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My sister wants to invite her friend (advice needed)

Paiva

Paiva

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
So, my sister and I are going to a gaming convention later this year, and we were both really excited about it. Neither of us has been at a convention before, and it was supposed to be just the 2 of us.

But now she has asked me if she can invite one of her friends as well. The friends lives abroad, and my sister don't see her very often. If she can't come to the convention, she can't visit my sister at all.

I don't feel like I have the right to tell the friend that she can't come to the convention. It is a public place after all, plus I know my sister would get really mad at me. But I've never met this friend before, and I really don't want to go to the convention with her. I'm sure she's nice, but that's not the point.

I can be social, but it doesn't come naturally to me. I have to put a lot of thought and effort into being around other people, unless I know them extremely well (like my sister). So if I go to the convention with my sister's friend, I won't be able to enjoy it very much, because all my energy will be spend on trying to maintain basic social skills.

Right now I mostly feel like giving the ticket to my sister's friend, and buy a new one for myself for the second day of the convention, so I can go alone instead. I was just really looking forward to going with my sister.

I'd love some advice, if anyone has ideas to better ways of dealing with this?
 
Paiva said:
So, my sister and I are going to a gaming convention later this year, and we were both really excited about it. Neither of us has been at a convention before, and it was supposed to be just the 2 of us.

But now she has asked me if she can invite one of her friends as well. The friends lives abroad, and my sister don't see her very often. If she can't come to the convention, she can't visit my sister at all.

I don't feel like I have the right to tell the friend that she can't come to the convention. It is a public place after all, plus I know my sister would get really mad at me. But I've never met this friend before, and I really don't want to go to the convention with her. I'm sure she's nice, but that's not the point.

I can be social, but it doesn't come naturally to me. I have to put a lot of thought and effort into being around other people, unless I know them extremely well (like my sister). So if I go to the convention with my sister's friend, I won't be able to enjoy it very much, because all my energy will be spend on trying to maintain basic social skills.

Right now I mostly feel like giving the ticket to my sister's friend, and buy a new one for myself for the second day of the convention, so I can go alone instead. I was just really looking forward to going with my sister.

I'd love some advice, if anyone has ideas to better ways of dealing with this?
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Maybe you could set a place and time to meet at when it is time to leave, at the convention, and just go do your own thing there if your sister is too busy with the friend?

My sympathies to you Paiva ,by the way, I understand how you feel:(, going from a super thing planned with your sister:)...to feeling like extra baggage:(.
 
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Maelstrom said:
Maybe you could set a place and time to meet at when it is time to leave, at the convention, and just go do your own thing there if your sister is too busy with the friend?

My sympathies to you Paiva ,by the way, I understand how you feel:(, going from a super thing planned with your sister:)...to feeling like extra baggage:(.
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Thank you for your reply, that's very helpful. I guess we could go together, and once we're there, I'll go on my own for an hour or two. Then we could meet again for lunch, and afterwards I could go on my own again. That way I can focus on the stuff I want to see, and still be a little social with my sister and her friend.

I'm meeting my sister later today, I'll be curious to see what she thinks of this plan.
 
Paiva said:
Thank you for your reply, that's very helpful. I guess we could go together, and once we're there, I'll go on my own for an hour or two. Then we could meet again for lunch, and afterwards I could go on my own again. That way I can focus on the stuff I want to see, and still be a little social with my sister and her friend.

I'm meeting my sister later today, I'll be curious to see what she thinks of this plan.
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You are welcome Paiva ,I like the avatar picture is it a water color painting?
 
Paiva said:
Thank you for your reply, that's very helpful. I guess we could go together, and once we're there, I'll go on my own for an hour or two. Then we could meet again for lunch, and afterwards I could go on my own again. That way I can focus on the stuff I want to see, and still be a little social with my sister and her friend.

I'm meeting my sister later today, I'll be curious to see what she thinks of this plan.
Click to expand...
 
This is a very good plan. i take it your sister knows you are on the spectrum and so can support your need to come in and out of the socialising as you need. I totally understand how having another person takes up so much energy whereas as many NT's think the more the merrier. I hope you come to a satisfactory resolution for all concerned
 
Maelstrom said:
You are welcome Paiva ,I like the avatar picture is it a water color painting?
Click to expand...

Thank you. The owl is a stamp, and the color is done in Photoshop with some textures added. I wanted it to look water color-ish, but I'm so much better at creative stuff on my computer.
 
Julia 27 said:
This is a very good plan. i take it your sister knows you are on the spectrum and so can support your need to come in and out of the socialising as you need. I totally understand how having another person takes up so much energy whereas as many NT's think the more the merrier. I hope you come to a satisfactory resolution for all concerned
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My sister does know, and usually she is very understanding. But she's also very stubborn when it comes to getting things the way she wants. So before I told her my answer, I made sure to carefully explain to her what my problem was. That it wasn't because I thought I wasn't going to like her friend or anything like that. We did come to the agreement that the 3 of us go together, and then I will have time to go explore the convention on my own.
 
Paiva said:
My sister does know, and usually she is very understanding. But she's also very stubborn when it comes to getting things the way she wants. So before I told her my answer, I made sure to carefully explain to her what my problem was. That it wasn't because I thought I wasn't going to like her friend or anything like that. We did come to the agreement that the 3 of us go together, and then I will have time to go explore the convention on my own.
Click to expand...
 
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