ChoctawFighter
Member
My boyfriend and I, both Aspies, are very much in love. We have quite a history together. Our situation kind of fit the "Romeo and Juliet" type, as his family didn't like mine, and it broke us apart many times. I was also undiagnosed and misunderstood.
Anyways, our relationship is happy, mostly (when our families don't intervene). He claims he wants to marry me and has unofficially proposed. He still calls me his "fiancée".
Though, something has changed. I know I've been on the Depo shot for contraceptive and I've been under stress, which causes my PTSD to come up, as well as depression. My living situation got crazy, too. I'm in a mess of my own and he's been supportive of me.
I feel this abandonment paranoia arising from the past, though. I believe I had a 6 week lasting PMS episode, and menstruation was delayed (it's only the second month, my body will get used to it as others say). I got very moody and depressed and my black-or-white understanding of the world, combined with my ability to filter things out, kind of got to me as well. My PTSD, like I mentioned, kicked up. Maybe that's why things feel "off".
Although about a month and a half ago, he got a new job. He's pretty busy and has shown evidence of it.
Here are things I've noticed, though (keeping in mind he has Asperger's too).
Positive things:
~He still tells me he loves me
-He still wants intimacy with me
-He takes me out with him in public, holds my hand, etc (recently started more after I brought it up).
-He's patient with my moodiness and abandonment issues
-During intimacy, his concern is mainly me and my comfort. Even when I try and focus on him, he focuses back on me
-He loves to have me meet him at work and takes me to some of his work events (he does aerial photography with a drone he's obsessed with).
-He brags about me to his boss and coworkers (who are also his friends), though the relationship is kept private from our mutual group of friends (who gossip a ton and spread rumors).
-He wants to be involved in my mental health treatment
-He does small meaningful gestures that show me he cares (he was concerned about my college performance, he knows I've been looking for a job because I had to drop out, he's very supportive)
-He's pretty much open and non chalant about checking his phone and email around me. He doesn't have anything to hide, will let me use his phone if I need.
-We do more than just intimacy; we like to play and share funny YouTube videos.
-His boss, and adults, haven't warned me of him. They're around him most. They say good things too, and have mentioned how much he mentions me.
-He's wary of my well-being and safety, though not too overbearing (and if he gets that way, I let him know and he stops).
Though, I've noticed things too. And I have to again keep in mind my ability to misread situations and take internet advice or any advice too literally, and analyze in order to find all needed details to form a big picture that's accurate. Anyways, here are the other things I've noticed.
-Intimacy isn't as often as it was in the beginning, though it still happens every week so maybe I took that "red flag" too seriously in research
-He has mentioned his ex a few times, but only a few. He seems to be hung on how she took advantage of and hurt him by surprise. Still, it was listed as a red flag but I know I probably took it literally based on other research.
-He seems more quiet. I got worried that my moodiness pushed him away but he reassured me that it didn't many times (I'm cautious of what he says because he has suddenly backed out before).
-He has become increasingly affectionate after the initial lull due to starting his newer job (he's been consistent with telling me where it is he works, what he does; has even pointed out the place to me, but still it's listed as red flag - though it may also be due to the fact that my moodiness made him worried I'd leave).
-This weekend, and many other times for a few days after sex, his mood seems a bit more withdrawn and quiet, although he's not completely absent.
-He's taking longer to respond to my texts.
-Mutual friends have warned me about him after he broke my heart a few times, and they spread rumors to me. I've come to discover that I may not be able to trust them either based on their gossiping, plus they seem to like him. So I'm not sure.
-He's been known to fabricate things in the past (had an imaginary drone friend, told stories). Though the drone friend has "disappeared". He also said last time (a year ago) that my uncle assaulted him and that's way hard to believe. Though his consistent behaviors have shown he is mostly changed.
-He's a flirty type (according to our friends), though he isn't a cheater and seems mostly focused on me. All of his stories have checked out so far, and he seems to be much more consistent than before. Especially since he's open with his phone and email around me.
-He has some gal friends, (though he's pretty open about them with me...)
-His dating profile that he showed me before is still up. Emails go to his phone, but the profile seems idle. He's openly told me he still had it up but only for making friends, and is okay with me knowing it. He's consistent with that too.
Anyways yeah. I tend to take small things very literally so I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. Due to my overly-trustworthy nature that has gotten me hurt many times in the past in many situations though, I'm not sure. I have become paranoid and hypervigilant to make up for it. Any insight or advice though? I think I got everything...
