Squire of Saskatoon
Well-Known Member
Hey all,
I don't know how usual it is for some who's not sure of where he stands on the autistic spectrum (if anywhere) to post here, but I feel like the possibility of my having a spectrum disorder is great enough for me to join.
If I had known about Asperger's Syndrome when I was a kid, I probably would have thought of the symptoms as good descriptions of me and my behaviour. I didn't like playing with other kids a lot, as I felt I couldn't really keep up. I had a tough time interacting on a very personal level and rarely made eye contact. I was stubborn, opinionated, and generally lost in my own world. For this reason, I sometimes had difficulty in school, even though I was quite intelligent. I tended to obsess over things and go on at length about them, often oversharing. I had poor fine motor skills. Just about all the indicators were there. Why, then, do I still have my doubts?
First, I've never been diagnosed. While my parents did have me see specialists of all different types when I was a kid, none of them ever mentioned spectrum disorders, nor did my parents ever take me to anyone who specialized in that area.
Second, I'm not convinced there aren't other explanations. For the last two years, I saw a therapist who reduced all of my issues and subsequent depression to the divorce of my parents when I was three. Even when I told him of my mother's concerns that my issues predated the divorce and that I had actual developmental problems, he dismissed the idea of my being on the autistic spectrum out of hand, citing among other things my love of performing and my behaviour around him.
This leads to my third reservation, perhaps the most significant in my resistance toward the Asperger's label: Asperger's and other spectrum disorders are commonly painted as lifelong, and I can't bring myself to say that my present state is anything like how I used to be. Despite being independent-minded (or, as some people would call it, eccentric), and having some residual social anxiety and egocentrism, I socialize infinitely better than I used to, making points of proper eye contact and taking into account others' interests and emotions in all my interactions.
Taking medication and seeing my therapist for depression have helped immensely, but a lot of my improvements have come about due to my own efforts. There came a point in high school when I was so depressed that I knew that I HAD to rid myself of these issues, at all costs. Since then, it's been an uphill battle, but looking at myself at 25, I don't think anyone I come into contact with now thinks anything along the lines of autism.
So why, then, am I here? As I suggested, I still have a way to in my quest for personal growth, and I want to know how I ought to proceed at this point. I'm craving an answer to the simple question "Do I have Asperger's?" so I can know whether or not to take that into account in the future. I know that there are probably few if any mental health professionals on this forum, but this seems like a good place for me to start. If my story does or doesn't resonate with anyone here, it's all extraordinarily useful for me to know. My mother always pushed various disorder labels on me, feeling that it would be a "relief" for me. I profoundly disagree with her on that, but now that the question has been raised in my mind, it would be a relief to know one way or the other.
I don't know how usual it is for some who's not sure of where he stands on the autistic spectrum (if anywhere) to post here, but I feel like the possibility of my having a spectrum disorder is great enough for me to join.
If I had known about Asperger's Syndrome when I was a kid, I probably would have thought of the symptoms as good descriptions of me and my behaviour. I didn't like playing with other kids a lot, as I felt I couldn't really keep up. I had a tough time interacting on a very personal level and rarely made eye contact. I was stubborn, opinionated, and generally lost in my own world. For this reason, I sometimes had difficulty in school, even though I was quite intelligent. I tended to obsess over things and go on at length about them, often oversharing. I had poor fine motor skills. Just about all the indicators were there. Why, then, do I still have my doubts?
First, I've never been diagnosed. While my parents did have me see specialists of all different types when I was a kid, none of them ever mentioned spectrum disorders, nor did my parents ever take me to anyone who specialized in that area.
Second, I'm not convinced there aren't other explanations. For the last two years, I saw a therapist who reduced all of my issues and subsequent depression to the divorce of my parents when I was three. Even when I told him of my mother's concerns that my issues predated the divorce and that I had actual developmental problems, he dismissed the idea of my being on the autistic spectrum out of hand, citing among other things my love of performing and my behaviour around him.
This leads to my third reservation, perhaps the most significant in my resistance toward the Asperger's label: Asperger's and other spectrum disorders are commonly painted as lifelong, and I can't bring myself to say that my present state is anything like how I used to be. Despite being independent-minded (or, as some people would call it, eccentric), and having some residual social anxiety and egocentrism, I socialize infinitely better than I used to, making points of proper eye contact and taking into account others' interests and emotions in all my interactions.
Taking medication and seeing my therapist for depression have helped immensely, but a lot of my improvements have come about due to my own efforts. There came a point in high school when I was so depressed that I knew that I HAD to rid myself of these issues, at all costs. Since then, it's been an uphill battle, but looking at myself at 25, I don't think anyone I come into contact with now thinks anything along the lines of autism.
So why, then, am I here? As I suggested, I still have a way to in my quest for personal growth, and I want to know how I ought to proceed at this point. I'm craving an answer to the simple question "Do I have Asperger's?" so I can know whether or not to take that into account in the future. I know that there are probably few if any mental health professionals on this forum, but this seems like a good place for me to start. If my story does or doesn't resonate with anyone here, it's all extraordinarily useful for me to know. My mother always pushed various disorder labels on me, feeling that it would be a "relief" for me. I profoundly disagree with her on that, but now that the question has been raised in my mind, it would be a relief to know one way or the other.
