Uncertain ways
Well-Known Member
I've been working in my current job for 9 years as office manager/financial assistant which worked quite well. My working place was, reception desk, was seperated from the others and as we do not get often guests it was pretty much quite. I was happy with it all in all, things worked most of the time well.
Since January this year I've been transferred to a new position in the same company, logistics. The reason for that is, because a colleague, our logistics manager, in this team (consisting of 2 persons) is unexpectedly absent very frequently since 3 years. There are always different reasons for the absence stomach, sleeping problems, accident. Her heartbeat is rising suddenly and then she calls her dad in panic and drives to the hospital to get an infusion. She is saying that this is due to her hormonal situation and the panic attacks are due to her hormonal problems. She only admitted to me a few times that she has panic attacks, had them as well many years ago, calling her dad in panic thinking she would have serious health issues and die and going to doctors, but they were not able to help her. It reminded me of what is happening during the last years.
In January there was almost nothing to do for me, as 3 were too much in logistics. But In February my other colleague called in sick due to burnout. So now I'm since February with this colleague who seems to be not very stable and is supposed to train me. There was only 1 week so far she really was there the whole week and it feels like a very unstable working situation, having impacts in the training as well, mistakes happening already. I had to adjust anyways very much already, but I feel like I cannot work like this forever, with somebody coming and going unexpectedly. I started to have doubts since I knew that I would be alone with her now for quite some time. She knew that, but she told me that she only needs to go the hospital for some appointments, but would feel much better than last year.
Last week was crazy and I got very overloaded with the conversations we had. She had a miscarriage on Monday, went Tuesday to the hospital. I talked to her and told her to stay home to take her time to process it. Wednesday she came half a day, because our boss was there that day, was talking very confident. The rest of the day she took of, which was fine. Then Thursday morning she came in and was not really responsive, she took some heavy painkillers she said and was very dizzy. She is frequently in this state, than she called the hospital in panic and wanted to drive immidiately to the hospital. I told her she should not drive in that condition, my colleague could drive her, but she did not listen and left.
She called me in the evening several times and left a message to call her back when I read it. I did so. We talked a bit about how she feels and went through some things that were upcoming at work and we did not discuss yet before and I wanted to end the conversation, but she kept asking if all is fine. I said all good and really wanted to end, but she pushed she hears in my voice it's not all good. So, I said just worried honestly about how things are going to develop in future. She said all will be fine, this was an exception. She said I'm doing things well and learning fast and tried to blame it on me being afraid to be alone. She said when she is on vacation I'm alone as well and it would be the same situation. I did not agree on that. Vacation is planned. I said let's see and ended the conversation, I really did not feel like talking more.
Friday she stayed home but called me at work to continue the conversation. She started again comparing this to vacation and that her absence was only in the last 2 weeks. I probably should have let it go, but I could not agree, it's since 3 years like this. She got loud and said I push her to come to work. I said please stay home, I don't want you to come. Let's please do what we discussed, I call you in emergencies. I was overloaded, I said I'll talk to our boss about the situation. She panicked and forbid me to talk to him. I ended the conversation. She wrote a message to me, I was not able to read, I was so overloaded, I had difficulties to concentrate on work. She called me again in lunch break, again to talk about the situation, that I should not talk to our boss, she cried, she said a lot of things like she is a problem, so I think she should quit her job, she has problems at home too, nobody can count on her. I tried to explain that I just want some support in the training process, when she is gone, so another colleague can help. But I can't decided this by myself to involve somebody else. We talked one hour and it felt emotionally draining, switching from crying to complementing me that I'm doing well, to self-pity, asking if i had eaten. I said I'm about to have my breakfast and she responded, ohhh she still can't eat, her stomack hurts so bad, she can't even think about eating, but she is happy that I can eat. I don't know, something felt wrong when she said that.
Sorry, it got very long. I can't handle this kind of emotional conversations. I never had this at work before. I was processing the conversations until today and still am busy with this. I talked to our boss, I did not mention our conversations, tried to keep it professional, just asking about support when she is gone. He reacted well, said I could ask anybody else for support. She talked also to him, I don't know what she told. I heard her complaining to a colleague about me that today I did not ask her how she feels, but it was too much for me too.
I also don't know if I did the right thing to talk to my boss. Maybe I should have waited half a year and see what happens. Now the atmosphere is crappy and I'm afraid that most people at the office will probably think I was not supporting her well enough, I don't know.
