I'm in grad school. There are about 6 seminar requirements I have to go through.
I'm certain my dad is on the autistic spectrum - he has all the classic symptoms (loooong monologues about his computer interests, no eye contact, constantly getting fired, unintentionally cruel). He's old enough he wouldn't have been diagnosed anyway.
I used to be a certain way as a child - I did not talk to people unless strongly pressed until maybe high school, people made fun of me for the way I dressed (often wrong color combinations), I did not understand jokes, had poor hygiene, and had a lot of awkward moments where I would take things literally. I've always had trouble with the spoken word - it's weird, but it's like my brain cannot understand complex sentences when they are spoken aloud. I've always been good at reading and writing. But it's like I cannot connect my brain and my mouth. I have read that these symptoms are consistent with the way autism spectrum disorders present in women.
Anyway, I keep getting beat up at my seminars by professors for how I answer questions. I can give a reasonable seminar because I practice a lot beforehand. But when they ask me questions, I can tell they want something more from me. It's like they are asking me questions and I answer them, perhaps too literally, but then afterwards my advisor tells me they meant for me to say something else but I couldn't tell at the time! Plus, it really upsets me that they seem to be asking me questions they know are egregiously wrong!
I just failed another seminar because of this. Now I'm beginning to wonder if the fact that I can present as normal in certain limited social situations (in which my committee sees me) is working against me. I spent a lot of time in college reading about, and attempting to implement, the right way to make small talk. I watched hundreds of hours of stand-up comedy because I wanted to learn humor. I forced myself to make eye contact with people because I read it was the normal thing to do.
I'm not even officially diagnosed as a person with an autistic spectrum disorder. But I'm at risk of not getting my degree because of what I suspect is a real and incurable cognitive deficit. Do I let people know this is happening? I think they think I don't know my stuff, or that I'm not working hard enough.
I'm certain my dad is on the autistic spectrum - he has all the classic symptoms (loooong monologues about his computer interests, no eye contact, constantly getting fired, unintentionally cruel). He's old enough he wouldn't have been diagnosed anyway.
I used to be a certain way as a child - I did not talk to people unless strongly pressed until maybe high school, people made fun of me for the way I dressed (often wrong color combinations), I did not understand jokes, had poor hygiene, and had a lot of awkward moments where I would take things literally. I've always had trouble with the spoken word - it's weird, but it's like my brain cannot understand complex sentences when they are spoken aloud. I've always been good at reading and writing. But it's like I cannot connect my brain and my mouth. I have read that these symptoms are consistent with the way autism spectrum disorders present in women.
Anyway, I keep getting beat up at my seminars by professors for how I answer questions. I can give a reasonable seminar because I practice a lot beforehand. But when they ask me questions, I can tell they want something more from me. It's like they are asking me questions and I answer them, perhaps too literally, but then afterwards my advisor tells me they meant for me to say something else but I couldn't tell at the time! Plus, it really upsets me that they seem to be asking me questions they know are egregiously wrong!
I just failed another seminar because of this. Now I'm beginning to wonder if the fact that I can present as normal in certain limited social situations (in which my committee sees me) is working against me. I spent a lot of time in college reading about, and attempting to implement, the right way to make small talk. I watched hundreds of hours of stand-up comedy because I wanted to learn humor. I forced myself to make eye contact with people because I read it was the normal thing to do.
I'm not even officially diagnosed as a person with an autistic spectrum disorder. But I'm at risk of not getting my degree because of what I suspect is a real and incurable cognitive deficit. Do I let people know this is happening? I think they think I don't know my stuff, or that I'm not working hard enough.
