Nearing 50 and pretty much done.

[Skids]

Hello again you wonderful people. I haven't posted for ages and only generally do so when i'm looking for sage advice or hit rock bottom in life. Or both!

I have Asperger's and was diagnosed in 2017 in my early 40's. I'm now 46, significantly overweight, don't want to do anything but stay home and can't muster the motivation to change. I have a family with a 13 year old NT kid and NT partner and up until about 7 years ago i worked full time rescuing animals, went to Uni to do a 3 year degree and had some degree of hope for the future. Now i feel nothing. Everything is just a means to an end and any pride i had in myself and effort to try and improve my lot have disappeared.

I realise that a lot of people on the spectrum aren't so fortunate as myself in terms of having jobs in the past, relationships etc due to their challenges so i am mindful of that.

However, i am now wondering if there is any way back from this?

Being the age that i am i can't do some of the things i used to and i doubt myself being able to do the things i still could do but am scared to try. I have depression but have not been able to access the NHS services in the UK to assist despite multiple complaints. However, having discovered that the Head of Psychology of my local NHS Trust used to work for a failing private healthcare company responsible for banging up autistic people against their will just because they are autistic had agreed to meet with me to discuss my onslaught of complaints and allegations, i cannot take the risk of that happening to me - despite me being a million miles from being a candidate to be detained against my will in a secure healthcare setting.

These people cannot be trusted.

Nothing worth doing comes easy i guess but nothing IS worth doing anymore. Is it? Even if i could. Do i really want to? What is the end game?

I do have a desire to feel like a participating member in society again as that feeling is important, although i am a secretive misanthrope too so a dichotomy.

I'm angry with systems, society, governance, public services and have lost total trust in pretty much everyone. Covid hasn't helped at all and has helped to create even more division between society and myself. Being someone opposed to pretty much all of the mainstream Covid narrative and measures etc.

Sorry all. Bit of a mess i know.

Is anyone able to nail some clarity to the floor for me on this one and give me advice on believing myself and valuing myself again? Getting fitter and getting the weight off is an urgent priority. I just need the reason to do it.

Have a good evening everyone and thanks.

 

[Slim Jim]

Losing weight will balance your homornal profile. That should be top priority. (Plus sunlight. Exercise. Nutrition; low glycemic index foods.) Yeah NHS sucks. You have a family, therefore, you have some support/responsibility.

You have a 13 year old kid? if you cant feel motivated for yourself, you can at least try to be a good role model. Maybe that can be motivation. That's a different dynamic than somebody just doing his own thing.

"I cannot take the risk" NHS is not a gulag system. Mayeb its different where you are, but I may find nhs annoying and useless, but I don't fear them. Only police can lock you up. If you're sane , they cant do anything. If you don't act psychotic. Say stupid things. You have nothing to fear.

Not sure that's sage advice. My take.

 

[Skids]

Hey Jim. Thanks for your input. I take your points. I guess i'm just totally burnt out and need to find that replacement battery from somewhere and quick. Losing weight will help. What do foods with low glycemic index do, or what benefit do they have on the body?

I'm sane. I just wonder if some of those who work for the NHS are sometimes. They've obliterated my trust in them and so naturally i have some element of paranoia about their motives and intentions sometimes.

 

[Slim Jim]

Well, being overweight generally means poor insulin response, you might have hyperinsulin, leading to excess storage of fat. Caused from high carb (glucose) diet. Low glycemic just helps your body metabolically stabilize. Helps lose weight. Your not spiking your system. It's hard to stick to a diet. I have sugar cravings too. Also just maintain a calorie deficit, lose atleast a pound each week, maybe two pounds a week or more, of you are really heavy. Just check your weight to see its going down each week, month. It takes discipline. But You will feel better eventually. Sunlight will boos vitamin d, (can also take in supplement form.) It's essential for health, maybe the most important thing, it's not a vitamin, it acts more like an hormone. I would take vitamin d& magnesium. They complement each other. You dont have to be strict on your diet, as long as you maintain a downward progression in weight , over the course of time, which is the most important thing. Obesity, (western diet + excessive fat storage) is preceding cause of majority of diseases. It effects mood, and brain too. So fix that, and it will help. Good diet (natural foods) = Antioxidants, less damage to brain and body. Probiotics = regulate gut flora, which effects mood also.

Spoiler

I'm actually dieting myself right now.

Today...(SO FAR!) 500kcal

45g protein
? fat
? carb 10g??

Basically: chicken + yogurt + coffee

It's really hard. I'm craving sugar real bad.

I don't really need to do it. I just wanna do it, for health +aesthetic reasons.

 

[Nick12]

never never neve give up on your self if you like sesame street go to youtube and type in sesame street we all sing in the same voive verry happy song i wish you the best day ever filled with sunshine and rainbows

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

You sound depressed. I think many of us who have told ourselves negative messages in the past are susceptible to feeling the way you do, that little matters and getting motivated becomes hard.

