My relationship with my Aspie destroyed me

[Verdandi]

I don't even know why I'm writing, I guess it's just to vent it. After our break-up, entirely his call, justified by his inability to cope with long-term social commitment and following a couple of excruciating months when I fel like I had to walk on eggshells all the time, we kept talking. He wants to be friends but I'm not sure I can do it. Of course, he doesn't seem to understand me at all or my point of view, which makes it very painful for me. I wish I could just let go. There was a little hope that if maybe I try to communicate better, ask him about his needs, etc., we might find our way back to each other. He told me he'd like to see me this weekend, I felt there was some desire, but today he told me he'd rather go partying. Again I fell into a deep sadness, I don't even know why I'm trying any more. I love him, but I have no clue what to do. I just want this suffering to stop but it's getting worse every day. Any suggestions?

 

[OkRad]

I don't even know why I'm writing, I guess it's just to vent it. After our break-up, entirely his call, justified by his inability to cope with long-term social commitment and following a couple of excruciating months when I fel like I had to walk on eggshells all the time, we kept talking. He wants to be friends but I'm not sure I can do it. Of course, he doesn't seem to understand me at all or my point of view, which makes it very painful for me. I wish I could just let go. There was a little hope that if maybe I try to communicate better, ask him about his needs, etc., we might find our way back to each other. He told me he'd like to see me this weekend, I felt there was some desire, but today he told me he'd rather go partying. Again I fell into a deep sadness, I don't even know why I'm trying any more. I love him, but I have no clue what to do. I just want this suffering to stop but it's getting worse every day. Any suggestions?

This is a common post. NT dates an aspie and it hurts so much and it is impossible to let go. May I ask you WHY it is so hard to let go of an aspie? Why is this harder than letting go of an NT?

I know they make you feel things differently, and you will never find someone like that again. They make you FEEL like you are the centre of their world, but does that mean you have to let your brain accept that?

You may have been his centre for a while and that made YOUR BRAIN fill in the rest, like a fantasy. People also have a hard time after a narcissist, letting go because aspies and narcs both make YOUR BRAIN fill in a huge fantasy, but for different reasons.

An aspie does not want to hurt or use you. But once they do not want you, THEY really don't. It does not mean they won't be your friend, but all the intimacy your brain filled in on its own is no longer there.

You HAVE TO LET IT GO or you will be sad forever. You are now fighting the fantasy, not him. You are fihgting what you let happen to your brain . Your brain can also let it go and find a way to realize it is false.

You can ask us stuff and I do hope you are able to get over it. It pains me A LOT to see that so many people cannot let these relationships go. Scary.

 

[paloftoon]

Spend time with friends, think of one positive thing about yourself daily, drink plenty of fluids, stretch or do yoga. Focus on building yourself back up.

In terms of being friends with him, maybe tell him that it's too much pressure for you to be even friends right now and that he can ask you in 6 months or 1 year. You can be real honest and tell him you don't feel understood, or if you don't feel comfortable with that, then say something more like you are emotionally unready to make contact with him for now and that you need to sort through things on your own (put the "blame" on yourself even if you don't feel that is the primary reason.) People have done that to me for better or worse :/