New to it all

[Jared Jacobson]

My name is Jared. I am 39. I was only diagnosed with my condition (I consider it a disease) two years ago. The details of myself, my history, and my personality are too painful to discuss now. I was told of this website by my therapist but I am joining against my instincts and my better judgement. I have never done forums like this before. So I will simply share this much; my condition is not something I will ever embrace or be greatful for. I can think of no talents or abilities it has afforded me, but it has only cost me years of happiness and given me scars that will never fade. Since it cannot be cured, I can only look for ways to live beyond it. Unfortunately at this point in my life, I can only say I have no purpose or ambition left.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Welcome @Jared Jacobson. There are a lot of people here who understand what you're going through. I hope you find this forum as welcoming and helpful as I have.

 

[tree]

 

[unperson]

Hullo Jared

 

[MyLifeAsAnAspie]

Welcome Jared . You can can still learn lot's of useful stuff here without embracing ND. Plenty here have the emotional scars of ASD. Isn't a good to know your not alone in that regard.

 

[Barymore]

Hi Jared & welcome.

I am new myself (but diagnosed a while), the forum and the people in it have been great and the discussions interesting. I hope it will be a help to you.

What you say resonates with me. After an initial sense of relieve - finally knowing what was 'wrong' with me, I struggled for a long time (and still do occasionally) accepting that this is what it is and will stay.

Anger, Rage, Sadness, Resignation are frequent companions. But so are joy and Happiness and a sense of pourpose.

I wish you that too!

 

[Jumpback]

My name is Jared. I am 39. I was only diagnosed with my condition (I consider it a disease) two years ago. The details of myself, my history, and my personality are too painful to discuss now. I was told of this website by my therapist but I am joining against my instincts and my better judgement. I have never done forums like this before. So I will simply share this much; my condition is not something I will ever embrace or be greatful for. I can think of no talents or abilities it has afforded me, but it has only cost me years of happiness and given me scars that will never fade. Since it cannot be cured, I can only look for ways to live beyond it. Unfortunately at this point in my life, I can only say I have no purpose or ambition left.

Hi Jared, welcome!

 

[Ezra]

My name is Jared. I am 39. I was only diagnosed with my condition (I consider it a disease) two years ago. The details of myself, my history, and my personality are too painful to discuss now. I was told of this website by my therapist but I am joining against my instincts and my better judgement. I have never done forums like this before. So I will simply share this much; my condition is not something I will ever embrace or be greatful for. I can think of no talents or abilities it has afforded me, but it has only cost me years of happiness and given me scars that will never fade. Since it cannot be cured, I can only look for ways to live beyond it. Unfortunately at this point in my life, I can only say I have no purpose or ambition left.

I share your opinion of autism. I don't like it, I don't want it, and for me there is no benefit in having it. Although word of warning so to speak, you will come across those who see having autism as an attribute. Something I can not relate to. All I can do about it is trying to work around it as best as I can. Also thinking of worse things to have helps me cope at times. I know someone who is a C-5 quadriplegic and as bad as my autism is, I feel like he has worse deal than me.

 

[Aspychata]

Hey - that's a big step to come here. Think l see it has a love hate relationship. There is some of it l embrace, and then there is the other, l still don't know what to think. But l think as you get older, you become more accepting and less critical of yourself. May you find some relief and wisdom here.

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome. I am sorry you have been through some much, and for how bad you feel. We are all a mix up of stuff, autism doesn’t cause everything difficult we experience, and some aspects of what you experience can be due to other causes, such as difficult childhood experiences, insecure attachment style, etc, which can be worked on whether autism is present or not.

This is all very hard to disentangle, but autism is only part of the picture for us. Therapy and self development can help with a lot that most people face, neurotypical or neurodiverse. Lots of friendly people here, I hope that at least will be helpful to you.

 

[Giraffes]

My name is Jared. I am 39. I was only diagnosed with my condition (I consider it a disease) two years ago. The details of myself, my history, and my personality are too painful to discuss now. I was told of this website by my therapist but I am joining against my instincts and my better judgement. I have never done forums like this before. So I will simply share this much; my condition is not something I will ever embrace or be greatful for. I can think of no talents or abilities it has afforded me, but it has only cost me years of happiness and given me scars that will never fade. Since it cannot be cured, I can only look for ways to live beyond it. Unfortunately at this point in my life, I can only say I have no purpose or ambition left.

Hi Jared and welcome your post resonated so very much, i was diagnosed 15 years ago and also shared your feelings and wish i could get rid of it, dunno if it helps to know but i no longer feel that way, things that helped me;
C.B.T yoga, and running, meditation, mindfulness and exploring Neuro linguistics, and this site, not to say i am super happy with my Autism now but most days i see it as part of who i am and can see my qualities and connections with people, sooo get how you feel and hope this forum gives you support and understanding, i have found many helpful threads and postings that have enabled me to explore strategies to work towards increased self confidence and well being.

