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Needy autistic boyfriend breakup?

G

ghatol

New Member
Hello,

my boyfriend just got diagnosted with autism but he is very different from "typical ones".
He wants to touch me 24/7, talk, meet up etc.
I can't do anything! No family, no friends, no me-time! He even wants to meet up when I have exams to learn for.

Boundaries? I tried to! 1000 times!
That I need space, people are different, schedules.. Written down even!

I can't take this any longer!
I am crying and screaming!
I tell him to please give me space, he doesn't.
Then I tell him to give me space, he doesn't
I tell him to shut up and give me space!

He still doesn't stop!
I feel as if I am the only one he can rely on and I am. He has no friends, family is cold..

I can't!

What should I do? I am getting physically ill.
 
Step 1: break up with him.

Step 2: If he still doesn't stop, legal action.

Autism or not, any other mental health issue or not, it's hard to imagine why would you ever want to be with someone so unhinged.
 
Brother needs to be more respectful and less weird about it. Sorry but he might not be ready for a genuinely functional relationship. Maybe later. But now is not the time.

I'm pretty happy my girlfriend wants to be kissed frequently but she and I understand we have boundaries and don't want to make it weird.
 
ghatol said:
What should I do? I am getting physically ill.
Click to expand...
Do you feel like you would know what to do if he wasn’t autistic?

What does autism have to do with it?

If you don’t like the way someone behaves and treats you, then reconsider being in a relationship with them.
 
I cry to him that I am getting ill because I need sleep and me time and all he says is "but I love you". I have never ever encounteres people like him
 
Rodafina said:
Do you feel like you would know what to do if he wasn’t autistic?

What does autism have to do with it?

If you don’t like the way someone behaves and treats you, then reconsider being in a relationship with them.
Click to expand...
The issue is him doing "positive things" and killing me with that
 
If staying with this person is preferable to breaking up with him, you should prepare as well as you can to spend the the rest of your life with him.
 
ghatol said:
If I tell him, I don't want to talk he calls me 80 times. If I tell him, I need my space, he says "but I love you"
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This is a demonstration of someone crossing clear boundaries. Saying, “but I love you” seems to translate as him saying I’m going to do what I want, not what you want. This is not love. But also, it’s relation to autism is still not clear. If you read around here, you will see that there are many many men with diagnosed autism that do not have trouble honoring boundaries.
 
You have to teach other people how to treat you. If you continue to put up with this, he learns nothing.

You may have to break up with him if he's not willing to respect your boundaries. Autism or not, it's not an excuse. And his lack of social contacts isn't your problem to solve. He needs to learn how to be independent, self-sooth, and manage his emotions and impulses. If he can't you may need to walk away.
 
Obsession is not the same as love. IMO a person should never literally be one's "special interest".

Clearly you need to break off such a relationship and don't look back.
 
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I hope I'm not reading too much into this, but I'm wondering how he got to become your boyfriend if he's always so disrespecting of your boundaries, focusing on his own needs, and treating you more like an object than a person.

Sometimes people look for romantic relationships when what they're really wanting is connections and camaraderie, and the latter can be obtained through platonic friendships, interest groups/clubs, and just being around one's community.

With any relationship, if it's not working out for you, it's not working out for you. It's okay to end things. You don't owe him anything. You and your needs (including mental health) come first, always.
 
Can you explain that you aren't a small puppy, and you refuse to be suffocated with his emotional feelings towards you. Maybe suggest some alone time. Then put limits on the time you are together. So if he is bring respectful, then one hour. The minute he crosses the line, you say you need your alone time. You have to have boundaries. You lay down the rules, and tell him what you expect.
 
Aspychata said:
Can you explain that you aren't a small puppy, and you refuse to be suffocated with his emotional feelings towards you. Maybe suggest some alone time. Then put limits on the time you are together. So if he is bring respectful, then one hour. The minute he crosses the line, you say you need your alone time. You have to have boundaries. You lay down the rules, and tell him what you expect.
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Thank you! Tried that, didn't work...
 
@ghatol

Given the conditions you've imposed, you have only one sensible option.
You know what it is. But you didn't ask how to do it - you asked what to do.

On the other hand, if you could find a relationship-saving compromise by helping your partner change their behavior, you need to stop shutting down all the suggestions on that topic, and be honest with yourself and with us.

Clearly you've asked the wrong question.
Perhaps you've forgotten that this is a forum for ASDs. It's not wise to expect us to unwrap your words and figure out what you want/need.

So I have two questions for you, in the hope it will help you focus:
1. Why do you need external input to get you started?
2. What do you need to be told?

If all you need is practical advice on how to do what you believe needs to be done, you might get it here.
 
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Hypnalis said:
@ghatol

Given the conditions you've imposed, you have only one sensible option.
You know what it is. But you didn't ask how to do it - you asked what to do.

On the other hand, if you could find a relationship-saving compromise by helping your partner change their behavior, you need to stop shutting down all the suggestions on that topic, and be honest with yourself and with us.

Clearly you've asked the wrong question.
Perhaps you've forgotten that this is a forum for ASDs. It's not wise to expect us to unwrap your words and figure out what you want/need.

So I have two questions for you, in the hope it will help you focus:
1. Why do you need external input to get you started?
2. What do you need to be told?

If all you need is practical advice on how to do what you believe needs to be done, you might get it here.
Click to expand...
Hello,
well first, I wanted to know if this is a behaviour autistic people are related to.
People say, autistic people need you to sit dem down and tell them exactly what you want.
I told him many times crying, screaming that I do not want him to call me, for example. But he still does. It seems like I am an object and have to fullfil his day.
The sad thing is, he is perfect regarding everything else. But this "issue" is so bad, that it is killing me.

I don't know what to do anymore and HOW to make him stop.
Friends tell me, the only way is to say "no" and when he keeps insisting, I have to for example stop the car or go home or put the phone down in the very moment.
THE ISSUE here is of course me: I say no, he asks 2-3 times even though I said it won't happen and me feeling guilty for having my boundaries so I spend 24/7 with him till I ho back home and cry and feel DRAINED to the bone
 
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