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[Isaac's_Mom]

My son was recently diagnosed with asperger's syndrome. I was told when he was 6 years old that he had ADHD and PDD. On Oct. 28, the doctor said that he was more aspergers then PDD. So here we are My only experience with any form off autism was from my step brother who is very low functioning. To my knowledge, I haven't ever met anyone with aspergers.

I was hoping by joining this form and speaking with other that have aspergers that I may be able to better understand what my son is going through. So my question to everyone here is......

How were you raised? Did you benefit from it as a child and now as an adult? If not, what could you parents have done differently to better your situation? I love my son more then words can say!!! I want the very best for him!

Also, since this new diagnoses of aspergers, the doctors want to add medications to what he is already on. I don't know how comfortable I am with this. The meds he takes now he is doing wonderfully on and I don't know why he also needs an anti-depressent. He is a happy child except for an occasional tantrum.

 

[Isaac's_Mom]

No one is willing to reply?

 

[Droopy]

Hello and welcome to the forums. I am guessing that this thread went unnoticed because it is in the wrong forum. With regards to some of your questions, I would say that in my experience my Aspergers has gotten better now that I am an adult. One thing my parents could have done was to encourage me more to go outside with my brother and meet new people. One thing that you don't want to do is to be pushy or too encouraging with your son.

With regards to the medication, what medication is your son currently taking?

Admin note: I have moved your thread to the correct forum.

 

[Isaac's_Mom]

Oh lol Sorry bout that. I didn't realize I had posted in the wrong area. My son is actually pretty social, but maybe thats because I am? He plays with other kids and interacts with them with no problems. He hasnt quite figured out what is appropriate and not (for example, at school he pretended to pick his nose at lunch. While he thought it was incredible funny, his classmates thought it was gross. So now no one wants to sit by him because he pretended to pick his nose. I am totally bothered by this but he seems to be "whatever" about it). This could be because of how his father acts with him. They fart and carry on with each other. He just hasn't realized that its ok to think these things are funny at home, other people might not. Also, his friends he does have, are ones I have made for him. Ya know, his cousins and my friends' kids. He will ask though if we can go visit and play with them though. I try for the most part to let him have his freedom to decide for himself on most things, I just try to guide him while I see that its not appropriate or show him an alternative.

Also, I have noticed that someone with AS is typically very intelligent. My son is actually struggling in school. He excels in science and social studies but is falling behind in math. And his weakest subject is reading, he is a full grade behind on that. Is this something you had problems with and out grew?

 

[BruceCM]

I can't work out how those 'rules' work. When I say something that upsets somebody else, it's my fault. Whether I meant it as a joke or was very upset, etc, myself. When in reverse, it's my fault, too. Sorry, no real advice, therefore! Try explaining it to me, for practice, if you like.

 

[jaws]

Oh lol Sorry bout that. I didn't realize I had posted in the wrong area. My son is actually pretty social, but maybe thats because I am? He plays with other kids and interacts with them with no problems. He hasnt quite figured out what is appropriate and not (for example, at school he pretended to pick his nose at lunch. While he thought it was incredible funny, his classmates thought it was gross. So now no one wants to sit by him because he pretended to pick his nose. I am totally bothered by this but he seems to be "whatever" about it). This could be because of how his father acts with him. They fart and carry on with each other. He just hasn't realized that its ok to think these things are funny at home, other people might not. Also, his friends he does have, are ones I have made for him. Ya know, his cousins and my friends' kids. He will ask though if we can go visit and play with them though. I try for the most part to let him have his freedom to decide for himself on most things, I just try to guide him while I see that its not appropriate or show him an alternative.

Also, I have noticed that someone with AS is typically very intelligent. My son is actually struggling in school. He excels in science and social studies but is falling behind in math. And his weakest subject is reading, he is a full grade behind on that. Is this something you had problems with and out grew?

Welcome Isaac's_Mom!

I know you can find the answers you seek here...this is a very diverse and very open group.

As far as socialization, I think you are doing well...I would only add that my parents could have asked me more questions...I too had some friends, but never really knew how I obtained them, and would frequently loose friends without knowing why...it can be frustrating and lonely. While I truly enjoyed playing by myself, I would sometimes want friends or to be friends with someone, but did not know how to go about making that happen...so while it would not have appeared that anything was wrong (as I appeared happy on my own) I was often confused and lonely. That is why I'd recommend asking questions...then you can't just tell someone with Asperger's what to do or how to do it...you'll need to model the behavior...I know I have picked up a lot of social skills by just watching how other people interact and then mimicking their behaviors.

On the school front...I started off strong (high IQ and moved to a gifted program), but soon fell behind (almost held back a grade), then graduated college with a 4.0 GPA. I've recently understood why, it had to do with "central coherence"..I too was a very slow reader (but could recite and analyze everything I read) because I have trouble focusing on what is "most" important...to me every word is equally important and required me pondering over every word I read. Math has also been challenging for me...as I think I am like Temple Grandin, in that I'm a visual thinker, which makes numbers irrelevant as concepts in and of themselves...I have to have real-world (concrete) examples of how the mathematical concept applies to problems I may be interested in.

