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Not able to explain emotions.

AshleyDS

AshleyDS

Buzzkill
So I'm going to try my best to explain this, but I have a hard time translating my thoughts into words sometimes (I read a lot of you think in pictures rather than words, but I don't think in either - it's like if a paragraph were summarized into a feeling or urge - needless to say I find words fall short and don't convey the depth of what I intend them to.

So I used to think I was an introspective person with a great capacity for relaying my thoughts and feelings to others. Over time I have found that it just isn't so. I have a hard time connecting my emotions to concepts of what illicit them unless it is something that has been explained to me.

Example: Before I knew about ASD I knew I hated showers. To the point I once went a year without a bath or shower (I would wash my hair every 2 weeks and use wet wipes on my "smelly parts" - I know, gross. Welcome to my life). When I tried to explain why I couldn't shower or bathe, all I could say is that it was exhausting, or overwhelming, but I didn't even know myself that hating getting wet, hating the noise, hating the cold of the air on my wet skin, that the hate of those (and countless other) things had a direct causal relationship to the overwhelming feelings I was getting. It wasn't until I did some reading on sensory processing issues that it all clicked for me. That the individual things that bother me is what is CAUSING the stress and making me overwhelmed and scared - like DUH!!!!.

Basically I can say I am happy, sad, scared, shameful, overwhelmed, but unless someone has said to me (or I have read) the EXACT reason I am feeling something, I find it nearly impossible to link the actions or facts to the reason behind the emotion.

This all runs in stark contrast to how I present myself. I pass as NT most of the time, excel at my job (I am who lawyers go to when they don't know how to deal with corporate law matters), and appear incredibly articulate and introspective.

Does this make sense? Does anyone else get this? Or am I really messed up? If anyone has read about this, is there a word for it?
 
Alexithymia, it is either genic and pervasive or environmental and can be addressed by therapy.

It affects 10% of the population both NT and ND.
 
yep been like this for over 40 years thats the disorder if it was ordered you WOULDNT be experiencing this i perceive disorder more than you as i suffer from panic!disorder!!! trying to tell myself I'll be alright means IVE sucked myself dry again
IVE just in the last half hour fell over thats autism the not perceiving how to weight bear at the right angle and panic its deaf its blind has no perception of touch
stress will make alexithymia worse i go to comedy to help and rest IM not Jewish concept resting is exactly tight they've even got the day right
i realised a few years ago i was always really tired friday afternoon not Sunday morning sundays are pointless for resting to me so i try to keep Friday shabat (Sabbath )when i stayed in bed a lot last week i started to perceive emotion
AshleyDS said:
So I'm going to try my best to explain this, but I have a hard time translating my thoughts into words sometimes (I read a lot of you think in pictures rather than words, but I don't think in either - it's like if a paragraph were summarized into a feeling or urge - needless to say I find words fall short and don't convey the depth of what I intend them to.

So I used to think I was an introspective person with a great capacity for relaying my thoughts and feelings to others. Over time I have found that it just isn't so. I have a hard time connecting my emotions to concepts of what illicit them unless it is something that has been explained to me.

Example: Before I knew about ASD I knew I hated showers. To the point I once went a year without a bath or shower (I would wash my hair every 2 weeks and use wet wipes on my "smelly parts" - I know, gross. Welcome to my life). When I tried to explain why I couldn't shower or bathe, all I could say is that it was exhausting, or overwhelming, but I didn't even know myself that hating getting wet, hating the noise, hating the cold of the air on my wet skin, that the hate of those (and countless other) things had a direct causal relationship to the overwhelming feelings I was getting. It wasn't until I did some reading on sensory processing issues that it all clicked for me. That the individual things that bother me is what is CAUSING the stress and making me overwhelmed and scared - like DUH!!!!.

Basically I can say I am happy, sad, scared, shameful, overwhelmed, but unless someone has said to me (or I have read) the EXACT reason I am feeling something, I find it nearly impossible to link the actions or facts to the reason behind the emotion.

