Dario Visconti
Active Member
Hello there!
I am new to this site, yet I'm exploring it piece by piece and I think it's very nice. Well done for the great work.
I want to be straight and honest: there is no official diagnosis for me having Asperger's Syndrome. And that's because I was born in 1992 in Greece. Official diagnosies of the Asperger's started to take place in my country in the late '90s (1998 actually).
That, however, isn't the whole story. During my childhood, precisely at the age of 3, I was sent to a private day nursery school (1 year before kindergarten) and as far as I know (and can remember a lot, actually), sometimes I had this special education female teacher who was trying to consort me with the other kids who where troubled by my behaviour often (offensive behaviour when something didn't go as I wanted, a preference for loneliness, extreme sensitivity in both physical and psychic pain).
Please don't get me wrong. It took me days to take the decision to join this site 'cause I don't want to trouble you people with my thoughts. I honestly don't know what is going on with me, really. I've never knew exactly. I don't know if Asperger's Syndrome is a scapegoat for my specularities and whims. I don't know if I'm just depressed or even crazy. But I've always felt that something's different in me that just couldn't sync with others. I don't mean that I felt superior or inferior. Not at all. Just different. Like I was built from something different when the materials that where used to build others disappeared. Always lonely (but not with this awkward feeling of sadness and loneliness, preferably lonely I mean), one or two very close friends during schooltime only and distant from others, somewhat eccentric, crancy, quaint, obsessed with stuff others didn't care about. I had speech delay (that my brethern didn't have), delay in learning the basics of "self-service" when a kid
rolleyes2, yet at the age of 5 I was doing multiplication and division (I think that's the correct word, well, I mean in maths, of course), stuff that a kid learns at most cases only 3-4 years later. At the age of 4 I knew all (and I mean that) countries in the world, their capitals, their flags and used to draw them on the walls in my free time both ravishing others that wanted to give me hugs and kisses that I didn't like and miffing my mother that had to do the cleaning bounce!!! Always an A-student but so bored in school, always distracted, I thought homework really boring. I prefered life with my telescope (8 years of old and the night sky, astronomy).
I learned about Asperger's a year ago and all these months it troubled my mind. Up to that day, I hadn't even heard the word. I only knew a few things about autism that somehow seemed familiar but then, searching it deeper and deeper (as always) I found differences, so I was kind of confused. And then, all this time of searching gave me answers at last! A video on YT of a young man describing himself during his years and, God, I felt shocked! I couldn't just not have it! It was me that he was describing!
I searched it in official medical sites, in the University Library, asked experts, became obsessed with it (I didn't sleep 2 days and the night in between just looking like a zombie above books and internet sitesS)) and I found a few tests that the majority of autism-related sites (both Greek and English-speaking) considered accurate enough. Scores? 40/50 Aspie score, 172/200 Aspie score etc.
I know that this is no professional diagnosis but you have to undestand that the situation sucks here. Some "experts" don't even know what it is, they know a name and ask "Do you have friends? Do you make eye-contact? Do you have hobbies?" and other silly and illogical questions, surely related to the AS but not with a "Yes or No" sitution!
I spent a month not seeing anyone except my family and I didn't felt lonely at all just because I was focusing on what I like: my hobbies! And I figured out that the 2 major depressions I had in my life happened because I pretended to be like everyone else, even though most of the time I hated it, drove me mad and confused. And I did it just because I don't like hearing anything about my distractions, my weird interests that just don't fit with others interests in drinking, smoking weed and talking about chicks all the time, my minimum understandment of body language and how people express (Girl says to me: You're wierd but I like you. My response: OK. (Silence) What's your question? - she found that funny but I was being serious), my shyness, my inability to express myself due to the many thoughts I have in my head sometimes, my forgetfullness, my obsession with order and patterns, my "lack of humour" (except the times I'm drunkD)), my rudeness and my anger, my extreme enthusiasm with people I just kick out of my life me a few months after and so many other things...!!
I'm tired of pretending, people! I just want a break from this "film" I'm having the lead role and I call "my life". And I feel so free and secure with that. My best friend (and only one I trust) only knows. I don't know if I'm gonna tell it to anyone else, how, when and why. I don't fit with them out there! I just notice how they act and learn from it, like seeing how to excercise your body from a DVD! Really! I don't know if it's AS, HFA, CA or nothing! I don't know if I'm just antisocial (I don't want to exploit people, just understand them but keep my space) or mentally ill. I hope I fit in here, at least. Thank you.
P.S.: Sorry for the long text and my (possibly) mistakes in syntax and/or grammar (English isn't my native language, only one of the 4 I speak and I get confused at times). I usually speak a lot and a bit chaotic and with "difficult words" since a kid. But it said "Introduce yourself". And I did.