For reading skills, I'd recommend a tutor (which I'd have resisted as a child, thinking it made me less smart to need one) that can help with understanding how to pull meaning out of a paragraph or chapter without getting caught up on every word. For math, I recommend tying it to an area of interest...I have found now that money works for me most of the time. Also, there needs to be motivation, I know I found most things in school to be trivial when younger as I could not understand how the subjects really applied to me, also, I was exerting more energy than other students while I was trying to figure out all the social rules and learning how to make friends and not get teased/bullied which apparently most people just know how to do intuitively.

I would also recommend not getting too worried over the Asperger's diagnosis...use it as a helpful tool to better understand your son...I was not aware of, nor diagnosed until my early 30's and have managed to do well. However, with proper help and understanding I think I'd be better off today, and I think I would have had less anxiety in my youth.

I hope some of this helps.

 

[Nathan]

Welcome!

I was raised in a very disciplined household and I turned out okay. In school I had to participate in a certain program that allowed me to carry my backpack wherever I went because the school itself prohibited it. I didn't like going to the locker in between classes because I thought it didn't give me enough time to go to class though I did use it at the beginning and end of each day (because I also didn't like lugging a heavy backpack when I'm not at school).

 

[Isaac's_Mom]

Welcome Isaac's_Mom!

I know you can find the answers you seek here...this is a very diverse and very open group.

As far as socialization, I think you are doing well...I would only add that my parents could have asked me more questions...I too had some friends, but never really knew how I obtained them, and would frequently loose friends without knowing why...it can be frustrating and lonely. While I truly enjoyed playing by myself, I would sometimes want friends or to be friends with someone, but did not know how to go about making that happen...so while it would not have appeared that anything was wrong (as I appeared happy on my own) I was often confused and lonely. That is why I'd recommend asking questions...then you can't just tell someone with Asperger's what to do or how to do it...you'll need to model the behavior...I know I have picked up a lot of social skills by just watching how other people interact and then mimicking their behaviors.

On the school front...I started off strong (high IQ and moved to a gifted program), but soon fell behind (almost held back a grade), then graduated college with a 4.0 GPA. I've recently understood why, it had to do with "central coherence"..I too was a very slow reader (but could recite and analyze everything I read) because I have trouble focusing on what is "most" important...to me every word is equally important and required me pondering over every word I read. Math has also been challenging for me...as I think I am like Temple Grandin, in that I'm a visual thinker, which makes numbers irrelevant as concepts in and of themselves...I have to have real-world (concrete) examples of how the mathematical concept applies to problems I may be interested in.

For reading skills, I'd recommend a tutor (which I'd have resisted as a child, thinking it made me less smart to need one) that can help with understanding how to pull meaning out of a paragraph or chapter without getting caught up on every word. For math, I recommend tying it to an area of interest...I have found now that money works for me most of the time. Also, there needs to be motivation, I know I found most things in school to be trivial when younger as I could not understand how the subjects really applied to me, also, I was exerting more energy than other students while I was trying to figure out all the social rules and learning how to make friends and not get teased/bullied which apparently most people just know how to do intuitively.

I would also recommend not getting too worried over the Asperger's diagnosis...use it as a helpful tool to better understand your son...I was not aware of, nor diagnosed until my early 30's and have managed to do well. However, with proper help and understanding I think I'd be better off today, and I think I would have had less anxiety in my youth.

I hope some of this helps.

He actually just started tutoring after school twice a week. Plus, he gets extra one on one support during school hours. He also is alittle behind in speech so that might have something to do with being behind in reading. He has a hard time with expressive speech and right now is only on a 5-6 year old level. He knows his age appropriate words, can spell them, and define them but can't use them properly in a sentence... or maybe just doesn't want to? lol He also has a hard time pronouncing them. I think thats whats wrong with his reading comprehension. He is working so hard to pronounce every word right, that he tends to forget what he read. So when ask to retell the story, he will start in the middle and can't recall anything about the beginning. He has come a long way on this though. In 1st grade, he couldn't even remember anything he read.

I do ask alot of questions, when he gets really quiet for a while, I ask whats on his mind. Normally, he is just thinking about his obsession though lol I ask his thoughts on things alot, like if we are tossed up about where to have dinner, he will be the one who picks (this has alot to do with though his sensory issues with food). He has all the basic sensory issues that are seen in aspergers. He doesn't like to be touched much, unless its me. He usually pulls away from people when they try to hug him or something. He can't stand socks with the seem on the toe so we buy ones with out it. For the longest time, he didn't like anything slimy or soft and cold. He has over come that though. Food is our big issue right now. He goes through what I call "seasons". He hates cheese right now, to the point of throwing up and only melted cheese. Regular sliced cheese is fine. Makes it difficult when ordering pizza for the family lol. A few years ago, he refused to eat anything brown because it looked like poop. lol He hates dirty hands. He loves digging in the dirt and doing typical boy things. But as soon as he is done, he needs to wash his hands. He has extremely sensitive ears which makes school hard sometimes. Some toliets hurt his ears, so he refuses to go at school. The fire alarm is a huge problem too. Balloons popping sends him into a frenzy.

