My therapist gave me some perspective regarding my mother.

[Metalhead]

My mother's ablism and dismissal of my words is a product of her time, essentially. She grew up when most of what people knew about autism were the most extreme cases.

And her awful diet advice is also a product of her time - she basically is telling me what bad advice was marketed to women decades ago.

She may be narcissistic, but she probably believes she is the opposite of malicious.

I still am going to limit contact with her. And give her information starvation. But having a bit more perspective helps to ease the pervasive anger and frustration and makes letting things go so much easier.

 

[Judge]

My mother's ablism and dismissal of my words is a product of her time, essentially. She grew up when most of what people knew about autism were the most extreme cases.

And her awful diet advice is also a product of her time - she basically is telling me what bad advice was marketed to women decades ago.

She may be narcissistic, but she probably believes she is the opposite of malicious.

I still am going to limit contact with her. And give her information starvation. But having a bit more perspective helps to ease the pervasive anger and frustration and makes letting things go so much easier.

Sounds like a step in the right direction. To withdraw incrementally...and see how it goes.

 

[Rodafina]

That’s wonderful to have developed a better understanding of your mother. That doesn’t have to excuse her behavior, but I think the more you can separate your own worth from her behavior the better. I’m glad this perspective was helpful to you.

 

[Mary Terry]

@Metalhead - You're a good person. With this new insight into your mother, please try to take anything she says with a healthy pinch of salt, don't let her get under your skin, and consider the source of her comments and criticisms. She probably is about the same age as I am but I try to keep up with modern developments and constantly seek to learn.

 

[Aspychata]

Don't apologize for her behavior, she doesn't get the mommy award from me. But my mom has changed her feelings about me, she seems less combative. But l follow the little contact rule, it's just easier!