Start small. As Slim Jim says, start with improving your health. Having Type II Diabetis, I watch my carbs and try to limit things to 30 g or less a meal. Legumes are great as their starch is bound to protein, and corn I could treat as a whole grain. For whatever reason the freeze dried hash browns from Idaho Spuds does not spike my sugar. Breakfast and I could make a corn and sausage bake or, if I have aged rice will make Gallo Pinto (fried up black beans with rice and a little onion, green pepper and celery, seasoned with Worcestershire sauce or Salsa Lizzano.

Start with doing one thing a day. Or plan to do something with your son, even if it is only a walk.

I found that even if not motivated initially starting something, even if you just go through the motions at first, improves things overall and soon you are on auto-pilot.

 

[Rodafina]

@Skids,
You mentioned you spent a long time rescuing animals. Do you still have access to animals or do you have any pets or anything? I think if you love animals, then being around them actually does positive stuff to your brain chemistry.

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote here. It sounds like this forum has been helpful to you in the past, so hopefully it is again.

 

[Matthias]

Stress caused by being frequently angry and not trusting anyone will worsen your mood which will reduce your energy and motivation. It's hard not to be depressed in that situation.

It's unfortunate you can't see a therapist although you can still learn how therapy works and be your own therapist by reading books written by highly qualified therapists. I think a therapist would likely address your situation in two ways:

1. Since the way you think and what you choose to think about affects your emotions and mood, a therapist would help you think differently or spend more time thinking about topics that don't make you angry so you will get angry less often and find it easier to trust people.

2. Encourage you to seek out positive experiences, such as spending more time with your child and partner while doing your best to think positively while you're around them so you can connect with them to strengthen your relationship, to counteract depressing or distressing emotions.

There's also things like meditation that can help you be more present and accept distressing thoughts and situations without judging them. I don't think it's for everyone but it can probably help if you're open to trying it.

If you want to lose weight, I recommend setting healthy goals (such as eating one healthy snack per day or walking 15 minutes a day and gradually increasing those goals if you feel better) instead of dieting so you can improve your health without being discouraged if your weight doesn't decrease. Diets often fail to work, resulting in discouragement and more depression, but accomplishing goals you consider important usually helps you feel better.

 

[Slim Jim]

So maybe your 40's looked miserable. Maybe when you're in your 50's you'll feel good. Things can get better. So don't think you'll never be happy. It can happen. If you only desire to turn it around. I know older people who are still content to live life to the full. So age is nothing but a number. It's mind over matter. With me, I'm coming up 34, I got no kids, so that's kinda...and I have a cousin too, like a year older than me, (I forget...his actually age.) who's player, and vows never to have kids, or get married, but I think it will be pretty depressing to be in my 40's, like some males I know, with no kids. Who had the opportunity, but purposefully didn't. As they thought it would ruin things. So at least you have a kid. That should be all the motivation you need.

 

[Zhantera]

So I think a lot of us, myself included, go through something crisis-like between the ages of 40-50. It's a weird age, you know, where you wonder if it's too late to start certain things, you start wondering why you're doing certain things, if there's a rhyme or reason to any of it. I went through that last year, right after my diagnosis. I've screwed up most of the things society deems important, such as a solid career, children, and I'm just now getting my first home. I had to take a solid look at myself, figure out what I felt was important to me and adjust my vision of what I wanted to achieve in this life. Sometimes it does seem futile- I mean, we are here for such a short blip of time, really. People who are young think they have forever, and then suddenly you blink and it's 20 years later and you still haven't achieved that thing lolol
My point is, you have a reason. The reason is you. I lost 80 lbs a few years back and learning to care for myself again, to value my own life on it's own merit, was the best thing life has taught me. I had 3 kids, (I don't anymore, they all passed) but I learned you can't use kids, family, anything, for motivation. The biggest reason is just because you are here. The body you have is amazing, and keeps going all these years with relatively little thought, many of us don't even think about how our bodies keep breathing, keep working, our hearts keep beating, in spite of us, really.
I'm a forcibly retired cpt/gfi and nutrition coach, I had a car accident and physically couldn't teach anymore, so as far as weight loss, just start small. Make one small change, make that a habit. When I lost weight, I started by just committing to 10 or 15 minutes of exercise a day. Life is always worth doing, it is a gift and the closer I get to the end of it, the more I realize it. It's never too late to do things, or find what makes you happy. I had to adjust my view of happiness, I had to realize that what makes me happy, truly happy, is not the things most people go after. I'm not terribly interested in having a career, really. I like being with my dogs, being outside, being in the garden, walking in the woods. I like taking care of my husband and writing (I guess you see that). In any case, it's never too late. Your life alone is valuable, worth making changes for.
Sorry this is long.