This all runs in stark contrast to how I present myself. I pass as NT most of the time, excel at my job (I am who lawyers go to when they don't know how to deal with corporate law matters), and appear incredibly articulate and introspective.

Does this make sense? Does anyone else get this? Or am I really messed up? If anyone has read about this, is there a word for it?
Click to expand...
 
I do have problems understanding why I feel a certain way. I'm getting better at the analysis now that I try to break it down, so I'll write down the process on a sheet of paper and a general description of the feeling - most of the times, it's "sad" or "stressed". And then I try to question it, kind of? It's very hard to explain, but in the last few months doing that, I've been able to gain a much more precise understanding of the feeling, and now realize that sometimes I'm sad at something real, sometimes I'm saddened by something I fear would result from the current situation, etc. I'm not as successful with the "stressed" emotion, it seems that nearly everything is currently a source of intense stress for me.
 
Katleya said:
I do have problems understanding why I feel a certain way. I'm getting better at the analysis now that I try to break it down, so I'll write down the process on a sheet of paper and a general description of the feeling - most of the times, it's "sad" or "stressed". And then I try to question it, kind of? It's very hard to explain, but in the last few months doing that, I've been able to gain a much more precise understanding of the feeling, and now realize that sometimes I'm sad at something real, sometimes I'm saddened by something I fear would result from the current situation, etc. I'm not as successful with the "stressed" emotion, it seems that nearly everything is currently a source of intense stress for me.
Click to expand...
that'll be an anxiety attack like panic its gives you nothing but fear (being stressed) so there is no emotion
 
Umm, no, I don't think so. I do get panic attacks, well, not as often now that I'm not working, but I still occasionally get them.
This is more like loud, continuous noise: stressed. People talking outside: stressed. People being happy & I can hear it: stressed. Not knowing why I can't get started on something: stressed. Not doing said thing: stressed. Certain levels of light: stressed. Etc.
Basically, it seems that I use the word "stressed" for lack of a better one for about anything, and I have to learn to narrow it down so that it can be handled. And I can feel a range of other things along, sometimes anger, sometimes impatience, sometimes annoyance with myself, sometimes fear, but the major emotion is there is a stress I can't cope with. Actually, upon writing it, I think stress is the word I use for the way I feel when I'm exposed to something that has a chance of causing a meltdown unless I get away from it, so thanks for helping me figure that out.
 
I tend to do a lot better, since I discovered I have aspergers. I now can even hold eye contact, up to a certain point, and that is due to actually understanding myself.

As long as I am given breathing space, I can usually start to understand why I am feeling in such a way.

I am so grateful for the internet, because quite often, I send my husband emails to explain my feelings and then we can get feedback on that.

But it does still cause a lot of confusion in my mind. Why do you not want to go and visit someone? I don't feel comfortable. But why don't you? Mmm I don't know. Then left on my own, it gradually comes to me the reason why and then I send an email to explain that.
 
Katleya said:
Umm, no, I don't think so. I do get panic attacks, well, not as often now that I'm not working, but I still occasionally get them.
This is more like loud, continuous noise: stressed. People talking outside: stressed. People being happy & I can hear it: stressed. Not knowing why I can't get started on something: stressed. Not doing said thing: stressed. Certain levels of light: stressed. Etc.
Basically, it seems that I use the word "stressed" for lack of a better one for about anything, and I have to learn to narrow it down so that it can be handled. And I can feel a range of other things along, sometimes anger, sometimes impatience, sometimes annoyance with myself, sometimes fear, but the major emotion is there is a stress I can't cope with. Actually, upon writing it, I think stress is the word I use for the way I feel when I'm exposed to something that has a chance of causing a meltdown unless I get away from it, so thanks for helping me figure that out.[/QUOTE

