Neighbors, Deer & Still hating people

[JDartistic]

Well, I've been off this forum for a little while b/c, as you know, I was having a bit of a meltdown over my Redneck neighbors (sorry, not trying to generalize but it really does describe my neighborhood which, BTW, was voted, "The most Redneck Town in Maryland" for several years running.)

Anyway, I got really good advice on this Forum (THANK YOU EVERYONE!) to stop feeding the doe that comes to visit my yard, b/c it did create a lot of hostility in my hood, whereas one neighbor in particular expressed violent tendencies. Thus, my numerous melt-downs b/c it escalated and honestly, I was not functioning well under all that pressure.

So, I stopped feeding the doe and was certain that this would ease my neighbors' concerns and that with time, we could basically gloss things over and eventually get to the point where we could at least wave to each other in passing, albeit never to be real friends. You know, like being polite to each other...civil-like, before the deer situation got out of hand.

Well, guess what? It hasn't changed a damn thing! My neighbor is still hostile towards me and is now becoming even more ridiculous by reving his car engine whenever I'm outside in my yard. (Why do men do that?) He's also still chasing down the deer in his golf cart and worse, he has been spreading lies about me throughout the neighborhood, so more and more neighbors are suddenly no longer talking to me. (what he's saying, I don't know, but whenever I'm around and he's w/neighbors, everything suddenly gets quiet as he points at me and rambles-on about God knows what...and then those folks stop saying HI to me forevermore...)

But this is interesting - I had one neighbor approach me recently who is a really nice woman, and she just said to me one day while I was walking my dog, keeping in mind that I really don't know her that well - "I'm really sorry that there are so many homophobic people in the neighborhood. I know that has to be hard on you but know they do not represent all of us."

Well, then! I guess the doe was just an excuse to start the hate, and to be honest, in this political climate, I'm not surprised. Still, her comment did make me strangely relax a little cuz I'm used to dealing with homophobia, and more so, I don't need to blame myself anymore for causing the problem! Now, I know what the basis of all the hostility is, and it ISN'T me.

Guess what? I've started feeding the doe again (b/c it makes me happy). She lost a lot of weight and it's now hunting season, so I discreetly give her apples and seeds - she needs her strength to run away from all the hunters out there. She's not "domesticated" BTW - we have many guys in the hood who fire-off firecrackers to spook them, so the deer in my 'hood are just as terrified of people as I am.

So, that's the UPDATE. I'm now staying to myself and cultivating some friends, both in and outside of the 'hood. I still hesitate to go in my yard on weekends, but that's working out cuz I just changed my schedule to be away on weekends so it's not really a problem anymore.

The mean neighbor hasn't yelled or threatened me since last time, but he does now rev his engine and sometimes drives his RV into my driveway, just to rev loudly and then move on. Weird, that - but at least he's not confronting me personally. I sense that it won't escalate any further, but it probably helps that I no longer try to make amends or even make it easier for him in that I'm now mostly not home when he's around, so total avoidance seems to work. Needless to say, he's clearly a buffoon anyway, so I just stay away from him at this point...

 

[OkRad]

Bless you for feeding that poor creature!! She probably loves you.

 

[Pariah Dog]

I am glad things have improved somewhat for you. I heavily empathize as I have dealt with low life neighbors who were hell on earth. I relate to not going out in my yard. I relate to some dirt bag turning small minded neighbors against me even. That last bit I very much learned not to care. I'm at a point in life that if I have zero respect for a certain individual then I couldn't care less of what they think of me. I'll just laugh of them, even in front of them if need be as they scurry away as not to get to close to me. Amazing how cowardly low lifes becomes when confronted. It's just one more way they show themselves to be people of no integrity.

It's nice that you are feeding the deer again. I hope she makes it through hunting season. Sadly I feel some of those rednecks may have painted an extra large target on her side.

 

[SusanLR]

Ah, bless the deer.
There are so many around the golf courses I live by and they just walk around people and the houses here at night.
Pulled into the driveway one night not long ago and a coyote was just standing there by it. Not afraid of the car it just meandered on out back to the woods.
Not far from me is a lake where the wild deer come out at night. Love to be there at dusk as they start just appearing like ghosts suddenly.
They accept me and I can walk with them in the woods until it gets too dark.

I handle neighbor attitudes the same way, just don't care what they think or say. I don't let it bother me and I don't let it keep me from going out in the yard.
If one who doesn't like me walks by it's mutual we just look down at a plant or something like we don't see each other. Wish I were more isolated with no neighbors in sight distance, but, for now, the lake is close and woods behind the house isn't bad at all.
A fence between us and the house next door would be nice, but, I don't own the house I live in and the guy that does won't do that even though they don't get along either.
I'm just the crazy frog lady!

 

[Suzanne]

And is it any wonder that one becomes social phobic ie a fear of humans?!

