm understood in this broken world.

I'm exhausted though.

 

[Outdated]

I'm glad to hear it went well. And that you were assertive, if you don't stand up for yourself no one will.

 

[Tom]

Stay positive yet stubborn. There are definitely times when you must be assertive and be your own advocate.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Good work! It is tough to stand up to medical authorities. And exhausting. Rest.

 

[Rodafina]

I like your realization that sometimes holding it all together for a short period of time does not actually serve us well. Sometimes, it's much better to bravely face the circumstances and let it all hang loose. There are times when donning the mask may help get us through, but I think authenticity is a much more useful way to forge through difficult situations.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I'm going to tell my psychiatrist that if he refuses to let me have the tests there at the Hospital clinic, I'll go private and them send him the results.

I shared my report with my neurologist. My research had showed me that comorbidities like sleep issues frequently accompany autism. I have narcolepsy for sure, and possible Frontal Lobe Epilepsy (still being looked into). I figured knowing I'm autistic would give him a more complete picture. He acted like I was bothering him with the information, like it was irrelevant. But he did make copies for his files.

 

[grommet]

I'm going to see her today, around 6 pm.
I need to be able to convince her to let me be assessed.

We can't just walk in and ask for an appointment at an autism specialist clinic here in Portugal. At least that's what they told me when I called asking for info.

I'm already falling apart. Crying, trembling, hyperventilating... the usual.

I was wondering how I'll be able to keep it under control. But then thought:

Why?
Why try to keep it together till I can get home to the safety of my little corner, where I can curl up and just let go?

Why not let her see what it's like when I'm alone and no one can see me?

But I'm so used to hiding myself.
I know she probably wouldn't mock me if I did lose it, but I was well conditioned to keep it together in public.

It might make me feel like I'm dying, like my chest is going to explode. But I'll automatically try my hardest to hide any feelings that might upset others.

"Funny" thing. I found myself pinching the Web between my thumbs and my index fingers to stop myself from crying just now.
I'd never paid attention to this before.
I know that I do it, but had never thought of it before today. And I sometimes hit myself when I'm feeling frustrated.

That's another thing I'd never thought of before.

Sometimes I feel just like you, all of what you described. I hope you get your assessment. I was referred and tested almost 20 years ago. Several visits over three months. It made me feel better when I got a diagnosis. Now I knew I was not only imagining it. Then I met stranger after stranger who were exactly like me.