I know the feeling: stress = people expecting things of me, unclear goals, illogical and inefficient processes, long conversations without a clear purpose, glaring light, loud individual speaking outside, group conversations, being pleasant and engaging, groups of people making noise, external loud noises when i don't know when they are going to end, repetitive conversations, repeating oneself in the same sentence, contradicting oneself in the same conversation, rationalisations, emotional filler, changing plans without adequate notice, having to explain myself to people who should know me be now, any sound i can hear over my headphones... Like you I've understood why i get stressed. Before my diagnosis, I had always put myself in situations that were bad for me because its how society defined progress and success, my ability to fake being 'normal' got me jobs in sales and management that involved a lot of travelling, moving house and dealing with manipulative 'political' people. And i ultimately ran myself into the ground trying to be someone i wasn't, my stress arises from no longer having any buffer to deal with everyday situations, so i'm always at my wits end especially if i feel trapped by a situation and now that it is going to end badly. At one point going out to eat induced immediate 'bowel distress' if the noise was too loud or i could see to many people were talking

I also have difficulty understand other emotions than stress, i don't emotionally understand other people's feelings of happiness or sadness. I observe it, i understand the causality of it, but i don't understand the feeling of it. I try to cancel out worry and fear by looking at the situation logically, analysing probabilities and the gravity of the consequences and ignoring low likelihood / inconsequential outcome problems. Otherwise i'd go nuts.
Click to expand...
 
I have problems explaining to people how I feel or why in words, usually I have to write it down and work it out that way, by playing my situation out with characters or something. But man, I love showers. That sensory issue sounds like hell! Mine is people touching me, it's like being touched by spiders or something. I just begin clawing my skin until the sensation is gone, which doesn't make me look crazy at all in public! Oh, and boyfriends love it when they can't touch you without you being in total discomfort! Yay!
 
I only worked out recently that the stress I've always had is mostly anxiety with stress mixed in.

I can't easily seperate one thing from another, and causes can be be days in the past whereas NTs would experience effects straight after the cause.

I only figured out last year that I get overload shut-downs and that's been what's affected my performance all my life. I could only call it brain fog though.

I'm 47.
 
Momo said:
I have problems explaining to people how I feel or why in words, usually I have to write it down and work it out that way, by playing my situation out with characters or something. But man, I love showers. That sensory issue sounds like hell! Mine is people touching me, it's like being touched by spiders or something. I just begin clawing my skin until the sensation is gone, which doesn't make me look crazy at all in public! Oh, and boyfriends love it when they can't touch you without you being in total discomfort! Yay!
Click to expand...

Yeah I don't have a lot of sensory issues, but the ones I have are pretty intense. Getting wet, heat, sunshine, crowds and loud noises. Basically a summer festival is my worst nightmare lol. My reactions range from stressed-point of imminent meltdown to pschosomatic vomiting and fever.


That sucks for you. My favorite thing in the world is my husband massaging my hands - it helps when I'm overstimulated and freaking out. That and he hugs my head hard - it's very grounding for me.
 
Alexithymia is common...would not point to a genetic origin...more foetal origin/epigenetic/early infantile experiences... and what is important is that you are able to cognitively create plans or associations of words to overcome it. "Plan in your heart" what you want...dont look for words...look for ideas/knowledge... Willpower, control over emotional state, and planning redirection are important to your core/heart...

You are normal...many are like you... INTJ?
 
This is exactly how I feel too, holy crap. I never knew there was a word/disorder (?) specifically for this feeling, but it has dominated my life and ruined so many relationships. I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD and didn't even know that this went hand in hand with it. Thank you for this post and the responses, genuinely.
 
Have you ever done any myers briggs personality testing? - you sound like an INFJ - even if a slightly different type it can help you understand how you naturally process sensory, intuitive, emotional, and cognitive info.
This is a good website for info. There are various tests online, some better than others. When doing a test, you have to be very honest and self-aware of how you do actually respond to situations, rather than how you would like to respond - but it sounds like you are really making a good effort to do this

How You Process Emotions Based on Your Myers-Briggs® Type - Psychology Junkie
Heres one specifically on the INFJ type
14 Curiously Contradicting Things About the INFJ Personality Type




AshleyDS said:
So I'm going to try my best to explain this, but I have a hard time translating my thoughts into words sometimes (I read a lot of you think in pictures rather than words, but I don't think in either - it's like if a paragraph were summarized into a feeling or urge - needless to say I find words fall short and don't convey the depth of what I intend them to.

