My self importance

[SimonSays]

I have come across a few in my experience. For me, they are usually in the workplace. A supervisor or a boss. Somebody who takes a dislike and treats me in a way that isn't right. They abuse their authority. But I discovered there is another explanation as to why these people are in my life, and understanding it might really change things. According to Carlos Castaneda - What is a Petty Tyrant?

This would explain why the person living in the room next to me could not be any worse. So many triggers, from an autistic perspective. Playing music and television unreasonably loud. Slamming his door when it could be closed quietly with the handle, whether it's 5 o'clock in the afternoon or 5 o'clock in the morning. Continuing to smoke in a non-smoking house after having been told more than once by the landlord to stop. These are all triggers for me.

The smoking is the hardest to deal with because there isn’t anything I can do. Yes I have got mad. Yes I have contacted the landlord and complained. Nothing has changed. All that can change is how I process it because that is the only thing I can possibly change.

If I get mad it affects me in the heart centre literally. I feel I am doing the wrong thing by taking it so personally. I do notice certain thoughts going round my head that want me to say something out loud. I thought about opening my door and shouting out in the hallway 'stop smoking!! This is a smoke-free house' and then slamming my door shut. But this seems so full of ego. I don't believe it will change a thing.

I know he is a tyrant. He definitely feels he can do whatever he likes. I find being around that extremely difficult. I avoid him. I don't wish to see him. I don't want to look into his face. But his presence affects me. I have to work around him. As if he is the important one and I am meaningless. His world is about aggressive confronting, loud speaking, fast talking, no breath taking. I can't handle it. I can't force things to be how I think they should be. I also can't let go of the feeling that he has a right to live his way. Even if it seems so unreasonable.

So what do I do to accept it? I put earplugs in, or watch something or listen to something as soon as I hear him come in, as soon as I know he is here I change my circumstances to make it easier for me to be here until he is not.

But I cannot do anything to mitigate the cigarette smoke; that is the hardest thing for me to accept. And because I struggled so much to accept my mother smoking when I was a child, I can see why this would be particularly true.

There was a rare moment in my life about eight years ago when I was able to accept cigarette smoke in the worst way I could imagine. I sat with my ex father-in-law in his living room in Scotland, not long before we expected him to die, where he chain-smoked with all the windows closed. I wasn't sure I would be able to be there, and each evening as we walked back to the guest house, with my clothes stinking of cigarettes, discovering the wind would blow most of those particles away by the time we got back, I realised I was doing it anyway.

I wanted to be with him more than my discomfort. It feels like I have to do that here too. I don't drink but if I did, knowing he does, what would happen if I knocked on his door and offered him a bottle? Maybe alcohol isn't the best idea, but the idea is to introduce a new vibration into the mix. Acceptance. Forgiveness. Non-judgmentalness. Love. If I can do that, or just accept him as he is, I will have risen above my current state of being. I will have raised my vibration. That will be a good thing.

 

[Wolfsage]

You tried an air cleaner?

 

[SDRSpark]

The smoking would make the house uninhabitable for me - I developed a sensitivity to it after growing up with my parents smoking and now I get physically ill after a couple of hours being exposed to it. So no, you're not overreacting.

 

[SDRSpark]

Since the contract you signed is for a non-smoking house, and your landlord is allowing smoking (failing to provide the type of property you agreed to), he is in breach of contract by the way and you can break the lease and move out. You may need a lawyer to do so though.

 

[Judge]

Leave using whatever resources you can muster. In this instance it's not a matter of "whether the grass is greener on the other side". Think of yourself as a pilot who just had his wing shot off. "Eject-eject-eject!"

As for your neighbor, he is a drug addict. Nothing more powerful than nicotine for someone to be so hooked and remain so hopelessly oblivious as to how it impacts others. You can't change that. Only he can, provided he wants to in earnest. Even then, quitting smoking is a nasty uphill battle for many.

