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My relationship with food

2

2205

Well-Known Member
I'm writing this to find maybe someone who has had similar experiences.

About 10 years ago I developed full blown anorexia. Lost 15kg and couldn't stop. Got "high" from losing weight and eating "healthy" (I never totally starved, just ate light). In few years time I managed to get it under control on my own and gain a few kg back, but still remained a bit underweight until this day.

During my 20s (I'm 30 now) I tried a few different "diets" or eating concepts or just self made rules about eating. But it wasn't anymore to lose weight, but just to create some kind of order in my eating and therefore also toilet visits. The food wasn't even all that healthy. It was more about eating the same every day. I noticed I felt better if I had same foods every day for months, even years.

A few years ago one of my eating concepts (mainly vegan, gluten free, lactose free) caused me to become really sick (all kinds of deficiencies) and I ended up in hospital. Of course, they asked about my eating and my history of anorexia and then I was sent to ED clinic with the diagnosis of anorexia and depression. No one cared for the fact that my focus wasn't on losing weight, but just to create order in my day and my digestive system in general (eat at same times, visit toilet at same times). There I was also tested for ASD for the first time and the doctor said I do have autistic traits, but didn't give a formal diagnosis.

Now my diet is what is considered normal. But what has remained, is the fixation about eating times and the need to eat same foods every day with maybe a little variation. It's not a problem until events like birthdays, weddings and holidays, which I panically avoid. It's like I'm fixated about having everything related to my body the same all the time. Every little new sensation (like some itch, pain, slight fever or change in bowel movement) makes me very anxious and totally hijacks my thinking - it becomes the main focus. I also go to therapy but I really don't get that... The therapist just suggests me to "try to break your systems sometimes". If I could "just do it", I would've done it already, wouldn't I? I don't see the point in her suggesting such thing.

Recently I've thought about a chance of OCD, because a relative of mine has it. Because eating isn't the only thing I like to do the same all the time. There are actually lots of small things in my daily activities that I like to do "just so". I prefer using the same route when going somewhere. I prefer to sit in the same place, in the same position. I prefer to think about things at specific times of day (for example, in the morning I think about health related stuff, in the afternoon I think about my hobbies, in the evening I watch a certain tv show). And it bothers me if that order is disrupted. The idea behind that is something like "yesterday I did those things in that way and everything was okay, nothing bad didn't happen. If I just repeat it today, everything will today also be okay". That kind of thinking started in my childhood already but wasn't so prominent, because a child has relatively little control over her life as the most choices are made by parents.


What a long story now... but if anyone relates even a bit, then I'd really appreciate your thoughts and experiences :)
 
I am similar. I have very rigid routines and thinking when it comes to food and exercise. And it's not about dieting and losing weight. It's related to anxiety and depression, and a need for control, not being able to let go. I would say that it also has elements of self-harm. When I was at univerisity, I went through a phase of eating the same thing at the same time every day, always walking because I didn't like to take the bus, and I lost a lot of weight. My parents thought I had an eating disorder, and took me to see the doctor, who then arranged counselling with a psychiatrist. I wasn't diagnosed with an eating disorder - I think that he saw that there was a lot more going on behind the strict eating regime. I told the psychiatrist I saw about my social difficulties and he diagnosed me with social phobia (in 1990), not with an eating disorder. It has also since been suggested to me that I might have OCD, but I don't think that I do, I don't fit all the clinical criteria for that, just as I don't fit all the clinical criteria for an eating disorder. I have some OCD traits, but I think that goes with the territory - they are part of the rigid behaviour associated with Asperger's rather than full-blown clinical OCD.
 
Well I eat to regulate my emotions like my father and in his sideof the family we have some obese/Diabetic.

I always feel im too fat but I cant resist food I enjoy.

One year I wanted to fit in si I started a diet that was close to not eating. Lasted less than 2 months and then I had boulemia for few months.

Now I still want to loose weight but I dont now how to do it properly.

Other than that I dont have strict habits but I always kind eat the same stuff when I plan my own food. And when I find something I like I can eat the same for a long time.
 
Please ask your Dr to karyotype you. I went through all that. They can be very insistent that you have an eating disorder. Men with similar symptoms are RARELY given the same diagnosis. If you KNOW you do not have an ED, resist the DX.

I was karyotyped and suddenly they believed me when I told them it was not about weight but about how horrific food made me feel. My Chrom disorder is one that creates a lot of feeding issues. Some kids with it are on feeding tubes .
 
I've read at least one researcher trying to tie eating disorders with ASD, that it was a symptom (primarily in women).

