New job: New people: Old habits

[Lako]

I started a new job yesterday, door to door sales, i dont know what i was thinking, i need the money but it was a pretty tough day. We had training in the morning with a bunch of failed actors and others who life's paths' havn't quite led them to where they quite dreamed of (including myself). So were inside doing some training and immediately i felt the separation from everybody else. Little groups formed as they usually do and i dont seem to be in any of them, i havn't excluded myself ive made sure that i talk i even said something funny in my introduction but still i find myself on the outside looking in as always. I dont want this to be a depressing post but i just cant seem to understand how im just filtered out so naturally, people where being friendly and talking but for instance when it came to lunch we all left the room i left by myself because no one engaged me in conversation, as we got our food i look around and everyone is in there groups and i cant just invite myself to their table because what usually happens is i sit down and the table goes quiet and its not because im being wierd or anything i think its just because they dont want me at their table. I would really like to know if anyone else feels like this if you have read the essay i just wrote out there but i would be nice to see how you guys see this.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I wish I had some good advice, but all I can tell you is, I know what you're feeling.

By the way, do you get paid on commission (which might be difficult) or are you paid by an hourly rate?

 

[Arashi222]

I just take a seat whereever I feel comfy and usually there is one or two people that will come to sit. Or Just go sit at a table sometimes I think we over compensate for not fitting in and just automatically remove ourselves from the groups. Try going to sit with a group and just listening to the conversation. Then you can feel like you know what they are talking about and can join if you have something to say. Good luck!!!

 

[Loomis]

When my son, an aspie, was in pre-school and about five years old the teacher told us that he was not a part of any of the permanent peer groups but instead would move among the groups. This was long before I ever heard of aspergers or knew anything about ASD. At the time it seemed like an interesting fact and I thought it meant he was more independent and unique. As he grew up I watched his disappointment as his attempts to form childhood friendships failed. I am not very empathetic but watching him made me sad and his disappointment led me to re-live my own childhood failures.

It is our destiny as aspies to live outside the NT peer-group structure. We do not fit in. We are the minority so it looks as if the NT world is the "correct" way and our way is the "deviant" one but that perception is false. Our way is just as valid as the NT way and it is more honest. We do not deceive and posture for effect. We are real.

I have learned to accept my separateness as normal and do not ever expect to be easily assimilated into a group. So I watch groups and their dynamics with puzzlement and work at calming my anxiety and learning to accept myself as I am without apology. It is a year since my diagnosis and it is becoming comfortable.

As I read your post I found it astonishing an aspie would become a door-to-door salesman. I admire your pluck.

 

[Lako]

The door to door bit is ok, i make it into a bit of a game, my confidence fluctuates quite a bit during the day but i have found it has helped with my happiness away from the job (in my short time working there)

I have learned to accept my separateness as normal and do not ever expect to be easily assimilated into a group. So I watch groups and their dynamics with puzzlement and work at calming my anxiety and learning to accept myself as I am without apology. It is a year since my diagnosis and it is becoming comfortable.

I do this sometimes too it can be quite fun, working out the 'pack' order and looking at how they interact with eachother.

Thanks for the encouragement and support too everyone.