My rage is acting like dead weight.

[Metalhead]

There is nothing I can do about my family and how I let people take advantage of me in the past. I have to drop the rage which is nothing but dead weight to me now and act differently so that none of that will happen again.

I need liberation from narcissists living in my head rent free. Only I can make that happen.

 

[Jumpinbare]

There is nothing I can do about my family and how I let people take advantage of me in the past. I have to drop the rage which is nothing but dead weight to me now and act differently so that none of that will happen again.

I need liberation from narcissists living in my head rent free. Only I can make that happen.

Good on you!

 

[Metalhead]

I am realizing that a very strong part of me felt like I could not move on until I got validation from my blood family. And I am also realizing that part of me made no sense at all.

I make my own validation now.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

When you trigger that rage, What do you tell yourself? What are the feelings? Is what you tell yourself true? What can you tell yourself instead? This exercise has helped me a lot.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I am realizing that a very strong part of me felt like I could not move on until I got validation from my blood family. And I am also realizing that part of me made no sense at all.

I make my own validation now.

Good going. Seeking external validation was a contributing factor in my most recent PTSD meltdown. Now I recognize that the most significant validation of my worth comes from my thoughts and actions, though I enjoy it when my spouse, through her acceptance, does validate the best of me.

 

[Rodafina]

I need liberation from narcissists living in my head rent free. Only I can make that happen.

Do you have any concrete ideas on how to do this?

People here have done it. I'm not the best one to offer ideas, but I bet people here can help.

 

[Metalhead]

Do you have any concrete ideas on how to do this?

People here have done it. I'm not the best one to offer ideas, but I bet people here can help.

No concrete ideas, just brute mental strength. I now wear a rubber band on my arm and I snap myself when I see my mind wandering where I do not want it to go. That was suggested by my therapist.

 

[Jumpinbare]

No concrete ideas, just brute mental strength. I now wear a rubber band on my arm and I snap myself when I see my mind wandering where I do not want it to go. That was suggested by my therapist.

Much more user friendly than a cattle prod!

 

[Metalhead]

When you trigger that rage, What do you tell yourself? What are the feelings? Is what you tell yourself true? What can you tell yourself instead? This exercise has helped me a lot.

I am trying to change the narrative in my head. It usually is “people can do what they want to me and there is nothing I can do about it.” I am changing it to “I will not let people treat me like that today.”

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I am trying to change the narrative in my head. It usually is “people can do what they want to me and there is nothing I can do about it.” I am changing it to “I will not let people treat me like that today.”

The beginning of you learning that you have personal agency and the ability to advocate for yourself.

(Added) That helplessness is a gateway to PTSD. I had normal desires as a teen and young adult and felt helpless to do anything, not having social skills. This went on for over 14 years. Now, reminders of it triggers PTSD. Yet, I managed to grow. As I have repeated, I started seeing the value in myself as I started having successes in research, got a (miserable) car, a Gremlin, and finally had the resources to pursue my interests, which led me to learn to be social. Those miserable years ended when in succession I had my first relationship which fell apart, and learning from that, I was prepared to recognize my future spouse as the valuable woman she is.

 

[Aspychata]

And snapping the band helps ground you, and prevent you from heading to substances or buying spree to ignore feelings, or even eating your emotions. I have to ground myself and realize l can't change anything in my past, so might as let it go.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

realize l can't change anything in my past, so might as let it go.

You and me, sister. You and me both.

 

[Jumpinbare]

A friend told me everyone should have a Jewish grandmother. She would sympathetically listen to your problem, then slap you upside the head and say "Get over it!"

 

[Mr. Stevens]

I am trying to change the narrative in my head. It usually is “people can do what they want to me and there is nothing I can do about it.” I am changing it to “I will not let people treat me like that today.”

Your mom knows you have agency more than anyone. That's why she lives to destroy it. But, you probably know that If you had no agency, she'd have no reason to attack.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Your mom knows you have agency more than anyone. That's why she lives to destroy it. But, you probably know that If you had no agency, she'd have no reason to attack.

@Mr. Stevens , you dish out hard truths at times. What you wrote to me really helped.

 

[Aspychata]

I think narcissistic people are completely out for themselves, so anytime @Metalhead tries to exercise any control over his reality, or actual life, he is shot down, because it doesn't further his mom's interests. I actually have some experience of this because l went thru this very late in life, and it didn't work because l have always been independent. However Metalhead was born into this highly emotionally abusive situation and has been groomed so long that it took along time for him to start standing up for himself.