My reward system is backwards

[zaphod]

This has been going on for years and it is getting worse.

When I'm at work, if I'm doing what I'm supposed to, I've been feeling incredible anxiety, bordering on panic. It kicks in almost immediately. My relief is falling back to a special interest. I work almost completely independently, open internet access so it's really easy. The anxiety disappears when I'm just wasting my time on that. The work itself isn't particularly stressful, I'm well suited for it and do a good job when I'm actually working.

There are days when I literally do nothing productive. I have no idea how I get away with it. I should have been fired long ago.

I can recognize that external stresses make this worse, and there's a snowball effect from feeling I could be fired at any moment.

How many people here experience something similar? Is this kind of thing more related to ASD or ADHD? Does anyone have a solution? ADHD drugs do not help me.

 

[Xinyta]

It could be ASD. Though it could also be possibly an anxiety disorder. I personally would check out anxiety disorders. If you can't find anything that matches, then think what specific things could be setting you off. Sometimes we run across something that triggers us and we don't realize that it is.

 

[AndyFBlues]

I agree with @Xinyta, it sounds like an anxiety disorder. A professional might be able to help figure it out.

 

[Rodafina]

Intense anxiety frequently co occurs in people who are on the spectrum. Your issue is definitely worth thinking of from this angle and there are many concrete things that can be done about anxiety (breathing, journaling, talking, exercise, medication, etc.).

 

[Au Naturel]

Might be some variation on the Demand Avoidance theme.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-an...d-avoidance#Why does demand avoidance happen?

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

whenever I got bored at work I would go for a walk let my mind wander examine the process in my mind look for weakness's, put a mind experiment together to fix the weakness the try as much as possible to conduct the experiment, or at least get the supplier base to help me conduct it. the first time I had an anxiety issue was just after I left the hospital after the stroke, was never an issue before, but my changed circumstances brought it on. I normally have extreme confidence.