IMO these are not living conditions an autistic person can indefinitely tolerate or come to terms with. I know, I've tried. Smoking made my life hell and always will to the day I die. Promoting an instant fight/flight response.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I have come across a few in my experience. For me, they are usually in the workplace. A supervisor or a boss. Somebody who takes a dislike and treats me in a way that isn't right. They abuse their authority. But I discovered there is another explanation as to why these people are in my life, and understanding it might really change things. According to Carlos Castaneda - What is a Petty Tyrant?

This would explain why the person living in the room next to me could not be any worse. So many triggers, from an autistic perspective. Playing music and television unreasonably loud. Slamming his door when it could be closed quietly with the handle, whether it's 5 o'clock in the afternoon or 5 o'clock in the morning. Continuing to smoke in a non-smoking house after having been told more than once by the landlord to stop. These are all triggers for me.

The smoking is the hardest to deal with because there isn’t anything I can do. Yes I have got mad. Yes I have contacted the landlord and complained. Nothing has changed. All that can change is how I process it because that is the only thing I can possibly change.

If I get mad it affects me in the heart centre literally. I feel I am doing the wrong thing by taking it so personally. I do notice certain thoughts going round my head that want me to say something out loud. I thought about opening my door and shouting ou in the hallway 'stop smoking!! This is a smoke-free house' and then slamming my door shut. But this seems so full of ego. I don't believe it will change a thing.

I know he is a tyrant. He definitely feels he can do whatever he likes. I find being around that extremely difficult. I avoid him. I don't wish to see him. I don't want to look into his face. But his presence affects me. I have to work around him. As if he is the important one and I am meaningless. His world is about aggressive confronting, loud speaking, fast talking, no breath taking. I can't handle it. I can't force things to be how I think they should be. I also can't let go of the feeling that he has a right to live his way. Even if it seems so unreasonable.

So what do I do to accept it? I put earplugs in, or watch something or listen to something as soon as I hear him come in, as soon as I know he is here I change my circumstances to make it easier for me to be here until he is not.

But I cannot do anything to mitigate the cigarette smoke; that is the hardest thing for me to accept. And because I struggled so much to accept my mother smoking when I was a child, I can see why this would be particularly true.

There was a rare moment in my life about eight years ago when I was able to accept cigarette smoke in the worst way I could imagine. I wen to sit with my ex father-in-law in his living room in Scotland, not long before we expected him to die, where he chain-smoked with all the windows closed. I wasn't sure I would be able to be there, and each evening as we walked back to the guest house, with my clothes stinking of cigarettes, discovering the wind would blow most of those particles away by the time we got back, I realised I was doing it anyway.

I wanted to be with him more than my discomfort. It feels like I have to do that here too. I don't drink but if I did, knowing he does, what would happen if I knocked on his door and offered him a bottle? If I did that I would introduce a new vibration into the mix. Acceptance. Forgiveness. Non-judgmentalness. Love. If I can do that, or just accept things as they are, I will have risen above my current state of being. I will have raised my vibration. That will be a good thing.

I read and saved the link about petty tyrants. I have fallen victim to them I remember one manager and I rebuffed his flirtatiousness and he punished me by removing me from the section I was working in.
Then there are others with personality disorders, wounded peopleWho always seem to want a victim by excluding them ostracising them making snide remarks X Actra. Workplaces can be toxic, Especially if people are all there just for the money and not for the love of the work.

The person living in the next room to you sounds like a narcissist And a sociopath. They do things out of spite like closing doors loudly et cetera, Breaching Rules of smoking And genuinely being “Anti people“.

The article you posted Should hopefully be really useful in how you process the effects of this person towards you.

A traumatic childhood has made this person behave this way because they themselves have not processed trauma they received properly themselves. They are still little children in adult bodies. The article seems to mention examining their quirks and the work they work and maybe if you see this child when you look at them this will help you.
I think that writing this out as a post and link in the article in with it will help you. It is like by doing this you have counselled yourself Regarding a problem in your home that is making you unhappy.