I am new to this site, yet I'm exploring it piece by piece and I think it's very nice. Well done for the great work.
I want to be straight and honest: there is no official diagnosis for me having Asperger's Syndrome. And that's because I was born in 1992 in Greece. Official diagnosies of the Asperger's started to take place in my country in the late '90s (1998 actually).
That, however, isn't the whole story. During my childhood, precisely at the age of 3, I was sent to a private day nursery school (1 year before kindergarten) and as far as I know (and can remember a lot, actually), sometimes I had this special education female teacher who was trying to consort me with the other kids who where troubled by my behaviour often (offensive behaviour when something didn't go as I wanted, a preference for loneliness, extreme sensitivity in both physical and psychic pain).
Please don't get me wrong. It took me days to take the decision to join this site 'cause I don't want to trouble you people with my thoughts. I honestly don't know what is going on with me, really. I've never knew exactly. I don't know if Asperger's Syndrome is a scapegoat for my specularities and whims. I don't know if I'm just depressed or even crazy. But I've always felt that something's different in me that just couldn't sync with others. I don't mean that I felt superior or inferior. Not at all. Just different. Like I was built from something different when the materials that where used to build others disappeared. Always lonely (but not with this awkward feeling of sadness and loneliness, preferably lonely I mean), one or two very close friends during schooltime only and distant from others, somewhat eccentric, crancy, quaint, obsessed with stuff others didn't care about. I had speech delay (that my brethern didn't have), delay in learning the basics of "self-service" when a kid
rolleyes2, yet at the age of 5 I was doing multiplication and division (I think that's the correct word, well, I mean in maths, of course), stuff that a kid learns at most cases only 3-4 years later. At the age of 4 I knew all (and I mean that) countries in the world, their capitals, their flags and used to draw them on the walls in my free time both ravishing others that wanted to give me hugs and kisses that I didn't like and miffing my mother that had to do the cleaning bounce!!! Always an A-student but so bored in school, always distracted, I thought homework really boring. I prefered life with my telescope (8 years of old and the night sky, astronomy).I learned about Asperger's a year ago and all these months it troubled my mind. Up to that day, I hadn't even heard the word. I only knew a few things about autism that somehow seemed familiar but then, searching it deeper and deeper (as always) I found differences, so I was kind of confused. And then, all this time of searching gave me answers at last! A video on YT of a young man describing himself during his years and, God, I felt shocked! I couldn't just not have it! It was me that he was describing!
I searched it in official medical sites, in the University Library, asked experts, became obsessed with it (I didn't sleep 2 days and the night in between just looking like a zombie above books and internet sites
S)) and I found a few tests that the majority of autism-related sites (both Greek and English-speaking) considered accurate enough. Scores? 40/50 Aspie score, 172/200 Aspie score etc.I know that this is no professional diagnosis but you have to undestand that the situation sucks here. Some "experts" don't even know what it is, they know a name and ask "Do you have friends? Do you make eye-contact? Do you have hobbies?" and other silly and illogical questions, surely related to the AS but not with a "Yes or No" sitution!
I spent a month not seeing anyone except my family and I didn't felt lonely at all just because I was focusing on what I like: my hobbies! And I figured out that the 2 major depressions I had in my life happened because I pretended to be like everyone else, even though most of the time I hated it, drove me mad and confused. And I did it just because I don't like hearing anything about my distractions, my weird interests that just don't fit with others interests in drinking, smoking weed and talking about chicks all the time, my minimum understandment of body language and how people express (Girl says to me: You're wierd but I like you. My response: OK. (Silence) What's your question? - she found that funny but I was being serious), my shyness, my inability to express myself due to the many thoughts I have in my head sometimes, my forgetfullness, my obsession with order and patterns, my "lack of humour" (except the times I'm drunk
D)), my rudeness and my anger, my extreme enthusiasm with people I just kick out of my life me a few months after and so many other things...!!I'm tired of pretending, people! I just want a break from this "film" I'm having the lead role and I call "my life". And I feel so free and secure with that. My best friend (and only one I trust) only knows. I don't know if I'm gonna tell it to anyone else, how, when and why. I don't fit with them out there! I just notice how they act and learn from it, like seeing how to excercise your body from a DVD! Really! I don't know if it's AS, HFA, CA or nothing! I don't know if I'm just antisocial (I don't want to exploit people, just understand them but keep my space) or mentally ill. I hope I fit in here, at least. Thank you.
P.S.: Sorry for the long text and my (possibly) mistakes in syntax and/or grammar (English isn't my native language, only one of the 4 I speak and I get confused at times). I usually speak a lot and a bit chaotic and with "difficult words" since a kid. But it said "Introduce yourself". And I did.
