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My old boyfriend now friend has aspergers.

K

Kittykat94

New Member
My name so kat. not sort for anything just kat. anyway my friend (we will call him t) was diagnosed with aspergers 2 years after highschool and is currently dealing with depression. I don't have time to go to support groups around me or therapy as I'm in collage. So I'm finding online forums where maybe I could find some help.. I want him to know that I'm still his friend as I'm his only real in person friend he has now but finding time to go hang out with him is hard and he doesn't seem to get that. he wants us to hang out at least 2 a month but the only reason I had time to hang out this month is I skipped school...he goes to a therapist but he doesn't seem to be helping him at all. what do I do.
 
Hi. Welcome to the website. I'm also new here. I'm a guy and I had a situation similar to your friends. I've been through depression and I've been hospitalized twelve times for hurting myself since I was diagnosed in October of '14. Before then I had no history. Anyway, I have a couple of suggestions. One, I'd suggest that your friend try to look into a new therapist. I'm on my fourth one and I think that I'm finally able to click with the one that I'm working with. Unfortunately, not every therapist is very well educated on Asperger's Syndrome so he should make sure that the therapist knows about that. Also, I'd research local groups for people with Asperger's Syndrome. I started a Creative Writing Club on my college campus so that I can hang out with people, but I feel that I can't connect to people where it truly matters. He could try to get involved in a club or something, but he might want to check out Aspie groups in the area.
I hope that that helps. Is he in college, too?
 
apparently he's on he's 3 Rd therapist who he says he's more trained in that area . As for support group he went to one support group he says that didn't work out and refuses to go to another one. He's also now due to some. thing possibly related to his condition that he's now deaf on his right ear. H e was in a collage program but he's depression came before he was diagnosed with aspergers and he dropped out hasn't gone back.
 
Kittykat94 said:
apparently he's on he's 3 Rd therapist who he says he's more trained in that area . As for support group he went to one support group he says that didn't work out and refuses to go to another one. He's also now due to some. thing possibly related to his condition that he's now deaf on his right ear. H e was in a collage program but he's depression came before he was diagnosed with aspergers and he dropped out hasn't gone back.
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So what does he do now? Does he do anything to keep himself busy or get out of the house? I think that staying busy can help, though it is sometimes more of a challenge to be active with depression. Also, how does his depression impact him?
 
Aside from his job as a security officer but he's not telling them about his depression he was really bad before now I feel like he's going back againbut it would cost him his job as a security officer so he doesn't want to admit that he needs to go back on his meds. aside from work and even occasionAly being able to visit (and his doctors ) he doesn't do anything. he says he's going to talk to his therapist about it so right now I have to wait.
 
Southern Discomfort said:
Does he know what's causing his depression?
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yeah he feels alone he lost a lot of friends and alot turn on them before he was diagnosed with aspergers. He's adopted and his relationship with his parents isn't the greatest. he feels that he can make friends but he feels they don't try to have a friendship with him. I'm his only "friend" . his parents only look after his finances cause they put money away for him since they adopted him.
 
Hi Kittykat94 Nice to meet you :) Do you know if your friend has done any reading to explore his AS? I say this because it can be really confusing to be told you have an ASD diagnosis. Loads of people on here say they benefited from doing a bit of reading & research, to help understand themselves.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Things-Woman-Must-Know-Aspergers/dp/1849058032

This book is one of the lightest written on the subject but you could read it first, or read it together with your friend?

http://tonyattwood.com.au/books-by-tony-m/english-books/64-the-complete-guide-to-aspergers-syndrome

Is one of the best books I have found.

We can't always get beyond our autistic brains to more objectively view our autistic aspects & stuff like this really can help with a deeper self-understanding & self-awareness. It can help deal with misplaced guilt which can lead to depression.
 
Kittykat94 said:
yeah he feels alone he lost a lot of friends and alot turn on them before he was diagnosed with aspergers. He's adopted and his relationship with his parents isn't the greatest. he feels that he can make friends but he feels they don't try to have a friendship with him. I'm his only "friend" . his parents only look after his finances cause they put money away for him since they adopted him.
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What does he do in terms of interests? Is there anything there that could be funnelled into a social outing? Or is there any peer support groups in your area? For either autism or depression. I've found them to be of great help to me and it's part of my weekly routine, it gets me out of the house and talking with other who experience the same thing.
 
Southern Discomfort said:
What does he do in terms of interests? Is there anything there that could be funnelled into a social outing? Or is there any peer support groups in your area? For either autism or depression. I've found them to be of great help to me and it's part of my weekly routine, it gets me out of the house and talking with other who experience the same thing.
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Nothing I'm trying to get him to go to sny group rught now but he is very stubborn
 
Kittykat94 said:
Nothing I'm trying to get him to go to sny group rught now but he is very stubborn
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Thinking about it is probably the last thing he wants to do at this stage. You might just have to wait it out for him to make a decision about it. It is frustrating that a lot of people with depression, especially men don't want to do anything about it, our answer always seem to be: don't talk about it, it'll go away on its own. Depression is a killer, it's the number one killer of young men, at least in my country.

Do you know what type of therapy he's doing? Is it CBT or something else? Traditional therapy (not CBT) apparently has little to offer to people with Asperger's. CBT is supposed to be quite good because it's founded in logic and structured well.

Groups don't necessarily have to be about talking about your feelings, I go to a group for people with psychosis and it just spend most of the time having a laugh and just generally talking, I've made quite a number of friends through it.
 
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