The article mentions and energetic connection to these people and I think it could give you a good handle on severing the energetic connection to him and making a delight of him as the article says. It seems like you have the skill to do this as this is not an easy thing however your post Shows insight which is needed to transmute the negativity from him into positivity and I think you have the ability to show him that regardless of His actions somehow you will find within yourself the ability to live alongside him without him negatively affecting you, that is to say, you appear to be working on becoming in the sense of the man in your house, the warrior.

The fact that he feels he can do what ever he wants is evidence that he is a narcissist.

I used to smoke and drink, What a mistake.
I would not offer him alcohol, alcohol is low vibration and Will bring the vibration down more.

I think the article describes exactly how to go about this. I hope not to insult you when I said this, if it were me and I were able to meditate as well as you I was read the article enough times to absorb it into your heart and also seek assistance from the Kosmos as to how to proceed. I have every confidence that you can turn this into the delight the article mentions. Thank you again for the article.

 

[SimonSays]

I would not offer him alcohol, alcohol is low vibration and Will bring the vibration down more.

You are right.

 

[SimonSays]

I think the article describes exactly how to go about this. I hope not to insult you when I said this, if it were me and I were able to meditate as well as you I was read the article enough times to absorb it into your heart and also seek assistance from the Kosmos as to how to proceed. I have every confidence that you can turn this into the delight the article mentions. Thank you again for the article.

 

[SimonSays]

The article seems to mention examining their quirks and the work they work and maybe if you see this child when you look at them this will help you.

Yes. He needs to be loved, not despised. Perhaps being who he is he has just become used to not caring, as those who are affected by him, don't. The alcohol idea was a symbol of a new vibration. That is what I have been focussing on this afternoon.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Yes. He needs to be loved, not despised. Perhaps being who he is he has just become used to not caring, as those who are affected by him, don't. The alcohol idea was a symbol of a new vibration. That is what I have been focussing on this afternoon.

He is the way he is because of his response to hatred he received as a child, and for whatever reason, he did not, or was not able to be a warrior himself, in the face of all of his emotional childhood injuries.
I hope you can ultimately find a place to do your art, and in the meantime, perceive this man in a way which makes the remainder of your stay productive and much better for you.

 

[SimonSays]

It is easy for me to want to ignore my petty tyrant and just get on with my life. and sometimes i do. but i can't for long. his presence won't let me. he challenges my sense of my own importance, my right not to be offended, whether i feel myself a warrior or a victim. If a victim he has power over me, but if a warrior then his actions are offering me something i can learn about myself, to not feel that self importance, to not be offended by his desire to control and impose. It is an opportunity to grow beyond my ego. If i have not yet grown beyond it then he is giving me an opportunity to. It is why i have had many such petty tyrants in my life, i even found myself in a relationship with one. i haven't so far mastered myself not to require help from one. To see that having one is a blessing not a curse is the first step to rising above myself.

Today i confronted him about his behaviour and he became instantly worse, shifting me instantly into a more advanced class. I contacted the landlord and revealed my autism for the first time so he might understand why i am affected so much by it. I received a very sympathetic reply and an assurance he would do something. But i still reacted in a way i hadn't wanted to. i turned to authority because i knew i could. i let myself be affected instead of remaining in my discipline. i let emotions and anger out, which i have a right to feel, but not if i am avoiding self importance. That's why it shifted me into a new class. my petty tyrant Immediately slammed his door and turned his music up loud, showing me his power, teaching me more about the results of my own self importance. Making it harder while realising i had created him. Now tolerate this!

I will not let him get to me that way again. i will not hate or despise or want him gone. i will bare it and take right action not reaction. not strengthen him by becoming like him. i live in my world not his. he is serious i am not. lightness is my friend. time to lighten up!

 

[Gift2humanity]

It is easy for me to want to ignore my petty tyrant and just get on with my life. and sometimes i do. but i can't for long. his presence won't let me. he challenges my sense of my own importance, my right not to be offended, whether i feel myself a warrior or a victim.

your petty tyrant has chosen to see himself as a victim, in his world there are only winners and losers. He lives a hierarchical life just like in the animal kingdom and has not realised that humanity just do not live that way. it's hard, I see myself as a victim when faced with a petty tyrant I go into victim mode. you however there is hope for you you have the potential you're writing shows that you have so much awareness you even posted an article about petty tyrants. I have never heard of them before.

