Never had a girl talk to me, is that normal?

[Dillon]

I am wondering if it's normal to go through your whole life without a single girl actually talking or having a decent converstation with you. I know iam only 21 but I never had a girlfriend nor had one that actually liked me. Most of the girls I've been around with were all flakes had no intrest whatsoever some girls have brief talks with me but that's about it. It annoys me when I see others on dates and I'll be alone having no one. I never went to any of my highschool proms because everyone had someone and also I thought they were a waste of time. Will I ever find the one especially one that may be just like me?

 

[Tyrantus1212]

I'm almost 30 and I've never had a girlfriend - or gone on a date, or a prom, for that matter. For a long time I was actually never interested in dating. There might have been some girls who flirted with me in high school but I never flirted back; I had no interest in that kind of stuff plus I was shy. Some girls actually giggled whenever they saw me and to this day I cannot tell if they did it because they found me attractive or just laughing at me for being odd. Despite all my oddities some might agree that I'm a "hunk", as people tend to say. As far as being alone goes, I have similar annoyed feelings, but regarding friendships and not dating. I managed to make a few friends over the past couple of years but I get so jealous when they hang out with other friends, totally losing my mind worrying that they might prefer them over me. But back to the dating topic - right now I wouldn't say I'm no longer interested in dating. I might be a little indifferent still, but I wouldn't be against going on my first date with someone; in fact, my father wants to introduce me to someone later in the year but I get the feeling that she's NT so I would need to do some preparation. As for finding your soulmate - don't give up hope! There are over 6 billion people on this planet. Even if you don't find someone who's just like you, I'm sure you'll find someone who simply appreciates you for who you are and never flakes. My advice is to keep looking, but don't try too hard!

 

[OlLiE]

- you will never meet anyone if you don't put yourself out there and accept that a certain degree of rejection is inevitable and not something to be scared of
- there is no 'entitlement' to meet someone, you don't get a quota of girlfriends, everyone is different, so how many partners other people have had and at what age is not a relevant benchmark to judge yourself by, there is no point in putting pressure on yourself
- people that are trying to 'force' a relationship: first it shows that you are primarily approaching them to fulfil your needs on your terms => this makes people feel uncomfortable + it makes you stick out like a sore thumb
- on the plus side people close to me have commented that i was oblivious when girls show interest in me, the downside was that i used to think girls didn't like me but actually i was not picking up on their more discrete signals, to get through to me they really needed to be obvious, and even then...so maybe you are also missing signals
- the initial 'click' of meeting someone that is attuned to you is instinctive and can not be pushed, what can be organised is establishing what your core values and interests are that you expect a partner to share, and then put yourself in situations where you are likely to meet those kinds of people, having values in common from the get go is pretty important and removes some of the randomness from dating
- step 1 build trust and establish common ground: show genuine inquisitiveness and interest in getting to know the potential candidate, if they are interested in you they will enquire about you, 'selling' yourself should not be necessary, you wouldn't want to be wth someone that makes you to jump through hoops for them

 

[OlLiE]

by the way, internet dating was great for me, because it allows you to set your own stage, people that don't like it ignore it, people that do and contact you at least have accepted your core identity as set out in your profile

you could write:
-high functioning autistic male, detest social interaction, detest change, detest noise, detest complexity have no patience for unintelligent pointless chitchat, ...
or
- soft-spoken loyal guy who enjoys tranquility and is looking for a stable and harmonious relationship, enjoys conversations about x-y-z, would like to share x-y-z activities with a special partner, prefers a close tight group of friends to being the life of every party
add what is important to you in an individual
add what are your turn offs

its great, rather than having to force yourself to attend exhausting social events to meet someone, you get home from work in the home you are comfortable in, open up your laptop and read messages from people that do see enough in your profile to bother contacting you

no one dumps all the info about themselves i one go, its a process of trust building, you start very broadly, and then through a succession of mails you find out about each other - creating trust with another by trusting the other person with information about you - you do this by divulging more personal info about yourself ad the process of the conversation makes it possible
its kind of like dogs, looking at each other, sniffing each others face, standing near to each other, sniffing each others rear and then doing the deed,
first recognition, then trust (the other person is not a threat), then relation, then procreation

it worked for me

 

[Southern Discomfort]

No. I've never had a girlfriend either and I'm 26. To be honest though, I don't mind. I'm not in any rush to have a girlfriend or to stick my naughty part in another person's naughty part. I don't see it as a race nor something to be very proud of.