So I used to think I was an introspective person with a great capacity for relaying my thoughts and feelings to others. Over time I have found that it just isn't so. I have a hard time connecting my emotions to concepts of what illicit them unless it is something that has been explained to me.

Example: Before I knew about ASD I knew I hated showers. To the point I once went a year without a bath or shower (I would wash my hair every 2 weeks and use wet wipes on my "smelly parts" - I know, gross. Welcome to my life). When I tried to explain why I couldn't shower or bathe, all I could say is that it was exhausting, or overwhelming, but I didn't even know myself that hating getting wet, hating the noise, hating the cold of the air on my wet skin, that the hate of those (and countless other) things had a direct causal relationship to the overwhelming feelings I was getting. It wasn't until I did some reading on sensory processing issues that it all clicked for me. That the individual things that bother me is what is CAUSING the stress and making me overwhelmed and scared - like DUH!!!!.

Basically I can say I am happy, sad, scared, shameful, overwhelmed, but unless someone has said to me (or I have read) the EXACT reason I am feeling something, I find it nearly impossible to link the actions or facts to the reason behind the emotion.

This all runs in stark contrast to how I present myself. I pass as NT most of the time, excel at my job (I am who lawyers go to when they don't know how to deal with corporate law matters), and appear incredibly articulate and introspective.

Does this make sense? Does anyone else get this? Or am I really messed up? If anyone has read about this, is there a word for it?
Click to expand...
 
LogicalMind said:
Alexithymia is common...would not point to a genetic origin...more foetal origin/epigenetic/early infantile experiences... and what is important is that you are able to cognitively create plans or associations of words to overcome it. "Plan in your heart" what you want...dont look for words...look for ideas/knowledge... Willpower, control over emotional state, and planning redirection are important to your core/heart...

You are normal...many are like you... INTJ?
Click to expand...
close... INFJ which is why it's so frustrating to have a hard time breaking down what/why I'm feeling.
 
1111Alice7447 said:
Have you ever done any myers briggs personality testing? - you sound like an INFJ - even if a slightly different type it can help you understand how you naturally process sensory, intuitive, emotional, and cognitive info.
This is a good website for info. There are various tests online, some better than others. When doing a test, you have to be very honest and self-aware of how you do actually respond to situations, rather than how you would like to respond - but it sounds like you are really making a good effort to do this

How You Process Emotions Based on Your Myers-Briggs® Type - Psychology Junkie
Heres one specifically on the INFJ type
14 Curiously Contradicting Things About the INFJ Personality Type
Click to expand...
Lol I took it a year ago at work with my colleagues when it was dead. I indeed came up INFJ. Interesting that you picked up on that.
 
Well, I really related to your post.

Heres another article
How Each Myers-Briggs® Type Reacts to Stress (and How to Help!) - Psychology Junkie

Everyone has there own struggles, but it is not easy to be an INFJ in this world

I dont remember if it was in one of the articles I already linked but, taking the inside stuff and putting it outside, via writing, although very challenging is a really good way to help understand whats going on inside. Even as you write you will pick up so much better whether what is on the page is true or not much easier than trying to determine whether something is right, when its still 'inside' as thoughts. Often requires a lot of patience to stay with the impressions, sensations, emotions, internal-momentum long enough to be able to write something true about it
I often write at the top of my page the Q: "what is really going on for me right now?" to try cut through and create clarity when my internal world gets too busy, agitated and overwhelming, when I dont know why.


AshleyDS said:
Lol I took it a year ago at work with my colleagues when it was dead. I indeed came up INFJ. Interesting that you picked up on that.
Click to expand...
 
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