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Newly diagnosed and it explains so much!

kale

kale

Member
My healthcare provider recently screened me for ADHD and ASD recently and turns out I have both. I’m relieved to have a new framework to understand myself yet sometimes it feels overwhelming. I’m an employed married woman with a teenager. I’m particularly interested in learning how others cope with coworkers, a life-long challenge for me. I also want to find a practitioner who provides formal diagnoses for adults. I’m very happy to be able to join this forum and learn from you all.
 
welcome to af.png
 
Greetings, @kale

I'm glad your with us and there are plenty of members here that can help with anything you may have questions about. It always feels good to know you aren't the only one, the odd duck, etc. Whether you can find a professional who can diagnose you or not, you are you.
 
Hello and welcome to the forum! It's good to hear you're relieved and learning more about yourself! I hope you are able to find good advice and resources while you're here!
 
Yes, I also found how to co-exist with co-workers challenging. I think my main strategy was to try and adapt myself to relate to them in their own way rather then try to use my own natural manner. In other words wear a mask they would recognize. The trick was me not crossing any personally important boundries while not offending them. With some, over time, if I developed a sense of trust, I could show a bit more of myself.
 
Welcome!

Perhaps if you're comfortable telling us more about yourself we may be better able to provide suggestions.

e.g.
What type of work environment do you work in (field work, factory, office, remote, classroom, etc.), and what types of interactions do you have with your colleagues (do you rely on them for your work, do they rely on you, do you work on your own or do you work in pairs or teams, etc.)?
 
Thanks everyone for your kind words and helpful suggestions!

I do field work, most of it in heavily wooded areas and swamps. I work almost exclusively with individuals 20 to 30 years younger than me in teams of 2 or 3, which change weekly. I consider it my pre-retirement job. I left my previous career due to burnout and I love being surrounded by nature. The work is basic and predictable. Many of my coworkers complain of boredom but I love how peaceful it is except when I’m paired with people who seem to dislike me. I have no idea why they dislike me. Did I offend them somehow? Was I too blunt or inconsiderate? It sometimes seems that the longer I work there the fewer positive interactions I have with my coworkers. I try so hard everyday to be positive, pleasant, take an interest in them and be easy to work with. It’s exhausting. A big part of the reason I want a formal diagnosis is to have ADA job protection.
 
Hello and welcome. Glad you found us! Let us know if you have any questions as you settle in and get familiar with the forum.
 
Welcome.

I love the woods. Most of my jobs did not involve being outside. I’m glad you found something that suits you.

Can you settle into yourself and your expertise so what others say doesn’t matter?
 
Welcome!
I always loved doing work outside.
Never had a paying job that involved that though.
At home I chose doing the outdoor work over being in the house anytime.

I am thinking the same as @WhitewaterWoman
Can you find yourself not caring so much about what other people say?
I'm 66 now and it got me through life and different jobs.
 
SusanLR said:
Welcome!
I always loved doing work outside.
Never had a paying job that involved that though.
At home I chose doing the outdoor work over being in the house anytime.

I am thinking the same as @WhitewaterWoman
Can you find yourself not caring so much about what other people say?
I'm 66 now and it got me through life and different jobs.
Click to expand...
 
kale said:
My healthcare provider recently screened me for ADHD and ASD recently and turns out I have both. I’m relieved to have a new framework to understand myself yet sometimes it feels overwhelming. I’m an employed married woman with a teenager. I’m particularly interested in learning how others cope with coworkers, a life-long challenge for me. I also want to find a practitioner who provides formal diagnoses for adults. I’m very happy to be able to join this forum and learn from you all.
Click to expand...
Whoa there, it takes a lot to officially get diagnosed, good on you for that.

Welcome, Im not much help when it comes to that, but feel free to read my entries.
 
@WhitewaterWoman and@SusanLR. I’m definitely trying. Something that helps sometimes is deep breathing and focusing on where I am and what I’m doing rather than the others. I’ve had moderate success with that. Thank you!
 
Tom said:
Yes, I also found how to co-exist with co-workers challenging. I think my main strategy was to try and adapt myself to relate to them in their own way rather then try to use my own natural manner. In other words wear a mask they would recognize. The trick was me not crossing any personally important boundries while not offending them. With some, over time, if I developed a sense of trust, I could show a bit more of myself.
Click to expand...
@Tom, I completely relate to that strategy. I find the boundary/offense challenging as well.
 
kale said:
Thanks everyone for your kind words and helpful suggestions!

I do field work, most of it in heavily wooded areas and swamps. I work almost exclusively with individuals 20 to 30 years younger than me in teams of 2 or 3, which change weekly. I consider it my pre-retirement job. I left my previous career due to burnout and I love being surrounded by nature. The work is basic and predictable. Many of my coworkers complain of boredom but I love how peaceful it is except when I’m paired with people who seem to dislike me. I have no idea why they dislike me. Did I offend them somehow? Was I too blunt or inconsiderate? It sometimes seems that the longer I work there the fewer positive interactions I have with my coworkers. I try so hard everyday to be positive, pleasant, take an interest in them and be easy to work with. It’s exhausting. A big part of the reason I want a formal diagnosis is to have ADA job protection.
Click to expand...

While that's not a type of work I've done - I recognize a parallel between what you describe and the job I'm doing now in that I'm really passionate about it in general but there are some colleagues who see it simply as a paycheck, and whom get quite frustrated that sometimes I'll be chatting about work during my breaks. (e.g. "Here comes Victor to talk about work again.")

Sometimes there is also resentment in general when someone is perceived to be too good / trying too hard at a job, relatively speaking.

I don't really have an answer for that other than that I have eventually found colleagues who were on more similar wavelengths - maybe they didn't like the job as much as I did, but we were able to share in the ups and downs. I recognize that working with rotating colleagues means you may have a harder time building and maintaining rapport with any individual colleague.

Best wishes.
 
VictorR said:
While that's not a type of work I've done - I recognize a parallel between what you describe and the job I'm doing now in that I'm really passionate about it in general but there are some colleagues who see it simply as a paycheck, and whom get quite frustrated that sometimes I'll be chatting about work during my breaks. (e.g. "Here comes Victor to talk about work again.")

Sometimes there is also resentment in general when someone is perceived to be too good / trying too hard at a job, relatively speaking.

I don't really have an answer for that other than that I have eventually found colleagues who were on more similar wavelengths - maybe they didn't like the job as much as I did, but we were able to share in the ups and downs. I recognize that working with rotating colleagues means you may have a harder time building and maintaining rapport with any individual colleague.

Best wishes.
Click to expand...
 
Hi VictorR,

Thank you so much for your supportive words. They’ve given me a lot to think about and I’m concluding that I’m trying too hard, which is something I have control over and that feels good though it will require a different type of masking . The good thing is not trying so hard should be easier and less stressful.

Thanks again!

kale
 
kale said:
My healthcare provider recently screened me for ADHD and ASD recently and turns out I have both. I’m relieved to have a new framework to understand myself yet sometimes it feels overwhelming. I’m an employed married woman with a teenager. I’m particularly interested in learning how others cope with coworkers, a life-long challenge for me. I also want to find a practitioner who provides formal diagnoses for adults. I’m very happy to be able to join this forum and learn from you all.
Click to expand...
Hi Kale,
I am newly self-diagnosed and am navigating some of the same issues. Gainfully employed with children. I deal with coworkers and clients by masking, which is exhausting and becoming more unsustainable as the years pass. Realizing that through very inefficient hard work I can "do" neurotypical, but I can't "be" neurotypical.
 
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