If a victim he has power over me, but if a warrior then his actions are offering me something i can learn about myself, to not feel that self importance, to not be offended by his desire to control and impose. It is an opportunity to grow beyond my ego.

yes, even though he has not gone beyond his ego he is giving you you a gift worth it's weight in gold.

If i have not yet grown beyond it then he is giving me an opportunity to. It is why i have had many such petty tyrants in my life, i even found myself in a relationship with one. i haven't so far mastered myself not to require help from one. To see that having one is a blessing not a curse is the first step to rising above myself.

sorry you suffered a relationship with a petty tyrant.
They do help you, inadvertently, they don't know they're being teachers.

Today i confronted him about his behaviour and he became instantly worse, shifting me instantly into a more advanced class. I contacted the landlord and revealed my autism for the first time so he might understand why i am affected so much by it.

Best of luck with this. The landlord has the power to evict him. Sometimes, just as set students need to ask their tutors for help,, we are not islands and need the help of others.

I received a very sympathetic reply and an assurance he would do something. But i still reacted in a way i hadn't wanted to. i turned to authority because i knew i could. i let myself be affected instead of remaining in my discipline. i let emotions and anger out, which i have a right to feel, but not if i am avoiding self importance.

don't beat yourself up there will always be the next opportunity and the one after if needed and so on.

That's why it shifted me into a new class. my petty tyrant Immediately slammed his door and turned his music up loud, showing me his power, teaching me more about the results of my own self importance. Making it harder while realising i had created him. Now tolerate this!

yes you graduated from the first class and now it's time to move to the next class the next level of difficulty and more chance to improve.

I will not let him get to me that way again. i will not hate or despise or want him gone. i will bare it and take right action not reaction. not strengthen him by becoming like him. i live in my world not his. he is serious i am not. lightness is my friend. time to lighten up![/quote]
as above the landlordwarn him of eviction and the matter might be taken out of your hands. If so, there will be more petty tyrants for you to learn from and in the meantime you can still use him for the lessons he has to offer.
The link you posted on petty tyrants spurred me onto more research. I found an article about petty tyrants at work, it essentially means petty tyrants we cannot escape from.
Breakthrough Newsletter - Working with Petty Tyrants - The People Who Make Your Life Miserable
it is great that you are sharing your experiences here I hope the link benefits you.

 

[SimonSays]

I spend so much time in silence now. More and more. Even now, when the house is quiet, and there is a documentary I’d like to watch, I just prefer to keep my earplugs in and do things where I can. I love the feeling of isolation they bring, especially eliminating all the traffic that would otherwise be in the background.

It gives me a different feeling of peace, and not just peace and quiet, but knowing that when a door bangs it just doesn’t affect me. It’s a very feint noise in the background that's all. That makes me feel better. More relaxed. Less anxious, even as I didn’t know that I was. No longer subconsciously having to be ready to protect myself.

It took a while to find the right earplugs though. A few trial and errors. But I can keep these reusable things in all day and often forget they’re there. Sometimes, when I have to interact with someone outside, I can often barely hear them and have to ask them to repeat things and just about manage. Then afterwards laugh at myself as I just accepted the experience of ‘deafness’ instead of taking even one out.

I carry an extra pair with me; not sure why. I don’t lose things, and they don’t fall out, but as they’re so small, and so important, they're easy to bring. More symbolic reassurance.

I can sleep with them in too, which I wasn't sure I'd be able to. I thought I may have to keep those disposable ones for that purpose. Being able to wear them makes a big difference. The most useful couple a'quid I ever spent.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I spend so much time in silence now. More and more. Even now, when the house is quiet, and there is a documentary I’d like to watch, I just prefer to keep my earplugs in and do things where I can. I love the feeling of isolation they bring, especially eliminating all the traffic that would otherwise be in the background.

