My mother cut me off.

[Tony Ramirez]

Long story short because she insulted my married friend the one who helped me so much that got into this great community church and helped me connect to the people there. Been friend to me and others. I snapped at my mother now she says I am on my own with my cooking, buying food and everything.

I had enough of my mother control freak and her insults. Even my uncle sees it and agreed and has enough. I think my mother is bipolar.

 

[tree]

Being allowed the responsibility of cooking and buying food is 'cutting you off'?

And you're annoyed that somehow this is a control freak move.

I am confused.
I thought you wanted a greater degree of independence.

Sounds like she feels threatened that you have connections with other people.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I do. I feel better. My friend said she is going shopping with me. My uncle is giving me the money directly. I now take public transportation like a grown-up thanks to my friend for over a month now dispute my mother who was a control freak saying its unsafe even though all of my friends ride it all the time and I did when my grandmother was alive but after paying fortune for Uber which she cut me off too.

 

[lunarious]

You said you are 47. Is that right?

If that's True you shouldn't desire opposite gender. Shake if off.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

She is married I don't desire her. All of my female friends are married. I am straight. I want single female friends problem is they don't give me the time of day or hang with me.

 

[lunarious]

What do you like to do?

I like to go to a green Garden.

 

[Rodafina]

Tony,
Having access to your SSDI and doing your own shopping and cooking sounds like a really good step to take. This is a great opportunity to have more independence.

You have expressed feeling controlled, so buying your own food and preparing it is a great step forward. If that is difficult, you can ask for advice here or ask your friend.

You are not helpless. You can do so much, and it's okay to get help with things. I think feeling more self sufficient will be a really positive experience for you.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

cut you off, as in like, she disowned you, as in like, she no longer considers you her son?

 

[Kitsuna]

Honestly, I think this is a double win for you. You created a boundary that she can’t disrespect someone you care about and get away with it, and now you have control over things you should be.

 

[Aspychata]

This sounds very liberating, you finally have responsibility to take of yourself. Make good choices, make sure to clean up in the kitchen. Be polite to your mother. Try to offer help or show her you are grateful. This HAD to happen, your mom finally let go. This sounds like what you needed ALL along.

 

[MNAus]

Honestly, I think this is a double win for you. You created a boundary that she can’t disrespect someone you care about and get away with it, and now you have control over things you should be.

Agreed. As far as punishments go, this one sounds like it's a bit of a winner for you:

"Tony, because you were rude I'm going to let you become more independent and have more control over your finances"
"Mother, noooo..... hang on"

 

[thejuice]

Long story short because she insulted my married friend the one who helped me so much that got into this great community church and helped me connect to the people there. Been friend to me and others. I snapped at my mother now she says I am on my own with my cooking, buying food and everything.

I had enough of my mother control freak and her insults. Even my uncle sees it and agreed and has enough. I think my mother is bipolar.

Your mother is abusive and she is punishing you for the blowback from her overbearing actions and harsh words. Her removing privileges seems to be an escalation and is an attempt to get you back in line, downtrodden and easily controllable again.

 

[Marianna]

She is married I don't desire her. All of my female friends are married. I am straight. I want single female friends problem is they don't give me the time of day or hang with me.

Women are strange humans in the eyes of men. But as a man with friends that are mostly girls, I can say that you need to treat them casually and show that you have no interest in them, let's say if you have the opportunity to do something nice like holding the door for them once in a while will show that you are a ok dude to hang around and not a Creep or something. I mean at the age of 47 I dunno what women are you searching for, but I hope they're in your age group

 

[Hypnalis]

@Tony Ramirez

In case this is new to you: cooking is one of those "easy when you have routines" things that feels difficult at first.

If you haven't done it before, start very simple, with as little variation as you can handle, and stay simple until you find that some of the actions are almost automatic, and some of the dishes can be done without planning.

Shopping becomes easier in parallel - if you know what's in what you eat, you know what to buy, and when.

Something closely related to this: a lot of recipe books are intended for people who got their routines sorted out long ago: the recipes tend to be "interesting" rather than functional and easy to make, and more complicated than is suitable for a beginner.

It's not easy to find a "cookbook for absolute beginners", but they do exist.

 

[Mary Terry]

Your mother is abusive and she is punishing you for the blowback from her overbearing actions and harsh words. Her removing privileges seems to be an escalation and is an attempt to get you back in line, downtrodden and easily controllable again.

How do you know that his mother was abusive? We don't know what his mother said about his friend Patricia. It is possible that his mother's words were not abusive in any way and were merely a statement of some fact that Tony didn't like.

Tony's mother may think this is FINALLY a good opportunity for him to take some responsibility for himself. As a mother myself, I can promise you that no mother wants her 47-year-old son living at home, permanently unemployed, refusing to take responsibility for himself, watching videos including porn, and constantly whining about wanting single female friends. Because I am a mother, I tend to see things from his mother's perspective. His mother also has his profoundly disabled autistic sister living at home. I feel sorry for his mother who probably wants her own independence from Tony.

This new development may be the best thing that has ever happened to Tony.

 

[DrBadStrings]

It's a win dude. Cooking isn't overly complicated. As others have mentioned start small with simple things and slowly elaborate. You don't need to be a chef to make good food for yourself that you will enjoy. It can be daunting at first but you'll be great. There are plenty of folks here that can give you shopping and cooking tips, myself included.

Don't look at this as a negative. This is more freedom and more control over your life. This is a good direction.

Slowly you'll adapt and before you know it we'll be coming to you for recipes.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

permanently unemployed

Again I want to work I just can't find a damn job. Patricia is looking for me but she heard nothing back from this person as my other couple no damn surprise. They are trying. What do you expect from no work or higher education. Give me a damn break.

Also she called Patricia the b word. Patricia did not mind but I was greatly offended because my mother only calls women that she really hates and she means it. My mother said it slipped yet she said it three times. Then apologized after I cried the took it back then I stormed out and called Patricia who said it was okay that she did not care she called her that but I said which it was not.

 

[Mary Terry]

Again I want to work I just can't find a damn job. Patricia is looking for me but she heard nothing back from this person as my other couple no damn surprise. They are trying. What do you expect from no work or higher education. Give me a damn break.

Nothing prevents you from applying for jobs yourself. While it's nice that your friends "are trying". But YOU need to try yourself rather than depending on other people to do for you the things that you can and should be doing for yourself, such as finding a therapist, finding a job, and cooking for yourself.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I am going to find a therapist and apply for food stamps. Plenty of receipts online.

 

[Mary Terry]

I am going to find a therapist and apply for food stamps. Plenty of receipts online.

You can do both of those things today. That's great.