Need help dealing with suicide related compulsions

[Ya Boi]

I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts for a while now, but recently something new has popped up. I have this weird feeling in my hand that feels like I want to take a knife and stab myself. I'm not sure how to get rid of these feelings. I tried techniques my parents and therapist have taught me, like remembering what I'm grateful for and being compassionate towards those kinds of thoughts, but it feels like this feeling comes as a compulsion rather than from any sort of thought. I have plenty of reasons to not act on them and I remind myself of them, but the feeling still won't go away. How can I deal with it?

 

[Jumpinbare]

I could only give you the most generic answer.

You are stronger than you believe. All of us have more strength than we think we do. You don't have to give in to compulsions. As children, we have compulsion to be selfish. We learn to share. For some it's harder than others. You don't have to give your compulsions any power. Find an interest to occupy you.

 

[Tom]

That's beyond me. I wonder if a bigger doctor might help, like Pyschologist or Pyschiatrist. This may be over a therapists head too. Medication might be helpful.

P.S forgive me if I mispelled those P words. As a bad speller I hate them with all my being.

 

[Xinyta]

Something I found, that helped me, is thinking of reasons to stay alive. That or think of a negative person/situation that makes you feel this way and say to yourself "I will not let this person/situation beat me".

Thinking about it though. It may of been easier for me, because I developed a habit of personifying emotions. Got a grasp of them in a way I can understand.

Each person is different. So take this with a grain of salt.

 

[Rodafina]

I always want to be careful with giving advice to someone who is in danger of harming themselves. It’s good to hear that you have discussed this with your parents and your therapist. What you describe – the compulsive thought about stabbing yourself – sounds a bit like an intrusive thought. Usually intrusive thoughts are not something one would actually act on. So, when you are having them in addition to suicidal ideation, it can get a little tricky to separate the two. Nevertheless, it sounds like possibly your brain is taunting and teasing you with the idea of hurting yourself by injecting these intrusive thoughts into your head.

Have you had a chance to read through this thread? I wonder if it would be helpful to you.

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/intrusive-thoughts-and-hyper-awareness.46493/

 

[Aspychata]

If you ever felt out of control, please call 911 immediately. Are you able to identify it immediately as a intrusive thought? Do you have any support system in place when you get these thoughts? I think it's important to figure out how often this happens, and if something triggers you or it's just a random thought? Say no to knives. Say no to self-harm. If your therapist isn't helping you, l second @Tom 's advise of seeking a psychologist. Please stay safe, thank you for finding courage to write about this.

 

[Gerontius]

Hey there @Ya Boi

I have had thoughts where they would be similar, not the same but similar. It was almost like wanting to punish myself for having existed in an inadequate manner. You are welcome to exist, I assure you.

Life is beautiful but sometimes not so beautiful things have happened. It hurts us. And sometimes we hurt ourselves or dream about it. We have been hurt long enough and now it feels like the only constant thing so we end up subconsciously recreating that, perhaps.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts for a while now, but recently something new has popped up. I have this weird feeling in my hand that feels like I want to take a knife and stab myself. I'm not sure how to get rid of these feelings. I tried techniques my parents and therapist have taught me, like remembering what I'm grateful for and being compassionate towards those kinds of thoughts, but it feels like this feeling comes as a compulsion rather than from any sort of thought. I have plenty of reasons to not act on them and I remind myself of them, but the feeling still won't go away. How can I deal with it?

Me too
I feel even worse. It is too bad to state how I feel so that I can stop being hurt by people and God.
I have been so hurt that I do not know how God can use people that i was good to and loved and had high hopes for to be deceptive to me and try to steal everything that is beautiful to me.
I do not know how I can be victimised for my physical beauty so much when people have hurt me about it and I have been 'extremely' unwell.
I have felt those urges this year and my heart has wanted to bad to act on them and I am not always an exceptionally suicidal person. But what I feel now is worse.
Because I have just reached every limit.
Wondering how to find the love I need and whether anyone will treat me the way I deserve.
I do not know how I can do so much for others and then be so deeply violated and deceived.
I feel really low this Christmas and do not know how to keep going.
Hope you make it through though
You are a star.
And you will overcome this.
Love you. <3