As for me I have been very weight concious during my life. Probably obsessive in early 20's. I'm still at it now, but more relaxed. I'll pass on being one with the universe and just enjoy being one with a pepperoni pizza (and a coke). :D
 
I tend to eat the same thing every day for a month or so, then choose so,ethimg else. For example for the last month Ive been eating French toast for breakfast every day. Yesterday i didnt but then had to have it for dinner.
Every day i eat saltines with butter, either as a snack or as a meal. Been doing this for two months.
I dont really like what most people would consider a meal. Too complex or busy, if that makes sense. Id rather just take a big spoon of peanut butter and slowly eat it while doing something else. In other words i really dont like sitting down to eat a variety of stuff off a plate, especially with other people! Good grief! Holidays are Hell in more ways than one!!!
I just eat so Im not too hungry and so i dont lose too much weight because then my clothes wont fit. I can gain or lose about 8% of my body weight and my clothes still fit.
If i lose my appetite, then I realize I’m overly stressed about something, or too obssesed with a project to feel hungry.
 
I was normal weight and didn’t have eating disorder until I had kids. I gained 75 lbs each time. It was too hard to diet to get it off. If I ate small portions, it only made me hungrier. I probably had blood sugar issues and didn’t know it as my mother was type 1 when I was born and lots of type 2 in family. Anyway when I was younger, it was just easier to just eat every two days until the weight came off. I ate all wanted the days I ate and wasn’t usually balanced. But if I wanted some junk I allowed it. Second time I had a child was harder tonlose and i took OTC Dexatrim that had antihistamine for weight loss. I got a high off it to lose weight like speed. It seemed I had to take it a few times a week to maintain my weight loss after the second child and
i ended up taking it 8 years. Then It caused health issues similar to addiction like crashing bad at the end of the day so I quit it. Then I had weight creep and couldn’t stop the slow creep. Then now my thyroid is fried and i’m on high dose synthroid. Now I use an app to count calories but never lose weight because I get so hungry. All my aunts got obese at menopause and so did I .They were type 2diabetes and the unstable blood sugar is what Inthink makes us so hungry. I can’t be consistent to lose weight save my life. But my weight is stable. If I didn’t count calories i’d probably be big as a bus. Sometimes I lose 20 lbs. But I get so weak and sick I end up gaining it back just to function. Dieting enough to lose adds to my depression levels. I think that is from my thyroid not allowing me to metabolize foods eaten properly. I’m a self diagnosed .aspie so don’t even know it that plays into it and how much is metabolic issues that run in my family.
 
Wow. I developed anorexia when I was about 14, and like you, it wasn't about weight loss. For me, I just wanted to eat "healthy", but I took it too far and lost too much weight. Also, I did have a very scheduled routine. Every morning I would go for a walk, on the same route around the neighborhood. I would eat exactly three meals, and was constantly worried about eating the "right" amount of food. I didn't want to lose weight, but I was also scared of gaining too much weight. So I was basically stuck.

Now I am a healthy weight, perhaps even on the fat side.
 
Also, I do have OCD, but I think that maybe it was both my OCD and Autism that played a role in my eating disorder.
 
Possibly both?
Difficult to state with any accuracy.

Do you suspect you fit with the criteria of OCD?

I’ve sometimes found the anxiety created as a result of interrupted rituals and attempting to halt compulsions can shut down my appetite.

To date I haven’t been diagnosed with an eating disorder.
 
i still live with my parents, so that puts me in a situation where i have to conform to not look too weird, but the times where i'm left alone for a few days on my own i always end up eating the same thing i feel particularly attracted to at the moment
and by that i mean that i'd eat it twice at lunch and dinner for multiple days in a row
i find it somehow comforting, i'm a man who likes to follow a routine, and eating the same thing every day feels almost like an important part of my day
do you think this is something that most people do in the privacy of their own solitude or is it a trait more related to me not being neurotypical? i've always wondered it but never bothered to verify
 
nuskone said:
i still live with my parents, so that puts me in a situation where i have to conform to not look too weird, but the times where i'm left alone for a few days on my own i always end up eating the same thing i feel particularly attracted to at the moment
and by that i mean that i'd eat it twice at lunch and dinner for multiple days in a row
i find it somehow comforting, i'm a man who likes to follow a routine, and eating the same thing every day feels almost like an important part of my day
do you think this is something that most people do in the privacy of their own solitude or is it a trait more related to me not being neurotypical? i've always wondered it but never bothered to verify
Click to expand...
I live with my boyfriend, but cooking is usually on me. I eat a very varied menu when it comes to dinner, but breakfast and lunch for me are usually the same for weeks on end. Currently it’s raisin bread for breakfast and croque monsieur for lunch. Last month it was boiled eggs for breakfast and cottage cheese with fruit and pumpkin seeds for lunch.
 
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