The diagnoses really wasn't a shock to me honestly. He had already been diagnosed PDD/NOS. He is still Isaac, my first born and my only son. He is a mama's boy lmao He told me the other day that he will never move out! I said "What if you get married and want kids?" He said to me "I don't ever want to get married and crying babies hurt my ears. If I change my mind, I will just move them into my room." LMAO kids are silly. He also is terrified of driving one day and having to cook for himself. We take 1 day at a time and adjust things when we need too.

Also, this is alittle sentitive in nature, so if anyone doesn't want to answer that is fine. My son has a habit of touching himself "down there", I am always telling him its not appropriate to do it infront of people and that he needs to go to his room when he feels the need to do that. But he is still constantly doing it. Is that a common thing? And what can I do so he doesn't continue to do it infront of people?

 

[superboyian]

Hey Isaac's_Mom and welcome to Aspies Central, glad you decided to join the forums and I thought I give you a warm welcome here.

I think that at some point in your sons life, he could have the potentials to become a known genius or something like that, it might not happen but alot of smart and famous people are, especially those with Aspergers & Autism.

You should keep up the good work since you are obviously a caring mother, he will eventually realize how lucky he is to have a mom like you.

 

[. . .]

No one is willing to reply?

Take note that this forum is new and that it sometimes takes a little while for people to leave responses to threads.

 

[Isaac's_Mom]

Thank you soo much Ian and ???. Its really nice to have someone to speak about it all too. I also think my husband has aspergers and I think he secretly does too now that Isaac got diagnosed. They are soooooooo much alike. My husband has a harder time with eye contact then my son though.

 

[Balamvucub]

Good to meet you,Isaac's mom. You seem to be compassionate,and your son is fortunite to have you as his mother. If your son has a hobby that has promise of making him a success please help him develop this. Growing up my self,I was not given that oppertunity,and am only now taking steps in developing my knowledge base in my hobbies.Had I been given the oppertunity in my youth,I most ceartainly would be in a better fiscal situation.

 

[Isaac's_Mom]

Good to meet you,Isaac's mom. You seem to be compassionate,and your son is fortunite to have you as his mother. If your son has a hobby that has promise of making him a success please help him develop this. Growing up my self,I was not given that oppertunity,and am only now taking steps in developing my knowledge base in my hobbies.Had I been given the oppertunity in my youth,I most ceartainly would be in a better fiscal situation.

His main hobby is wrestling... all day every day. He swears up and down that he is going to be a wrestler when he grows up. lol I do not mind. I just want happiness for him. His second obsession is snakes, expecially the double headed snakes. We are always googling them and when he sees one he thinks is really cool, we print it out. He hangs them on his walls. I for sure do not smother him. His interests are his interests(as long as they are appropriate). He knows that the possiblities are endless. His future is what he makes of it and if he needs help, I am here.

You know what I was wondering about earlier... I was only 19 when I had Isaac. I felt like I had a hard time, at first when he was a newborn, bonding with him. I have been a stay at home mom from the beginning so it seemed kinda weird that here I was with this baby all day and I felt like I couldn't bond with him. I am curious now, because of the aspergers diagnoses if that has anything to do with it. Or maybe I was just an emotional young mother? Either way, its no big deal now. We figured our way.

 

[Balamvucub]

His main hobby is wrestling... all day every day. He swears up and down that he is going to be a wrestler when he grows up. lol I do not mind. I just want happiness for him. His second obsession is snakes, expecially the double headed snakes. We are always googling them and when he sees one he thinks is really cool, we print it out. He hangs them on his walls. I for sure do not smother him. His interests are his interests(as long as they are appropriate). He knows that the possiblities are endless. His future is what he makes of it and if he needs help, I am here.

You know what I was wondering about earlier... I was only 19 when I had Isaac. I felt like I had a hard time, at first when he was a newborn, bonding with him. I have been a stay at home mom from the beginning so it seemed kinda weird that here I was with this baby all day and I felt like I couldn't bond with him. I am curious now, because of the aspergers diagnoses if that has anything to do with it. Or maybe I was just an emotional young mother? Either way, its no big deal now. We figured our way.

You know, I havent a clue,I can only say from my perspective that when I had to take in a pet [cat] during my late teens,It took me about seven or eight days to 'get used to another living being hopping on my bed at night. As far as bonding is concerned,I believe that you must have to raise him as you did. From what I have read,you've done marvelously!

 

[colin]

I love my son more then words can say!!! I want the very best for him!

Also, since this new diagnoses of aspergers, the doctors want to add medications to what he is already on.

Hi Isaac's_Mom,

Hang in there with him, be there with him, always: just as loving him and wanting the best for him would suggest. Perhaps the suggestion that he take additional medications due to an Aspergers diagnosis, is another opportunity to do just that. You begin not comfortable with that, so don't let that go ahead unless and until you do become certain that its necessary; don't let others do what they will with your child, unless you are comfortable with what they propose. As much as it proves possible: make sure that others see your child as the wonderful individual person you do; make sure that others meet your child's needs as you would want to. Just travel with him through his journey of life, and when its time let him go on to independence.

colin