ND - ND Marriage?

[Gerald Wilgus]

I was diagnosed over a decade ago, yet only recently have gotten help to deal with trauma as a teen and young adult. As a result I have been paying attention to autism more. I think my spouse is on the spectrum. She didn't have friends growing up and had a lot of social anxiety. I had to help her get through the first few times we had friends over. However, she is far more socially savvy than I with respect to relationships. So, I think a ND - ND marriage is pretty nice. I am the more volatile of us, yet we are comfortable sitting next to each other in silence. When we first met I wondered at her acceptance of me. No more. When we work together we are a force. She has ideas and the next thing I know I am rebuilding furniture in novel ways. I manage to get one or two woodworking tools each project, so I'm happy. Our abilities to accommodate each other for 44 years is well practiced and we still are very compatible and committed to each other.

 

[Aspychata]

There is one on the spectrum that l love sitting next to in silence but he has decided he is bad at relationships. But we defintely compliment each other in many ways.

 

[Judge]

I'm guessing if I was up for another relationship I'd prefer one of my own kind this time around. Maybe I could get it right.

When I had my relationships long ago with NT women, at the time neither they or myself had a clue I could be on the spectrum. Looking back on most of them, I don't think I stood a chance. Had no idea who or what I was at the time. Making critical errors without understanding why.

 

[1ForAll]

The ND & ND marriage is working for us, if "working" means relationship longevity and compatibility for important traits. For instance, I am far more able to handle stress than my wife, and far more willing or able thus to help and assist. Also, I am less social but more empathetic than her. She thinks in generalities; I see the details. I live in the present; She lives in the past and future. I am more logical and spontaneous, whereas she is more emotional and rigid. I am more open minded and balanced, whereas she sees things often as black and white. I prefer 1-1 talks; she rather talk to groups. I am extremely calm, and she is energetic. I seem more introverted, and she seems extroverted, yet I can express my feelings well, but she cannot. And yet we both love crafts, writing, music and had very similar bad upbringings. As well, we both are not materialistic and are into enjoying the simple things in life, So, the moral of the story, in my mind, is that successful relationships need both similarities and compatible differences. There needs to be one also that must take charge and be cool and collected when things get rough. ND marriages can be just as difficult though, or even more so I feel, than NT marriages, for instance, and for relationships where one is NT and the other ND, too, as so many things have to work more in harmony for ND couples, who may often have more difficulties, needs and/or stressors.

 

[Rasputin]

I have wondered about my wife, as she has a lot of social anxiety. However, she is more social than I am. She has a few special interests, crime investigation, travel, and recently UFC fighting (which I don’t care for). However, she doesn’t have the hypersensitivity issues that I have, and she has friends unlike me.

She is definitely neurotypical in the way she thinks and interacts with people, and she really doesn’t understand me well. She thinks I should make friends with people, but that just doesn’t happen. Since being diagnosed with ASD and general anxiety disorder, she has become acutely aware of my autistic traits and says I am weird. However, we have been together for 30 years, and we are trying to make it work.