I like no music and no background noise, the only noise I like is when I want to watch a video or listen to music.

It gives me a different feeling of peace, and not just peace and quiet, but knowing that when a door bangs it just doesn’t affect me. It’s a very feint noise in the background that's all. That makes me feel better. More relaxed. Less anxious, even as I didn’t know that I was. No longer subconsciously having to be ready to protect myself.

As if there is no one there?
I used to wear earplugs to be in the 80's as my parents were noisy while I was in bed, work in the morning so I needed to be up.

It took a while to find the right earplugs though. A few trial and errors. But I can keep these reusable things in all day and often forget they’re there. Sometimes, when I have to interact with someone outside, I can often barely hear them and have to ask them to repeat things and just about manage. Then afterwards laugh at myself as I just accepted the experience of ‘deafness’ instead of taking even one out.

Yeah, I tried 2 pairs of reusables, it's such a disappointment when they don't work. I have lots of pairs of those yellow disposables, which work, but they end up in landfill
I have odd ear canals though, can't even wear earphones, it has to be the buds that go right in.

I carry an extra pair with me; not sure why. I don’t lose things, and they don’t fall out, but as they’re so small, and so important, they're easy to bring. More symbolic reassurance.

Losing/misplacing stuff is a pain, I emptied all my little packets of plugs into an amazon box, keep em all together.

I can sleep with them in too, which I wasn't sure I'd be able to. I thought I may have to keep those disposable ones for that purpose. Being able to wear them makes a big difference. The most useful couple a'quid I ever spent.

I might have to use them for sleep in the summer, as lawnmowers go a 8am some mornings.
Open windows and traffic starting around 4-5am.
I wear a trusty eye mask, that reassures me, it's really good.
I am glad you appreciate the little things. I patched up my green enamel cast iron bath with a white enamel pen.
White spots on a green bath look weird but I feel really reassured by these spots, as they have covered up the rust, which was promising a future leak in the biggest chipped bit.
Ah! The little things in life that are appreciated.

 

[Kalinychta]

Sounds to me like your neighbor isn’t so much a petty tyrant as an obliviously selfish human being. They’re everywhere. These days they seem to far outnumber people who do have basic manners.

You could try taping a strongly-worded note to his door. Or contact your landlord every day until you annoy him into doing something about the situation.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Sounds to me like your neighbor isn’t so much a petty tyrant as an obliviously selfish human being. They’re everywhere. These days they seem to far outnumber people who do have basic manners.

You could try taping a strongly-worded note to his door. Or contact your landlord every day until you annoy him into doing something about the situation.

These type of people are petty tyrant. If you read the book by Carlos Castaneda called The fire within, he mentions petty tyrants,There are people who deliberately annoying and torment and test our limits.
Don Juan, who there are people who deliberately annoying and torment and test our limits.
Dons can who is the sharan who is castaneda's "mentor" advises they are our teachers and if there isn't one in our lives we should go and Look for one as it can teachers so much about ourselves.
He says if one appears in our lives we are very fortunate because there are are ready teacher for us.

 

[Kalinychta]

These type of people are petty tyrant. If you read the book by Carlos Castaneda called The fire within, he mentions petty tyrants,There are people who deliberately annoying and torment and test our limits.
Don Juan, who there are people who deliberately annoying and torment and test our limits.
Dons can who is the sharan who is castaneda's "mentor" advises they are our teachers and if there isn't one in our lives we should go and Look for one as it can teachers so much about ourselves.
He says if one appears in our lives we are very fortunate because there are are ready teacher for us.

I read one or two of those books years ago. My mom was a big fan of them.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I read one or two of those books years ago. My mom was a big fan of them.

I have not read the full books but I know the concept of the petty tyrant.
They are the people who bully in the workplace.
The other people I would like to have the last word in every argument.
They are the people who cannot admit they’re wrong. They are the people who bully in general.
There are people who make life difficult in a myriad of ways.