I have also questioned my own sexuality though. I've wondered if I might be asexual because neither sex really interests me.

 

[Momo]

Sometimes it can just be a matter of finding a girl who actually wants to have a conversation. Wait, I just realised, I'm female and talking to you... it seems I've solved your problem

 

[AGXStarseed]

I'm 25, Asexual and never been on a date in my life, let alone had a girlfriend - nor am I in any rush to find one.

Like numerous people here, I never went to my school prom. I was bullied a lot in school, didn't have anyone to go with, didn't like the 'popular' music at the time, can't dance, don't drink alcohol (I'm alcohol intolerant), don't like wearing fancy clothes (give me jeans, a black t-shirt and a zip-up hoodie any day of the week) and - in my mum's words, which I honestly agree with - there was no good reason for me to get all dressed up and go to the prom because I'd most likely end up ringing my mum 10 minutes later and asking to come home.
So instead, I spent the prom night at home, got myself a takeaway and (ironically) watched the 1976 version of Carrie.

As I've said, I'm not interested in looking for a date and I do most of my socialising through a computer screen like many of you here. My mum has mentioned to me a few times about the possibility of me getting into a relationship at some point or at the very least going out more, but she hasn't forced the issue so I'm thankful to her for that.
If I do want to spend time out with others, then there's a group I can go to every now and then for Aspies and 'High-Functioners', although I only go when I have time and actually want to go - during which I'll catch up with the group and just do my own thing like everyone else who goes there; we usually all stick to small groups doing different activities such as playing video games, listening to music, playing snooker/table football or just surfing the internet, with social interaction between us been our choice rather then been forced on us.
The time I saw most of us socially interacting was near Christmas when we had a 'party' - consisting of music, booze and a lot of Dominos pizzas - yet even then people were still doing their own thing.

To Dillon, if you're interested this website may help you in finding a date: Spectrum Dating and Friendships at SpectrumSingles.com

 

[Dillon]

To be quite honest iam not in no rush to find anyone, It's just that when the time actually comes will I find acceptance in that woman who will accept me, but for now iam good with my life. Iam going places such a&m Galveston in a few weeks and completing my marine biology degree is important to me. I don't drink or smoke so that's a bonus for me. As I say whatever you do now affects you later in life.

 

[142857]

I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 36. I married my 2nd girlfriend and we have 2 children. I am 52 years old now.

Don't try to run before you can walk. If you've never even had a conversation with a girl work on that: having a conversation when you get the chance. Try to prompt her to talk about what she is interested in.

Be more socially active. You won't pick up social skills at home watching Big Bang Theory. Even just being around other people and watching them interact will help you.

 

[James Hardy]

Man i hear you. I turn 25 in about a month and iv never had a girl friend, had a few girls who wanted me as a beast friend but never wanted anything more.

 

[SomeRandomAspie]

I am wondering if it's normal to go through your whole life without a single girl actually talking or having a decent converstation with you. I know iam only 21 but I never had a girlfriend nor had one that actually liked me. Most of the girls I've been around with were all flakes had no intrest whatsoever some girls have brief talks with me but that's about it. It annoys me when I see others on dates and I'll be alone having no one. I never went to any of my highschool proms because everyone had someone and also I thought they were a waste of time. Will I ever find the one especially one that may be just like me?

I'm 15 and I've had a girlfriend, but I also have a GIRLFRIEND not just for friends but for actual love. I do however consider my Asperger's to be especially mild.