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[M@t!lda]

Hi, I'm a 43 year old female, and i was officially diagnosed 2 weeks' ago. I've never written publicly ever.. I don't even post that much on Facebook/twitter etc. The only reason I'm posting this is because bizarrely I feel I've earned the right to.. plus I need to. I've struggled in all aspects of my life.. except for being a mum. I don't know why to this day, but i'm really good at being a mum and I suspect it's because my kids are the only people i'm truly.. 100% comfortable with. I like kids in general because usually there is no insincerity - they're pretty upfront and i like that. I drink a lot.. too much... I think it's because when I put the key in the door after work it's such a relief to be inside. I've no idea what this forum is about.. any helpful comments of any description would be appreciated. I'm pretty nervous if i'm honest.

 

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[Sarah S]

Hello and warm wellcome to the forum Matilda

Using alcohol (or any other stimuli) too ease the obvius anxiety you feel is NOT going to help so do please seek some help about this Matilda. If not for you then for youre family.

 

[Nitro]

Hi M@t!lda

 

[Pats]

Hello and welcome. I know what you mean about your kids being the only ones you can be 100% comfortable around. But that changes when they become adults for some reason. I love them like nobody else and all that, but when I go visit them I go into that being out of my comfort zone mode. It bothers me that I do that.

 

[M@t!lda]

Hello and welcome. I know what you mean about your kids being the only ones you can be 100% comfortable around. But that changes when they become adults for some reason. I love them like nobody else and all that, but when I go visit them I go into that being out of my comfort zone mode. It bothers me that I do that.

Thank you for your welcoming message x Can I ask how old your children are please? mine are 13 and 11. I must admit it worries me when I consider what you say about things changing when they become adults. I feel currently that I wing every day. As long as I am comfortable then they are.. but maybe that's because I am 'supposedly' the adult and when they grow up I will have no concept of who they are because their adulthood will be different to mine! does that make sense?

 

[M@t!lda]

Hello and warm wellcome to the forum Matilda

Using alcohol (or any other stimuli) too ease the obvius anxiety you feel is NOT going to help so do please seek some help about this Matilda. If not for you then for youre family.

Thank you for your kind message. I mean it kindly.. but I am excruciatingly aware of how alcohol is negatively affecting my life. I battle with it daily. I just wondered if others used it as a tool to cope. I only drink after my children are in bed, yet the struggle is not only habitual but obsessive also? if that makes sense.. it's like an repetitive niggle that won't go away. My GP says I need a hobby!

 

[Tom]

Hi & welcome,
We mainly are just a bunch of people on the spectrum and talk about whatever is on our mind and the autistic experience in general (within forum rules). Its easier here because you don't have the misunderstandings so much, that occur on neurotypical sites. We also have some neurotypical members who just feel comfortable in this group.

Besides that we get many neurotypical visitors with autistic spouses, family members, friends etc, seeking information or insight.

 

[Pats]

Thank you for your welcoming message x Can I ask how old your children are please? mine are 13 and 11. I must admit it worries me when I consider what you say about things changing when they become adults. I feel currently that I wing every day. As long as I am comfortable then they are.. but maybe that's because I am 'supposedly' the adult and when they grow up I will have no concept of who they are because their adulthood will be different to mine! does that make sense?

definitely. My kids are 30, 33, 35 and 46. And it's not them - it's definitely me and being out of my comfort zone. We all have good relationships and they all know they are still the most important people in my life. But things like - I used to think when they were younger about one day going over nd helping them clean their house and things like that, but those things don't happen. I'm not comfortable enough to go in and clean their house - I've helped when they've had their babies and stuff, but it's limited because it's like going into anyone's house and cleaning - you don't know how. Well, at least I don't know how. Their houses are set up completely different than mine. Where I use a lot of rags for cleaning, I won't be able to find any rags and things like that. And like going to visit someone else, they don't have the types of food you have, don't know how to use their remotes and the list goes on and on. When I visit someone I feel restricted in movement that it's hard for me to even get up and go to the bathroom. And I'm sad that just because it's my own kids does not change this and I'm like this in their homes, too. But they know and understand all these things about me, and I do always make sure they know that I WILL be there and do whatever they need me to do when they need me to do something.
And I always winged every day, too. My daughter asked me once when I was going to be like a normal mom and work during the day. I told her I was not a normal mom. (At the time I didn't know that was a true statement because I didn't know about the autism until I was 59.) And other parents weren't fond of my parenting skills - but I wasn't fond of theirs either. No, I wasn't going to let my 13 year old child come to your overnight boy/girl party, but no, I wasn't going to force them to eat their vegetables and stuff they didn't like. Completely opposite from all their friends parents. (literally yelled at by a dad who brought my daughter home because she wouldn't eat the vegetable).

 

[Isadoorian]

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

 

[Pats]

You know - I also have always done better with the grandkids when the parents are not around. When the parents are there I don't give myself the freedom, I guess. But when I've got the grandkids we have fun and they love it.

 

[Sarah S]

Thank you for your kind message. I mean it kindly.. but I am excruciatingly aware of how alcohol is negatively affecting my life. I battle with it daily.

I just wondered if others used it as a tool to cope. I only drink after my children are in bed, yet the struggle is not only habitual but obsessive also? if that makes sense.. it's like an repetitive niggle that won't go away. My GP says I need a hobby!

Although i havent my self had any drugs or alcohol problems i have been DEEPLY (when younger and dumber ) invoulved in the under class (ie HEAVY Drunks ,Dopers ,SEVERLY broken soules ( SEVERE HEAVY diagnosis) etc.... ) So belive me i understand Matilda. And in no way shape or form do i judge you. Thats why i said you need to try to get help with that as well.

Reg the hobby i agree it defenetly help if you have something you like to do that can ocupy youre thoughts and let you forget all the daily struggles. Oh and yes it makes perfect since

Its sadly a well known fact that with this kind of diagnosis the risk of geting stuck and seek help by self medicate is thru the roof with both alcohol as well as drugs.

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Autism Forums!

 

[M@t!lda]

Thank you so much for your replies. I really appreciate it. I've spent so long alone in the way I feel, and having a diagnosis is scarier than I anticipated. Everything I've ever done and felt is now questionable. In a good way I feel like starting again.. but at the same time I have to carry on the way I was!

 

[Sarah S]

Thank you so much for your replies. I really appreciate it. I've spent so long alone in the way I feel, and having a diagnosis is scarier than I anticipated. Everything I've ever done and felt is now questionable. In a good way I feel like starting again.. but at the same time I have to carry on the way I was!

Youre no longer alone Matilda .

And reg this diagnose as i have said many times in here you are exatly the same person you were before & nothing has changed. All that has happend is you now have dokument explaining why you have had /still have certain problems in life and this will help the docs helping you and those around you understand why you may be as you are Matilda thats it nothing more have happend.

 

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome, @M@t!lda.

Since ~ is called a tilde, you could have used Ma~a, too.

 

[Alexej]

Welcome to the Forums. Do hang around a bit and read some of the current and older threads. There is a lot of experience to be found here.

Do jump in an post a bit too, most questions have been asked already, but there are always new people so no comment or question is dumb.

 

[Major Tom]

Welcome to the forums!

 

[Aspychata]

We are so capable of trying to deal with our problems by finding a substance or bad behavior. Can you think about a career change at some point, something less stressful?

 

[Bolletje]

Welcome!