My son is not passing in school!!!

[Undiagnosed]

My son is 13 and in the seventh grade (for the second time). He has had problems with grades (amoungst other school problems) pretty much all of his school years. He is Extreemley Absent Minded and can't seem to organize his thoughts. Can't remember what the teacher said..... cant figure out if he had an asignment to do tonight for hommework and if so what it is,,, what pages in what book,,,,,,and if he get's past all that he probably dosn't know where the book is ,,,, if he gets threw every one of these issues and dose successfully compleate an assignment there's a good chance he won't know where it is when it's time to turn it in...even if it has been done and placed in a particular folder for that class....... He was diagnosed with ADD when he was in third grade. However beeing around other ADD kids it seemed that his diagnosis should be something different. He had the not beeing ablle to focus part..... but more extreems and something more but I was always cluless as to what it was. I'v had him tested and evaluated at school to try to get him special help but his inteligence always tested to high for special help which I now understand fits with aspurgers. I have recentley learned about what Aspurgers is and it described my son. After 13 years of wondering what is going on with my son I became absessed with learning everyting I can about Aspurges. The more I learnd the more I became SURE that he has it and that I also do. I did not have the problems with grades that he dose and from what i have learned it dosn't seem to be a common "Aspies" problem to not be able to pass or barley pass classes. Dose anyone have that problem? I feel like school and especially middle school with the many different teachers and switching classes, crouded hallways, etc. etc. is just way to much sencory overload for him to be able to focus in on anything. I think of my own case where I prefer to go to the store by myself. I can concentrate on getting what I need better that way. If someone else is with me chances are I will just grab the most neccasary items and give up and go due to feeling somewhat anchious . So I magnify the sensory overload feeling and apply that to my son in school. He often gets in trouble for "sleeping" in classes. I think he feels the need to close his eyes and put his head down to block out the sensory overload. One day his principal called me and told me to come get him from school. He was in her office and was "sleeping", she could not get him to "wake up". I am so glad I understand aspurgers now and feel that he is so overwelmed after all the years of school issues, grades plus gettin in trouble for things he says he dosn't understand why,. And now in middle school everything gets faster and more overwhelming every year and I think he is giveing up and shutting down to block it out. I have him in for a n appointment with a specialist to hopefully get him diagnosed correctley and get some help. The question I have is Dose anyone else have an experience like this? becouse in what I have learned it dosn't sound like not being able to get passing grades is a typical trait with aspurgers. And if someone dose have these problems I am wondering what kind of help he could get in passing school.

 

[Soup]

There seems to be several different things going on with your son. Firstly, I'd take him in for a complete physical. Have his vision & hearing tested. He may not be hearing everything that is going on or seeing the work properly. Have him tested for Dyslexia & for something called Irlen's Syndrome---> Irlen Institute, Colored Lenses, Colored Overlays, Diagnosticians, Screeners . Have a full nutritional work-up done. If he's anaemic or low in vitamin B12, he may be sleepy, lethargic & have cognitive challenges.

Who is available to help him at home with his studies? Since I'm a teacher, whenever I see a child struggling with basic academic tasks, I speak with those at home to see how they can work with the child to support his progress. I don't mean to be rude, but is English your mother tongue? I've read 3 threads you've begun & I noticed that you struggle with spelling & grammar. You may want to get a tutor to work one on one with your son to help support his learning. Most Universities have 3rd and 4th year students in Education who are willing to work as tutors. Sometimes, this help can be accessed free of charge. Talk to your son's teacher about this. The principal or guidance officer will be able to help you get someone.

Many kids work better at home one on one with a tutor because there are no other kids there chatting or making other sounds, they feel less pressured & are less afraid to ask questions when they do not understand something. What is he good at & what does he enjoy & what are his interests? Typically, I try to meet the student where he is (in terms of interests & aptitudes) & use those as a scaffold to support his learning. This strategy is effective not only with Aspies (like myself) but works with all students.

 

[Undiagnosed]

Thanks Soup. Yes English is my only language and yes I am a terrable speller. And my son hates for me to try to help him with homework. I am terrable t math and always hated school myself. A tutor might b a good idea. And I will check out the syndrome you spoke of.. I have never heard of it.

 

[smith2267]

Lots of things you can do. Some ideas:
Talk to his teachers, explain his problems and ask if they can work with you.
Consider alternatives like online schooling, if it is available. I know Ohio has it.
Buy him an organizer.
See if he can be seated at the front of the class--fewer distractions that way.