Edit/Add in: The insight/advice I'm looking for is based on what's going on, if it's me, what I should do next, red flags, etc.
Sorry, I should've been more specific.
Anyways, our relationship is happy, mostly (when our families don't intervene). He claims he wants to marry me and has unofficially proposed. He still calls me his "fiancée".
Though, something has changed. I know I've been on the Depo shot for contraceptive and I've been under stress, which causes my PTSD to come up, as well as depression. My living situation got crazy, too. I'm in a mess of my own and he's been supportive of me.
I feel this abandonment paranoia arising from the past, though. I believe I had a 6 week lasting PMS episode, and menstruation was delayed (it's only the second month, my body will get used to it as others say). I got very moody and depressed and my black-or-white understanding of the world, combined with my ability to filter things out, kind of got to me as well. My PTSD, like I mentioned, kicked up. Maybe that's why things feel "off".
Although about a month and a half ago, he got a new job. He's pretty busy and has shown evidence of it.
Here are things I've noticed, though (keeping in mind he has Asperger's too).
Positive things:
~He still tells me he loves me
-He still wants intimacy with me
-He takes me out with him in public, holds my hand, etc (recently started more after I brought it up).
-He's patient with my moodiness and abandonment issues
-During intimacy, his concern is mainly me and my comfort. Even when I try and focus on him, he focuses back on me
-He loves to have me meet him at work and takes me to some of his work events (he does aerial photography with a drone he's obsessed with).
-He brags about me to his boss and coworkers (who are also his friends), though the relationship is kept private from our mutual group of friends (who gossip a ton and spread rumors).
-He wants to be involved in my mental health treatment
-He does small meaningful gestures that show me he cares (he was concerned about my college performance, he knows I've been looking for a job because I had to drop out, he's very supportive)
-He's pretty much open and non chalant about checking his phone and email around me. He doesn't have anything to hide, will let me use his phone if I need.
-We do more than just intimacy; we like to play and share funny YouTube videos.
-His boss, and adults, haven't warned me of him. They're around him most. They say good things too, and have mentioned how much he mentions me.
-He's wary of my well-being and safety, though not too overbearing (and if he gets that way, I let him know and he stops).
Though, I've noticed things too. And I have to again keep in mind my ability to misread situations and take internet advice or any advice too literally, and analyze in order to find all needed details to form a big picture that's accurate. Anyways, here are the other things I've noticed.
-Intimacy isn't as often as it was in the beginning, though it still happens every week so maybe I took that "red flag" too seriously in research
-He has mentioned his ex a few times, but only a few. He seems to be hung on how she took advantage of and hurt him by surprise. Still, it was listed as a red flag but I know I probably took it literally based on other research.
-He seems more quiet. I got worried that my moodiness pushed him away but he reassured me that it didn't many times (I'm cautious of what he says because he has suddenly backed out before).
-He has become increasingly affectionate after the initial lull due to starting his newer job (he's been consistent with telling me where it is he works, what he does; has even pointed out the place to me, but still it's listed as red flag - though it may also be due to the fact that my moodiness made him worried I'd leave).
-This weekend, and many other times for a few days after sex, his mood seems a bit more withdrawn and quiet, although he's not completely absent.
-He's taking longer to respond to my texts.
-Mutual friends have warned me about him after he broke my heart a few times, and they spread rumors to me. I've come to discover that I may not be able to trust them either based on their gossiping, plus they seem to like him. So I'm not sure.
-He's been known to fabricate things in the past (had an imaginary drone friend, told stories). Though the drone friend has "disappeared". He also said last time (a year ago) that my uncle assaulted him and that's way hard to believe. Though his consistent behaviors have shown he is mostly changed.
-He's a flirty type (according to our friends), though he isn't a cheater and seems mostly focused on me. All of his stories have checked out so far, and he seems to be much more consistent than before. Especially since he's open with his phone and email around me.
-He has some gal friends, (though he's pretty open about them with me...)
-His dating profile that he showed me before is still up. Emails go to his phone, but the profile seems idle. He's openly told me he still had it up but only for making friends, and is okay with me knowing it. He's consistent with that too.
Anyways yeah. I tend to take small things very literally so I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. Due to my overly-trustworthy nature that has gotten me hurt many times in the past in many situations though, I'm not sure. I have become paranoid and hypervigilant to make up for it. Any insight or advice though? I think I got everything...
Edit/Add in: The insight/advice I'm looking for is based on what's going on, if it's me, what I should do next, red flags, etc.
Sorry, I should've been more specific.
Last edited:
You'll be alright.
