Need some guidance and advice

[Arcaign]

Hi all...

My some Jacob is 7 years old and was diagnosed with aspergers about 2 years ago. For me, it was a hard acceptance but I tried my best to look at the positive to which there are many. It might sound biased, but he is the sweetest little boy you would ever like to meet. He doesn't have melt downs, isn't really very compulsive about things however does have some unique qualities that set him apart.

He is now at the age where he is starting to realize that there is something different about him and he is upset that he doesn't have friends. He has verbally expressed his sadness to the fact that he didn't have friends in junior kindergarten, senior kindergarten, grade one and now grade 2. You can imagine how his sadness effects both myself and his mother.

I want to help him somehow and am not sure what to do. I feel lost, helpless and upset that I can't be there for my son the way I should be with this. I am looking at some social training courses but want to offer some form of comfort for him.

Any advice would be strongly appreciated.

 

[epath13]

I have 2 kids on Autism spectrum and I am on the spectrum myself. Sometimes it's hard for me to relate to parents who are more emotions oriented and/ or who are not on the spectrum themselves. (Even thought I do think there're emotions oriented people on Autism spectrum as well.) But, I've been to lots meetings and a few conferences organized for parents and educators, so I might be able to throw a few ideas here and there.
Here're a few things that pop into my mind, advise wise:
1) try to be around other parents who have kids with special needs: join support group, online or off-line. They may help you with practical advise and emotional support. I think emotional support wise, off-line gathering may be better for some.
2) avoid people who give useless advice or speak without full understanding what Autism is. If you can't avoid them, try to ignore them.
3) sometimes a counselor might be useful, but try to find one who is a specializes in Autism
4) challenges can be overcome. Search around for a social group for your son. Some schools have them. For most of people on the spectrum it's not easy to make friends or figure out how to socialize but social skills can be taught.

What your outlook on Autism matters a lot as well and may influence your child. I'm not very good at emotional support but all I can say is that you have to look at possibilities. He can have friends, with a little bit of effort (and sometimes with a lot of effort) but it's possible. Sometimes for people on Autism spectrum it's hard to relate to others but it doesn't mean you have to give up on yourself completely.

Is there anything else that worries you? Does you son have any other challenges besides social?

one more thing.
I've already posted this on a different thread and here I am again
My son is 7, last year we told him that he might have Autism. at 1st he became upset, because he thought Autism was an enemy and has to be destroyed (thanks to some commercials) but then I showed him this and his attitude changed completely:
BBC - My Autism and Me - YouTube

 

[Kelly]

I have a 7 almost 8 year old daughter on the spectrum and like epath I too am on the spectrum. My little girl is very lucky because she has alot of friends, although the number seems to be getting smaller and smaller as she gets older (and arguements with her friends are increasing).

I've found that having access to outside clubs has helped her with friendships because 90% of the kids in her year at school are kids she's known since she was a toddler at pre-school so they've all just sort of played together for years now. She's been taking aikido classes since she was 3 and initially she was too scared to make friends but then another girl joined when she was 6 and they immediately paired up and have been good friends since, aikido being something to focus on rather then socialising being the main objective.

She started a stage school in September and again was outside her usual circle of friends and again was too shy to talk to the others properly but because they were there to dance, act and sing it was a more focused way of socialising (and performing is an obsession of hers so that helped). Now she is very chatty with the other kids and is friends with a few of them (mainly the boys).

Is there a club your son might be willing to join that he might make friends at? Also as suggested by epath ask his school about any available clubs. My daughter's school have allsorts of clubs and some of them are specifically for making friends and some for kids with special needs. At the moment she attends music therapy, craft club, play club and she also has maths club (to help her with maths as she struggles with that) and again she gets to interact with different kids from school, some of them older some of them younger.

A book I found really good that explains to a child about how to make friends and what a friend is was this one;

How to Be a Friend: A Guide to Making Friends and Keeping Them Dino Life Guides for Families: Amazon.co.uk: Laurene Krasny Brown, Marc Tolon Brown: Books

 

[Loomis]

Hi all...

My some Jacob is 7 years old and was diagnosed with aspergers about 2 years ago. For me, it was a hard acceptance but I tried my best to look at the positive to which there are many. It might sound biased, but he is the sweetest little boy you would ever like to meet. He doesn't have melt downs, isn't really very compulsive about things however does have some unique qualities that set him apart.

He is now at the age where he is starting to realize that there is something different about him and he is upset that he doesn't have friends. He has verbally expressed his sadness to the fact that he didn't have friends in junior kindergarten, senior kindergarten, grade one and now grade 2. You can imagine how his sadness effects both myself and his mother.

I want to help him somehow and am not sure what to do. I feel lost, helpless and upset that I can't be there for my son the way I should be with this. I am looking at some social training courses but want to offer some form of comfort for him.

Any advice would be strongly appreciated.

Jacob sounds very much like my son. He is very sweet and was eager to make friends at school and in the neighborhood but it did not happen and he was very disappointed. It was heart-breaking to see his hurt. We did not know he was on the spectrum until he was much older. My son was also very small and was bullied in school.

My wife was tireless in finding the right school for him and we moved him many times until we found a school that worked. She tried everything and her efforts minimized but could not eliminate the detrimental effects on him. At one point he went to an online school and that worked for a while. My wife also home schooled him at various times.

My son is 17 now and he is being home schooled again by my wife because the school district he is in is not a good fit.

It is wonderful that he is so good-hearted and sweet but he is also very vulnerable. Fortunately for him he is highly gifted in music. When he was three years old he told us he wanted to play the violin so we enrolled him in a Suzuki violin program. This gift has helped him immensely because he knows he can do something better than any of his peers. He has also made friends over the years in the various music programs that he participated in. These are his only friends but they're good friends.

That's my son's story so I guess my advice to you is to discover your son's talents and interests and allow him to immerse himself in them.

Feel free to send me a private message if you wish.

 

[Jacki Cucinotta]

I would definitely recommend having your son get involved in social groups - maybe even allow him join any after-school activities that might be of interest to him. Like Epath suggests, it might also be a good idea to try talking with parents of children with Asperger syndrome. They are very useful because you will gain insight from someone who experiences AS in their world first-hand. Also, I would also think about having your son meet with a counselor who he can talk to about how he feels, how he can learn to socialize, etc. Hope all the comments we have given so far are helpful, and I wish you and your son good luck.

P.S. He sounds like a great kid from your description. Focus on the positive qualities he has too - that's often really helpful instead of just focusing on fixing the negatives. In other words, find ways to emphasize his positive qualities.

 

[Geordie]

Jacob's unique abilities, added with you and your family's support, will eventually bring him far in life. Keep on supporting Jacob and your family, for every one of us are special people in our big, special world.