UniqueCreatures
New Member
greetings. hi all. 48, female, scared. glad though am done searching whole life-- years drs offices same words, "normal n speak fine", got tons misdiagnosis past 45 years. just exhausted. i apparently dont know much about personal relationships/communication of emotions n society expextations of which wont miss that mimicking n pretending. I feel so much so quick, i cant help it.
At this point in life, no one else will get diagnosed or wants it talked about in my family. I imagine its easier than the stigma and dealing with my newest search.
Finally I CAN breathe, it was a lot to constantly not understand others. So, i guess no big deal. prefer be alone mostly. Did get funded for assistance with home tasks, that does help.
i got agoraphobic after massive work accident, had no idea why i got afraid. dr said just got slowly flooded with all thoughts at once waking up and no executive function so panic became habitual. Unlike work, didnt keep my brain focused. i am a workaholic n love my work.
that was april 2015. I literally tried eleven specialist drs n two years later not one cared to help or even find any support.(top adhd dr saw all the other signs besides severe inability pay attention to anything unrelated to information or research, severe sensory issues with clothes, schedules, routine-but he only go paid for adhd and that was that.
Im willing to do whatever work to give myself a calmer daily life. I dont mean to complain. I guess not knowing and being sober, i got by in speaking well enough, but so beaten down as "blacksheep" of family n bullies.
So, just two years not having my own work, and stuck healing, i got very isolated and low low self worth from not using my brain i guess. too many thoughts n got stuck waking up more severe everyday, literally in staying in my room.
started finally, this week to take my life back. the people rather not rock the boat and understand support and how to educate themselves, it hurt at first.
but, for me, it hurts way less every day now as opposed to a lifetime of non approval of right education as opposed to what ones i chose, proper husband n kids(did neither),
can speak in front thousands but, not one on one or just to hang out.
So--
i started designing my own squeeze/pressure sort of pod/hammock that rocks or can spin-- to calm down, which really instantly helps me. getting back into my field of work.
have first big outting in 15 years since first surgery. Dinner n concert social event w famous country singer did work for while ago. HUGE STEP.
sorry about length. am working on summarizing....
At this point in life, no one else will get diagnosed or wants it talked about in my family. I imagine its easier than the stigma and dealing with my newest search.
Finally I CAN breathe, it was a lot to constantly not understand others. So, i guess no big deal. prefer be alone mostly. Did get funded for assistance with home tasks, that does help.
i got agoraphobic after massive work accident, had no idea why i got afraid. dr said just got slowly flooded with all thoughts at once waking up and no executive function so panic became habitual. Unlike work, didnt keep my brain focused. i am a workaholic n love my work.
that was april 2015. I literally tried eleven specialist drs n two years later not one cared to help or even find any support.(top adhd dr saw all the other signs besides severe inability pay attention to anything unrelated to information or research, severe sensory issues with clothes, schedules, routine-but he only go paid for adhd and that was that.
Im willing to do whatever work to give myself a calmer daily life. I dont mean to complain. I guess not knowing and being sober, i got by in speaking well enough, but so beaten down as "blacksheep" of family n bullies.
So, just two years not having my own work, and stuck healing, i got very isolated and low low self worth from not using my brain i guess. too many thoughts n got stuck waking up more severe everyday, literally in staying in my room.
started finally, this week to take my life back. the people rather not rock the boat and understand support and how to educate themselves, it hurt at first.
but, for me, it hurts way less every day now as opposed to a lifetime of non approval of right education as opposed to what ones i chose, proper husband n kids(did neither),
can speak in front thousands but, not one on one or just to hang out.
So--
i started designing my own squeeze/pressure sort of pod/hammock that rocks or can spin-- to calm down, which really instantly helps me. getting back into my field of work.
have first big outting in 15 years since first surgery. Dinner n concert social event w famous country singer did work for while ago. HUGE STEP.
sorry about length. am working on summarizing....