 

[silent ABAB]

I couldn't vouch directly to Asperger's with him, but he has something for sure, hope you can find help for him. I say that because I was in his exact situation last year. Although the sleeping during school thing "could" apply. Could be because he might be up late with an extreme interest, might not be because he might just be up late like the majority of defiant teens. Also, being the only Aspie where I'm at makes it that I'm the most organized, since I want to be able to find my things. Everything is organized in all of my folders and locker to the point where changing periods is just about switching about trading some books from my locker. I also say the sleeping doesn't apply to the sensory overload, because even though I do go to a private school, it does show up a lot. It usually gives me a headache and makes me less coherent during class. What it does not do is make me want to close my eyes, the polar opposite, in fact. What it really seems to me though is that it might be an extreme case of ADHD and/or ADD.

 

[Merdy]

This actually sounds a lot like me
I failed 8th grade and had to do it all over again I am 16 and a sophomore now I have had this problem for awhile until I was formally diagnosed and got the help I needed. I was always failing my classes and I also have REALLY bad ADD I never really cared to much about school work and I never asked for help because I was afraid for people in class to see me or look at me because I was constantly being made fun of for how quirky I am and how I'm not able to understand something everyone else can understand so I just sat in the back of the room instead of sleeping I would draw all day I still do that but is your son medicated for his ADD? I've been medicated since I was also diagnosed when I was in third grade I'm on Concerta 36mg and I am a comp,steely different person when I am on it I can do EVERYTHING like I get things really fast and my grades go up dramatically I had not been taking it a lot up until now because it always makes me sick but when ever I don't take it it's basically like if I can't hear and I can't see for some reason I can never remember do do my homework or even remember the steps to solve a algebra equation not even a little bit and the teachers when they try to explain something to me I can never make any sense of what on earth they are trying to say to me and even when they do it visually I cannot understand it but once I'm on my meds I can get stuff down really fast and I do everything faster than all the other kids in my class :O so yeah I hope that helps a little :O

 

[Undiagnosed]

This actually sounds a lot like me
I failed 8th grade and had to do it all over again I am 16 and a sophomore now I have had this problem for awhile until I was formally diagnosed and got the help I needed. I was always failing my classes and I also have REALLY bad ADD I never really cared to much about school work and I never asked for help because I was afraid for people in class to see me or look at me because I was constantly being made fun of for how quirky I am and how I'm not able to understand something everyone else can understand so I just sat in the back of the room instead of sleeping I would draw all day I still do that but is your son medicated for his ADD? I've been medicated since I was also diagnosed when I was in third grade I'm on Concerta 36mg and I am a comp,steely different person when I am on it I can do EVERYTHING like I get things really fast and my grades go up dramatically I had not been taking it a lot up until now because it always makes me sick but when ever I don't take it it's basically like if I can't hear and I can't see for some reason I can never remember do do my homework or even remember the steps to solve a algebra equation not even a little bit and the teachers when they try to explain something to me I can never make any sense of what on earth they are trying to say to me and even when they do it visually I cannot understand it but once I'm on my meds I can get stuff down really fast and I do everything faster than all the other kids in my class :O so yeah I hope that helps a little :O

Thanks for you reply. It helps to hear from someone closer to his age. He has just turned 14 now. You might understand first hand what is going on. He is on Vivans. I think that is a lot of the problem the dose is too low right now. Mabey it is the extreame ADD doing this, however he has so many other issues that don't fit the ADD. This is where I think he has Asperger's too. Do u have Asperger's and ADD?

 

[Merdy]

Thanks for you reply. It helps to hear from someone closer to his age. He has just turned 14 now. You might understand first hand what is going on. He is on Vivans. I think that is a lot of the problem the dose is too low right now. Mabey it is the extreame ADD doing this, however he has so many other issues that don't fit the ADD. This is where I think he has Asperger's too. Do u have Asperger's and ADD?

Yes I do I was finally just recently diagnosed with aspergers and I've been diagnosed ADD since I was younger and once I finally got diagnosed with aspergers the school was able to find my problems and give me the special help I need and yeah my mom out me on that and she said it made me angry and whatever and so I've been on Concerta for a long time but everyone's different :O

 

[Undiagnosed]

Yes I do I was finally just recently diagnosed with aspergers and I've been diagnosed ADD since I was younger and once I finally got diagnosed with aspergers the school was able to find my problems and give me the special help I need and yeah my mom out me on that and she said it made me angry and whatever and so I've been on Concerta for a long time but everyone's different :O

So what help was the school able to give you? I have the problem with my son now that he dosn't want to be diagnosed. He is afraid he will be put in 'special ed' and he dosn't want that. Did you have a problem with being diagnosed since you were older like my son? Thank you so much for your imput. I am finding this very insightfull to be able to talk with someon younger.

