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Newly diagnosed ... what next ...?

Night Owl

Active Member
Hi everyone,
After many assessments, I was diagnosed with HFA on Monday. I expected it really, as my grandson also has HFA and we are so similar, but I feel a bit lost ! Did having a diagnosis make anyone change their world...or did others change towards you ?
I have always said I have never found my tribe....maybe now I will !... I hope so !
Looking forward to getting to know others like me !
 
Hi Night Owl.

I had to double take when I saw this thread - I have just finished a video called "Newly Diagnosed...What Next?" which I'll be uploading in a couple of days :D
I hope you find some kindred spirits here.
 
When I discovered I was an Aspie it was a huge relief because finally I understood why I never fit in anywhere and that it isn’t my fault.
My whole life people have given me advice that never worked, such as get out more, make friends, look up at people and smile, follow the conversation, etc.
My mother’s advice, and she meant well, was to hide the fact I’m smarter than the boys and pretend you are intetested in what they talk about. Well, that advice worked in that I could find boyfriends but the relationships were superficial.
Being diagnosed allows you to understand your world and find your place in it.
 
I think the most important part of any diagnosis is that knowing what it is helps find what may be helpful to you. It's hard for humans to deal with a thing that has no name, and having a label allows you to easily access a myriad of treatments and strategies that have been studied and refined over the course of decades. It's like having a shortcut!

The other thing that I think is useful about a diagnosis is that it may remove some of the possible guilt or shame of particular problems. Rather than having a list of things about yourself that you find troubling or difficult, you discover that it's really all this one thing, and it's not your fault and it doesn't have to stay that way forever.

But to answer your question a little more directly, every diagnosis I've ever gotten has made me more compassionate to myself when it came to the symptoms of that disorder and made it easier to zone in the parts that I wanted to improve, remove, or change. They also generally made me feel more comfortable doing what I felt I needed to do to be comfortable and happy, even if I planned on changing something eventually. For example, it's okay that for now everything has to go in the right place or I have to do certain things at a certain time or I don't want to hang out with people more than once a month. Self forgiveness! And it made me feel less pressured to be like other people because it's proven objectively that I'm not. And it replaces the word "weird" that people have always used to describe me.

I've gotten to the point where I feel like I'm rambling so I'm just gonna stop, and I'm not even sure if I really answered your question. :rolleyes:
 
When I discovered I was an Aspie it was a huge relief because finally I understood why I never fit in anywhere and that it isn’t my fault.
My whole life people have given me advice that never worked, such as get out more, make friends, look up at people and smile, follow the conversation, etc.
My mother’s advice, and she meant well, was to hide the fact I’m smarter than the boys and pretend you are intetested in what they talk about. Well, that advice worked in that I could find boyfriends but the relationships were superficial.
Being diagnosed allows you to understand your world and find your place in it.

You posted this while I was typing and said some of the things I tried saying but couldn't think of how to word, especially the last sentence! Thanks, mind-reader! :D
 
Welcome Night Owl!

I was also recently diagnosed, and to be honest, at the time, it felt like my whole world just flipped. Suddenly, I was questioning every single thing I'd done and I lost who I was. But a few months on I realised that nothing really changed. I found some freedom in knowing I have ASD and being able to tell people that. They don't think I'm 'weird' right off the bat without really understanding why, but just accept that I might be a little odd and expect it which makes it ok for them. Strange one that.
 
Thanks everyone....
I suppose it is really too soon for all of this to sink in. I would love to be able to be kinder to myself, as i have beaten myself about how awkward and anxious I feel in the world. My doctor says I have been amazing at flying under the radar and how I have been in the world without being noticed in the world..lol... I suppose I just don't know how to start being the real me ! ...
Thanks again everyone ... I feel like I may need a lot of help and guidance from others who have walked this path,
 
I am not diagnosed, but if and I hope, when, I am diagnosed, I will just feel a huge sense of relief and be able to let certain ones know, who have to know and not feel such a fraud.

It seems I am an aspie anyway, since I only have contact with ones who are official and there are no issues between us. But just scared of the: sorry, you are not!
 
Hi Night Owl.