I am a bit lost on how to handle her, I try to keep it only about work when talking to her. I just don't feel like more talks.
Since January this year I've been transferred to a new position in the same company, logistics. The reason for that is, because a colleague, our logistics manager, in this team (consisting of 2 persons) is unexpectedly absent very frequently since 3 years. There are always different reasons for the absence stomach, sleeping problems, accident. Her heartbeat is rising suddenly and then she calls her dad in panic and drives to the hospital to get an infusion. She is saying that this is due to her hormonal situation and the panic attacks are due to her hormonal problems. She only admitted to me a few times that she has panic attacks, had them as well many years ago, calling her dad in panic thinking she would have serious health issues and die and going to doctors, but they were not able to help her. It reminded me of what is happening during the last years.
In January there was almost nothing to do for me, as 3 were too much in logistics. But In February my other colleague called in sick due to burnout. So now I'm since February with this colleague who seems to be not very stable and is supposed to train me. There was only 1 week so far she really was there the whole week and it feels like a very unstable working situation, having impacts in the training as well, mistakes happening already. I had to adjust anyways very much already, but I feel like I cannot work like this forever, with somebody coming and going unexpectedly. I started to have doubts since I knew that I would be alone with her now for quite some time. She knew that, but she told me that she only needs to go the hospital for some appointments, but would feel much better than last year.
Last week was crazy and I got very overloaded with the conversations we had. She had a miscarriage on Monday, went Tuesday to the hospital. I talked to her and told her to stay home to take her time to process it. Wednesday she came half a day, because our boss was there that day, was talking very confident. The rest of the day she took of, which was fine. Then Thursday morning she came in and was not really responsive, she took some heavy painkillers she said and was very dizzy. She is frequently in this state, than she called the hospital in panic and wanted to drive immidiately to the hospital. I told her she should not drive in that condition, my colleague could drive her, but she did not listen and left.
She called me in the evening several times and left a message to call her back when I read it. I did so. We talked a bit about how she feels and went through some things that were upcoming at work and we did not discuss yet before and I wanted to end the conversation, but she kept asking if all is fine. I said all good and really wanted to end, but she pushed she hears in my voice it's not all good. So, I said just worried honestly about how things are going to develop in future. She said all will be fine, this was an exception. She said I'm doing things well and learning fast and tried to blame it on me being afraid to be alone. She said when she is on vacation I'm alone as well and it would be the same situation. I did not agree on that. Vacation is planned. I said let's see and ended the conversation, I really did not feel like talking more.
Friday she stayed home but called me at work to continue the conversation. She started again comparing this to vacation and that her absence was only in the last 2 weeks. I probably should have let it go, but I could not agree, it's since 3 years like this. She got loud and said I push her to come to work. I said please stay home, I don't want you to come. Let's please do what we discussed, I call you in emergencies. I was overloaded, I said I'll talk to our boss about the situation. She panicked and forbid me to talk to him. I ended the conversation. She wrote a message to me, I was not able to read, I was so overloaded, I had difficulties to concentrate on work. She called me again in lunch break, again to talk about the situation, that I should not talk to our boss, she cried, she said a lot of things like she is a problem, so I think she should quit her job, she has problems at home too, nobody can count on her. I tried to explain that I just want some support in the training process, when she is gone, so another colleague can help. But I can't decided this by myself to involve somebody else. We talked one hour and it felt emotionally draining, switching from crying to complementing me that I'm doing well, to self-pity, asking if i had eaten. I said I'm about to have my breakfast and she responded, ohhh she still can't eat, her stomack hurts so bad, she can't even think about eating, but she is happy that I can eat. I don't know, something felt wrong when she said that.
Sorry, it got very long. I can't handle this kind of emotional conversations. I never had this at work before. I was processing the conversations until today and still am busy with this. I talked to our boss, I did not mention our conversations, tried to keep it professional, just asking about support when she is gone. He reacted well, said I could ask anybody else for support. She talked also to him, I don't know what she told. I heard her complaining to a colleague about me that today I did not ask her how she feels, but it was too much for me too.
I also don't know if I did the right thing to talk to my boss. Maybe I should have waited half a year and see what happens. Now the atmosphere is crappy and I'm afraid that most people at the office will probably think I was not supporting her well enough, I don't know.
I am a bit lost on how to handle her, I try to keep it only about work when talking to her. I just don't feel like more talks.
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