 

[epath13]

What country are you from? If you are in US, your son doesn't have to be in special education class (if that's what he's afraid of). Any child with disability has a right to be in a regular classroom, there's no requirement for a child to be in a different class. Some might recommend it, but it's not necessary. I have 2 kids on the spectrum, one of them is in 1st grade and one is still in preschool. If you kid gets Asperger's diagnosis or some other one it's not going to get easier so I would suggest to start looking for people who can assist you. And don't give up if you feel rejected or misunderstood it happens to most of us. There people who deal with schools, laws, doctors all the time (for free) and have experience with that. You son definitely needs support and he needs to understand that there's nothing wrong with the diagnosis of Asperger's, Autism or any other one. My older son (he hasn't been officially diagnosed, he's been assessed at school and is going to have medical assessment soon, hopefully he'll get diagnosed but there's no guarantee) anyway... he didn't want to have Autism. He saw a commercial about "eliminating Autism" or "stopping Autism", so he thought it was something really bad, and that people who had Autism were bad. So I got him to watch this video:

and his opinion changed completely. What I'm trying to say is that if you believe that you son has Asperger's the first thing that I would do - look for support groups, education groups. You school district might have a group as well. The reason why you might need to look for extra help is that if and when he get a diagnosis, dealing with school and getting support you child needs might still be challenging. If you are lucky, and your son is in a good school, then you might be fine. If your son's school pretty much like majority of schools it might be tough to get exactly what your family needs, but it's not impossible.

 

[Undiagnosed]

What country are you from? If you are in US, your son doesn't have to be in special education class (if that's what he's afraid of). Any child with disability has a right to be in a regular classroom, there's no requirement for a child to be in a different class. Some might recommend it, but it's not necessary. I have 2 kids on the spectrum, one of them is in 1st grade and one is still in preschool. If you kid gets Asperger's diagnosis or some other one it's not going to get easier so I would suggest to start looking for people who can assist you. And don't give up if you feel rejected or misunderstood it happens to most of us. There people who deal with schools, laws, doctors all the time (for free) and have experience with that. You son definitely needs support and he needs to understand that there's nothing wrong with the diagnosis of Asperger's, Autism or any other one. My older son (he hasn't been officially diagnosed, he's been assessed at school and is going to have medical assessment soon, hopefully he'll get diagnosed but there's no guarantee) anyway... he didn't want to have Autism. He saw a commercial about "eliminating Autism" or "stopping Autism", so he thought it was something really bad, and that people who had Autism were bad. So I got him to watch this video:

and his opinion changed completely. What I'm trying to say is that if you believe that you son has Asperger's the first thing that I would do - look for support groups, education groups. You school district might have a group as well. The reason why you might need to look for extra help is that if and when he get a diagnosis, dealing with school and getting support you child needs might still be challenging. If you are lucky, and your son is in a good school, then you might be fine. If your son's school pretty much like majority of schools it might be tough to get exactly what your family needs, but it's not impossible.

Thanks a lot. I have been wondering what would happen in school if he gets diagnosed. I am glad to know he would not have to go into special ed becouse that is one of his bigest problems with it. . My son has an evaluation next Thursday. I havn't even told him the date yet becouse he is so hard to deal with on this issue. He will protest and argue all the way. I don't even know how I'm gonna get him to participate in a way that he can be evaluated correctley. The place said the evaluation would take several hours and he is being very sturborn on the subject.

 

[Soup]

@ Undiagnosed: Perhaps it'll prove to be a good thing for him once he's actually in there. Sometimes they get stubborn & then can't back away from it (for fear of losing face or appearing to 'give in'). Also, maybe once whatever is going on with him has a name, he'll see that it can be managed & improved. Asperger's is not a death sentence & it needn't mean the end of having friends, getting dates or living a full life. He may not even require a special ed class. You mentioned that he was having difficulties: maybe a little tutoring & some new learning strategies would help him? Many of the kids I worked with who has some sort of special needs suddenly saw their grades increase sharply when the teaching approach & learning strategies were tweaked, changed or added in that suited the child's unique challenges & learning style.

 

[Dragon's Tooth]

I can relate to what the OP is saying about her child. I have learning problems but I have learnt to hide them so well that when I try to get tested for them I always test as if I don't have them and then way above normal. It made my university life hard because I was unable to concentrate and unable to focus. I should have been getting straight As but I was more of a B and C student. Even in high school I was still the same.

I wish I could pass on how to help but no matter where I turned everyone just said to me "your too smart for the tests there is nothing we can do". If they can't test you and get a positive result they won't do anything, well at least in my home country. I tried so many things to study and learn but unless I A) saw a point to it or B) was mega interested in it study was like pulling teeth for me.