I had to double take when I saw this thread - I have just finished a video called "Newly Diagnosed...What Next?" which I'll be uploading in a couple of days :D
I hope you find some kindred spirits here.
Wow.. bet that shocked you ! I look forward to seeing the video.
I am really hoping for some kindred spirits... I have waited 47 years !!
 
I am not diagnosed, but if and I hope, when, I am diagnosed, I will just feel a huge sense of relief and be able to let certain ones know, who have to know and not feel such a fraud.

It seems I am an aspie anyway, since I only have contact with ones who are official and there are no issues between us. But just scared of the: sorry, you are not!
 
I'd be real careful about who you tell. Only those you trust implicitly at first.

I would be most careful about anyone in a social/public/work setting. There are a lot of negative stereotypes associated with autism. Once you label yourself, it can't be undone basically.

As far as what next... I liked the sound of this:

 
I'd be real careful about who you tell. Only those you trust implicitly at first.

I would be most careful about anyone in a social/public/work setting. There are a lot of negative stereotypes associated with autism. Once you label yourself, it can't be undone basically.

As far as what next... I liked the sound of this:

Lol...I have had three kids...that job would be a breeze !
 
At first, it was a big relief to find out WHY all the bad stuff in my past had happened. After the big AHHA! moment, then the grief set in. My entire life had been taken away - cancelled out - wasted on doing the right thing which turned out to be the wrong thing. If only I had known sooner! Technically, everything is the same as before the label was applied and yet everything is just the opposite of what everybody thought is was. It's like waking up in a strange new world where you are the alien life form and your entire life was just a nightmare fantasy. I worked so hard all those years, always being honest and decent and kind, etc. always doing the right thing. Then to find out everybody hated and abandoned me because I strived to be a great person instead of a normal mediocre generic acceptable person. If I had known why I was being excluded when I was little, I might have been able to learn to mimic socially acceptable behaviour or recognize and avoid no win situations. Instead I succeeded in following all the rules but always failed because I'd been given the wrong set of rules. This late in life, one doesn't get a redo.

The upside to being permanently shut out of my career and family is that I don't have to deal with the people who never wanted or cared about me in the first place. Instead of struggling to be accepted by people who weren't willing to get to know me or let me contribute what I am good at or be who i am, I can spend what's left of my time doing things I enjoy with a better class of people. My best friend of 38 years is no longer speaking to me but now I am finding new friends who can understand me and my thoughts and experiences.
 
Welcome to the forum @Night Owl !
It was an unexpected find that I now knew the reasons why my life had been as it was.
I was amazed when I started reading about the traits of something I had never even heard of
three years ago and it read like the story of my life.
Had I known when I was a kid, things might have been easier to deal with, don't know.
But, at age 58 it really didn't and won't change things now.

I would not tell anyone except those who need to know, like family or a close friend either.
I don't have either and I'm retired so I don't need to worry about people finding out at work.
Only my doctors know and the person I live with.
 
Hi everyone,
After many assessments, I was diagnosed with HFA on Monday. I expected it really, as my grandson also has HFA and we are so similar, but I feel a bit lost ! Did having a diagnosis make anyone change their world...or did others change towards you ?
I have always said I have never found my tribe....maybe now I will !... I hope so !
Looking forward to getting to know others like me !
No but I hope the doctors call me or infer less that I'm a hypochondriac
 
As bad as it sound, don't mention it at work or socially. 15yrs ago I told some colleagues about my generalised anxiety and that was a huge mistake. Live and learn.
Even doctors, nurses and yes mental health professionals can be a bit like that. Once you start talking with them it's as if they are jotting down notes on their freudian clipboards.
Sometimes with friends, if they know you have depressive episodes. They may see you sad and start talking to you in a sympathetic patronising kind of way. Or read into everything like it's a scream for help. I some times get this from family when I seem irritable: "Have you been taking your medication".
 
Thanks everyone for your input. ...I have only told close family...who suspected it anyway....and I see a a psychologist for OCD and told her today. She seemed ok about it but time will tell..lol.
Hope ever one is having a good day !
Thanks again. Everyone has made me feel very welcome !. I would normally never comment on a forum, but I am glad I did!
 
Hi Night Owl. Many of us have had a late diagnosis. Since my diagnosis I have read and read about everything I can find on the subject. It's like finally learning who I am and what makes me 'not' tick. Welcome.
 

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