Hello, I'm new here. I was formally diagnosed with ASD last year and ADHD a few months ago. As a man in his 50s, married, and with a long-standing career in healthcare, I've become quite adept at masking, though it’s both exhausting and confusing. I struggle with many aspects of life, from managing large groups and intimate relationships to coping with loud noises. I often find it impossible not to overreact, sometimes leading to temper outbursts that are frightening for everyone, including myself.
Over the years, I’ve learned to pick up on visual cues, interact with various groups at work, and even build a family—I’m married with three children. Despite these accomplishments, I often feel like an outsider, burdened by feelings of inadequacy and embarrassment. I've always struggled with maintaining close friendships and spend most of my time alone. I’ve learned to be interesting and charming, and I pay close attention to my appearance—I’m tall, fit, and generally good-looking—which has helped me mask effectively. However, after a short time, my social inadequacies tend to show, and either people drift away, or I do.
I've tried numerous therapists and antidepressants, and I attend AA, having used alcohol to self-medicate without realising it at the time. I’ve been sober for 26 years, aside from a six-month relapse after 14 years.
Now that I have a diagnosis, I feel a bit lost. Initially, it was grounding and reassuring, but now I’m just a middle-aged, outwardly successful man who is incredibly lonely and still struggling to fully accept and identify with my diagnosis. I suppose there’s a bit of shame attached to it, though I’m slowly coming to terms with it.
Over the years, I’ve learned to pick up on visual cues, interact with various groups at work, and even build a family—I’m married with three children. Despite these accomplishments, I often feel like an outsider, burdened by feelings of inadequacy and embarrassment. I've always struggled with maintaining close friendships and spend most of my time alone. I’ve learned to be interesting and charming, and I pay close attention to my appearance—I’m tall, fit, and generally good-looking—which has helped me mask effectively. However, after a short time, my social inadequacies tend to show, and either people drift away, or I do.
I've tried numerous therapists and antidepressants, and I attend AA, having used alcohol to self-medicate without realising it at the time. I’ve been sober for 26 years, aside from a six-month relapse after 14 years.
Now that I have a diagnosis, I feel a bit lost. Initially, it was grounding and reassuring, but now I’m just a middle-aged, outwardly successful man who is incredibly lonely and still struggling to fully accept and identify with my diagnosis. I suppose there’s a bit of shame attached to it, though I’m slowly coming to terms with it.