It obviously was a blessing in disguise, when that very kind lady spoke to you.

I have to say this, but this term "homophobic" is really out of context. Phobia means fear and I for one do not FEAR gay people. Disagreeing with the gay lifestyle is not hate, unless one is vocal as those stupid neighbours.

My brother in law was gay and died of aids. We had a very unique relationship actually.

 

[pjcnet]

I've just gone back and read your original post too and as a vegetarian for over 20 years who cares about animals, I would just like to say well done! You sound like a really good, compassionate and caring person. It's so sad however that there is sometimes still so much hatred in society towards people who are different from what they consider as the "norm" even when they're doing no harm to them, but if more people had a good caring heart like yourself, the world would be a better place.

It's totally wrong and I know that you shouldn't have to think about this, but have you perhaps considered moving to somewhere where people are more likely to accept you? I understand that you might see this as backing down to people who are totally in the wrong, but if you become a lot happier you are ultimately the true winner.

It's very positive that you are active on this forum amongst a lot of friendly and more like minded people who are mostly non judgemental and without prejudice, but I was wandering whether there are any support groups (possibly run by charities) in your area where you could potentially meet more like-minded people in person, and if so would you consider attending one?

 

[onlything]

Some people... Never understood nor will homophoby, even after 18 years with a severe case under my roof. Eh.

Keep tight out there, feed the doe to make both of you happy and let us know how you're doing sometimes, okay?

 

[JDartistic]

Ah, bless the deer.
There are so many around the golf courses I live by and they just walk around people and the houses here at night.
Pulled into the driveway one night not long ago and a coyote was just standing there by it. Not afraid of the car it just meandered on out back to the woods.
Not far from me is a lake where the wild deer come out at night. Love to be there at dusk as they start just appearing like ghosts suddenly.
They accept me and I can walk with them in the woods until it gets too dark.

I handle neighbor attitudes the same way, just don't care what they think or say. I don't let it bother me and I don't let it keep me from going out in the yard.
If one who doesn't like me walks by it's mutual we just look down at a plant or something like we don't see each other. Wish I were more isolated with no neighbors in sight distance, but, for now, the lake is close and woods behind the house isn't bad at all.
A fence between us and the house next door would be nice, but, I don't own the house I live in and the guy that does won't do that even though they don't get along either.
I'm just the crazy frog lady!

Me too but I'm known as the crazy deer lady! LOL

 

[JDartistic]

And is it any wonder that one becomes social phobic ie a fear of humans?!

It obviously was a blessing in disguise, when that very kind lady spoke to you.

I have to say this, but this term "homophobic" is really out of context. Phobia means fear and I for one do not FEAR gay people. Disagreeing with the gay lifestyle is not hate, unless one is vocal as those stupid neighbours.

My brother in law was gay and died of aids. We had a very unique relationship actually.

Unfortunately u r right. It's not fear of gays. It's that they don't c us as human beings. I can say that. I was a victim of a hate crime when I was 18 - stranger rape & abducted. Got away & survived but u r right - he didn't fear me. He just thought I was an insect, which justified his actions as being OK.

 

[JDartistic]

I've just gone back and read your original post too and as a vegetarian for over 20 years who cares about animals, I would just like to say well done! You sound like a really good, compassionate and caring person. It's so sad however that there is sometimes still so much hatred in society towards people who are different from what they consider as the "norm" even when they're doing no harm to them, but if more people had a good caring heart like yourself, the world would be a better place.

It's totally wrong and I know that you shouldn't have to think about this, but have you perhaps considered moving to somewhere where people are more likely to accept you? I understand that you might see this as backing down to people who are totally in the wrong, but if you become a lot happier you are ultimately the true winner.

It's very positive that you are active on this forum amongst a lot of friendly and more like minded people who are mostly non judgemental and without prejudice, but I was wandering whether there are any support groups (possibly run by charities) in your area where you could potentially meet more like-minded people in person, and if so would you consider attending one?

Thank u, my friend. I'm 55 years old & have run away all my life. Hatred exists everywhere. I'm at the point where I just need to exist - just messing around boats & surviving the best way I can.

Life's a struggle no matter where I live. I've learned to accept that & do my best in my own space-time continuum.

<Wow! I need to take my own advice. That was good. LOL>

 

[Judge]

Thank u, my friend. I'm 55 years old & have run away all my life. Hatred exists everywhere. I'm at the point where I just need to exist - just messing around boats & surviving the best way I can.

Life's a struggle no matter where I live. I've learned to accept that & do my best in my own space-time continuum.

<Wow! I need to take my own advice. That was good. LOL>

For me probably the one advantage in getting old is that I progressively care less for what others think of me. It just isn't a priority for me as it was in my youth. This is good! Liberating in fact. And acceptance of those risks to live more as I want to.

And yes- as much as is possible within your own space-time continuum.