Networking

[Kitsuna]

One of my biggest weaknesses is networking.

I am naturally very shy and I don’t always know what to say.

COVID has made things even more difficult in the past year, because there were almost no opportunities to go out to things so I can get better at interacting with people (and even if there were, I was scared of catching COVID).

How can I get better at networking?

 

[Thinx]

If you have autism, this can be tricky. Networking is a rarer skill amongst people with autism, but if you are more extrovert it could be that you will enjoy developing this. Sounds like you aren't though. As you are 32 now, you might need to accept that this aspect of yourself is not going to be very changeable, maybe?

My experience is that I can't really develop this skill, I can go along to meetings or events in work contexts, especially if they are structured and organised, but apart from joining in structured discussions, I don't have much input. Listen and learn is my main activity at such events.

My attempts to improve this over the years haven't made much difference, and I think this is because I process differently and more slowly in some ways, compared to neurotypical people.

However, therapy groups, and therapy definitely helped me develop confidence and better inner security and relational security, so I don't feel too anxious these days about social issues, although I do avoid much socialising, and don't really network, except by email.

 

[Progster]

I'm similar to @Thinx . I'm mostly ok one person at a time, but don't do well with groups, and it's a processing issue. I process interaction much slower and don't get to speak and make a contribution to the conversation. It's cognitive and so doesn't improve with experience. It might be easier to talk to people online than in real life, on social media for example, because that mainly involves written communication and that's a lot easier.

 

[unperson]

ugh, i don't have the necessary skill set, I have poor face recogniton which makes me a non starter socially and everything that follows.

 

[Judge]

I suspect a great many of us have difficulty with this particular issue.

 

[Au Naturel]

I am absolutely horrible at networking. Networking depends almost entirely on social skills. Bzzzt! I lose.

Even when I make it clear I'd be interested in something, I never get informed of an opportunity. Someone's buddy always gets the first crack while I usually never get any crack at it at all.

 

[selena]

My 2016 self would tell you to be yourself, and not to limit yourself to "networking" when you want something from another person. You have to build and maintain relationships, and you do that by interacting with the people who can take you places regularly (although you have to like the other person enough and vice versa, otherwise it's just a painful exercise). I would also liken this muscle-building practice to going to job interviews for positions you're not too invested in, so when the time comes for the job you really want you're already prepared and some of your answers well rehearsed.

Good luck. I'm a really different person from my 2016 self, but she managed to get me a job I really should feel grateful for, all things considered.

 

[paloftoon]

If you're willing to do a video chat with someone on the spectrum who could refer you, you could tell that person that you need guidance on things to consider for getting a job. Sometimes, if you don't know, you can ask. When you get an answer, be willing to follow it too as much as possible. . .

 

[chameleonov]

One of the reasons we get an autism diagnosis is because we have trouble interacting with other people. So having autism AND good skills in networking with many people is something very rare, despite what some might argue. Unless this is your "special interest", you should question if you really are on the autism spectrum while having huge network of "friends" with favors. You don't get a diagnosis for fun and to feel special.

 

[Au Naturel]

I have gotten several jobs thru "networking" and a couple of them turned out to be pretty good. But my "network" has only ever consisted of one person - a landlord, a housemate, a coworker who'd moved on to a better job - who just happened to be able to help me at the time. And a lot of times when I didn't have such a person, I either ended up unemployed or working low-wage high-risk work.

Most people think of a network as this huge social web that takes constant care and feeding. I've certainly never had one of those.

 

[risk]

Systematise social interactions