As you read this you wouldn't know I have dyslexia. You wouldn't know I have a bunch of other things going on. I have spent so much of my life hiding it you can't even tell I have any problems any more. I never received any help. I just had to figure it out on my own because unless you fit into a nice neat mould no one was really interested. You fell in the too hard basket.

Soup probably offers the best advice as she is an educator. I wish I had had more teachers like soup growing up. You know, ones that cared and wanted the best for their students.

 

[Bay]

What country are you from? If you are in US, your son doesn't have to be in special education class (if that's what he's afraid of). Any child with disability has a right to be in a regular classroom, there's no requirement for a child to be in a different class. Some might recommend it, but it's not necessary. I have 2 kids on the spectrum, one of them is in 1st grade and one is still in preschool. If you kid gets Asperger's diagnosis or some other one it's not going to get easier so I would suggest to start looking for people who can assist you. And don't give up if you feel rejected or misunderstood it happens to most of us. There people who deal with schools, laws, doctors all the time (for free) and have experience with that. You son definitely needs support and he needs to understand that there's nothing wrong with the diagnosis of Asperger's, Autism or any other one. My older son (he hasn't been officially diagnosed, he's been assessed at school and is going to have medical assessment soon, hopefully he'll get diagnosed but there's no guarantee) anyway... he didn't want to have Autism. He saw a commercial about "eliminating Autism" or "stopping Autism", so he thought it was something really bad, and that people who had Autism were bad. So I got him to watch this video:

and his opinion changed completely. What I'm trying to say is that if you believe that you son has Asperger's the first thing that I would do - look for support groups, education groups. You school district might have a group as well. The reason why you might need to look for extra help is that if and when he get a diagnosis, dealing with school and getting support you child needs might still be challenging. If you are lucky, and your son is in a good school, then you might be fine. If your son's school pretty much like majority of schools it might be tough to get exactly what your family needs, but it's not impossible.

Epath, thank you for posting this video. It makes me glad to see children getting help and understanding. That did not happen when I was young.

 

[Merdy]

So what help was the school able to give you? I have the problem with my son now that he dosn't want to be diagnosed. He is afraid he will be put in 'special ed' and he dosn't want that. Did you have a problem with being diagnosed since you were older like my son? Thank you so much for your imput. I am finding this very insightfull to be able to talk with someon younger.

I was put in special Ed for my problems and actually you can sayyyyy I guess I'm the kinda person who really doesn't care about what people think of me because I have a lot of self confidence I tell people I have aspergers I don't care what all the other kids think if I have the right friends which I do they don't make fun of me or anything I'm getting the help I need in school and its a lot better then it was before but schools usually will consider if you feel uncomfortable about other people knowing they will keep it a secret and still be able to help you since he's still in middle school I can understand being scared of that because middle school SUCKS and everyone SUCKS but really once he's in high school he might change his mind because a lot of people are a lot more like not sooooo mean but yeah I'm not sure if I am explaining myself correctly here

 

[Undiagnosed]

@ Undiagnosed: Perhaps it'll prove to be a good thing for him once he's actually in there. Sometimes they get stubborn & then can't back away from it (for fear of losing face or appearing to 'give in'). Also, maybe once whatever is going on with him has a name, he'll see that it can be managed & improved. Asperger's is not a death sentence & it needn't mean the end of having friends, getting dates or living a full life. He may not even require a special ed class. You mentioned that he was having difficulties: maybe a little tutoring & some new learning strategies would help him? Many of the kids I worked with who has some sort of special needs suddenly saw their grades increase sharply when the teaching approach & learning strategies were tweaked, changed or added in that suited the child's unique challenges & learning style.

I am wondering if I should give him his Vivans the day of the evaluation or have him evaluated his unmedicated self? Especially since his dose was just increased this week it could make a big difference in the outcome and I am also afraid the process will be too frustraiting without the meds. What do u think Soup?

 

[Bay]

I am wondering if I should give him his Vivans the day of the evaluation or have him evaluated his unmedicated self? Especially since his dose was just increased this week it could make a big difference in the outcome and I am also afraid the process will be too frustraiting without the meds. What do u think Soup?

Before I went in for my diagnostic testing, I was specifically asked not to take my ADD medicine so as to not skew the results.

 

[Soup]

Please be sure that he does NOT take any medications whatsoever prior to the test. This is not like a maths test where the goal is to get the best grade possible. It is more of a screening/evaluation process where the goal is to get to the bottom of what is going on with the person being evaluated& learn as much as possible about what is happening. Then, with a finely tuned diagnosis in hand, steps can be taken to minimize the negative affects these may be having on his life.

Parents (& the kids themselves) often want to appear to e as 'normal'as possible due to the stigma associated with labels.This only prevents the person in question from gaining access to badly needed resources & delays their progress.

 

[Undiagnosed]

Thanks you all!