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Autism Forums!

 

[Jared Jacobson]

So it seems to me, while autism and aspergers are more known by the public, many assume were are like Rain Man, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, or Forrest Gump, that we are geniuses, are good with numbers and engineering, and have photgraphic memories. What if we dont? how many here prefer history or novels, how many hate math, how many are not natural leader or planners? It's like a boulder to carry.

 

[Jumpback]

So it seems to me, while autism and aspergers are more known by the public, many assume were are like Rain Man, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, or Forrest Gump, that we are geniuses, are good with numbers and engineering, and have photgraphic memories. What if we dont? how many here prefer history or novels, how many hate math, how many are not natural leader or planners? It's like a boulder to carry.

My ex-gfs grandfather was a bit of a prodigy in math/science/engineering who got a PhD and then went back to Harvard for business classes. He might have fit, he had strange habits like keeping loads of old newspapers and magazines and getting very upset when anyone threw certain things away (they would sneak things to the trash when he wasn’t looking). But he was so good at this range of things that he was well off and respected and admired and had a stay home wife who possibly looked after day to day things

But even though I like math/science I just am not good at them, possibly because they require intense focus on things and staying still and so on. I saw similarities between myself and this guy, but the thing is that he was very still and focused or something, where I am wandering all over the place with my head drifting around and so on

But still I saw similarities with this guy and myself and I liked talking to him.

So I guess, like you, I gravitate towards history and so on

But the thing is that I have for some reason managed to be around some people who are just smart. Like I met one ex-gf at a bar who I later found out had serious depression issues but had graduated from with a law degree and MBA at the age of 23 or 24.

So I have kind of been around some very smart people and when I go on about something I can kind of see when I am in my element I am smart too. It’s just kind of like things that I am good at don’t translate as well as like math and science and programming types or something.

So I am kind of not convinced that there isn’t a positive side to having these sorts of issues, I just think that maybe only one flavor of this translates well into the real world better than others.

 

[Nervous Rex]

So it seems to me, while autism and aspergers are more known by the public, many assume were are like Rain Man, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, or Forrest Gump, that we are geniuses, are good with numbers and engineering, and have photgraphic memories. What if we dont? how many here prefer history or novels, how many hate math, how many are not natural leader or planners? It's like a boulder to carry.

I excel at math. I’m not a human calculator like Rain Man, but I have a natural affinity for math and for any system of rules. I can feel math answers before I can formally express them.

But what you are saying about stereotypes is 100% true (sorry, my math brain says you can’t have more than 100%). Before I found out I was autistic, I thought that I couldn’t be because I can communicate well with lots of different people and I don’t have any natural art abilities like all the autistic people I saw in the headlines. This website has helped me recognize a lot of the stereotypes that I had bought into.

 

[Aspychata]

I am not great at math but l have a strange relationship with numbers. Think we have unusual nuances which seem to puzzle other people. Concentration on the mundane of anything seems to be a special talent attributed to our kind.

 

[Jumpback]

I am not great at math but l have a strange relationship with numbers. Think we have unusual nuances which seem to puzzle other people. Concentration on the mundane of anything seems to be a special talent attributed to our kind.

If one looks at the history of humanity, any time things progress beyond hunter gatherer, things turn to lots of farming. Farming is not a social thing, it involves lots of being by yourself and solving problems which could be sort of mathematical or could be very generalized.

But things have sort of changed ever since the industrial revolution and movement towards cities and so on, where social things and networking and telling people what they want hear have become far more important than they were for a very long time for most of society

There is a theory to explain homosexuality called the older brothers hypothesis or something, where maybe homosexuality emerged due it being biologically advantageous for a child to have both a mother and a gay brother, or lesbian sister, who would look out for the child instead of just a mother

I kind of think that certain traits were selected for in the past, but now don't work as well in modern society.

 

[Alexej]

Hi @Jared Jacobson
Welcome to the Forums

Please have a read around of some of the other threads where people share their experience of being diagnosed, and how they felt about it and deal with it. There is a lot of good material there.

 

[Len Huppe]

My name is Jared. I am 39. I was only diagnosed with my condition (I consider it a disease) two years ago. The details of myself, my history, and my personality are too painful to discuss now. I was told of this website by my therapist but I am joining against my instincts and my better judgement. I have never done forums like this before. So I will simply share this much; my condition is not something I will ever embrace or be greatful for. I can think of no talents or abilities it has afforded me, but it has only cost me years of happiness and given me scars that will never fade. Since it cannot be cured, I can only look for ways to live beyond it. Unfortunately at this point in my life, I can only say I have no purpose or ambition left.

Hi Jared and welcome. I sincerely hope that you can find some peace of mind. There is life after diagnosis. Here you are among friends who understand, share your pain and genuinely care. In this community you are accepted as you are and totally free to express yourself any way you wish. Feel free to engage us with whatever is on your mind. That is the purpose of us being here together.