not knowing if someone is sarcastic or mocking me

[Jordy]

i can't really maintain relationships with people anymore because i can't help but feel paranoid that someone is constantly being sarcastic or making fun of me behind the scenes, this is especially bad when i talk to someone over text. Someone sending me "haha" can ruin my day, i really dont know if this person is being sarcastic, mocking me or actually find something funny. A couple times i got mad at someone over something like this and their response was something like "what the hell are you on about, thats not what i meant" but even that could be sarcasm or lying.

I mean its not that just anyone could be saying something and not mean it and i have no way of knowing.

 

[Thinx]

This sounds difficult, are you on any Meds that could make you feel a bit paranoid? Or are you under some stress?

Maybe it would be good to discuss this with a doctor or therapist if you have one? Additional idea might be to try to get out and about more, just walking and being outside can help you feel less anxious.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

@phantom just try to let what people say roll off your back like water off a duck. If they want to spend time with you, it is safe to assume that they enjoy your company, so they're probably teasing in a playful way, and mean no offense.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I work with a person that is on psychiatric meds for an anxiety disorder and is often paranoid. She has her good days and bad days, but it is so difficult to work with someone like that. Every little conversation, every little comment,...she will suddenly come out of nowhere and interrupt the conversation,..."Are you talking about me?" It's like you're walking on eggshells all the time around her. Most people I work with are more interested in talking about topics,...not people. On one hand, she can be logical when you explain, jokingly,..."You're not that interesting enough of a person,...we weren't talking about you." She can laugh at that,...but some days,...it's a total train wreck.

Now, I can definitely see where someone on the autism spectrum might not have the "theory of mind" skills to interpret intent,...I struggle with this almost daily. Even at 54, I still am somewhat socially naive. Throw in a "pinch" of paranoid behavior,...and I can really see the difficulties.

 

[Luca]

I have PTSD and I have this problem too
I’m always afraid that my friends don’t really like me or that they’re making fun of me behind my back, because for most of my life that actually was the case

 

[Gracey]

If it's someone I've spent some time with I can pick up the pulling my leg, teasing, good natured sarcasm.

If I have a head full of other stuff going on (eight tabs open and busy) they're wasting their effort and I'm likely to need the joke explaining to me

- NOT being intentionally humourless, just on several other wavelengths in that moment. Processing humour not being one of them

 

[Progster]

I have the same issue, and find the banter that's usually a normal part of most close friendships and relationships really difficult. If in doubt, I ask them: is that sarcasm or real? And I need to remember to smile, to let them know that if it is, I'm not angry with them.

 

[Owliet]

I find this difficult too. I have a colleague who makes these types of jokes, and I don’t know if he’s being sarcastic or trying to be funny. I had a moment when he said a comment, mulled it over In my head into the following day and then asked him for an explanation because I was somewhat...anxious and (if I’m perfectly honest here)) upset that it was perceived as such even if it was a joke. It was a joke, and he was very surprised that I took it so personally that he hasn’t made any since.

 

[Misery]

I'd strongly suggest simply asking the person directly, when you're confused about something they've said.

Sarcasm and such typically isnt meant maliciously. But the person doing it probably doesnt realize it's not getting through.

And some people are just sarcastic by nature. Including myself. IRL, I'm a constant fountain of it.

 

[Varzar]

I have the reverse issue. People think I'm being sarcastic even when I'm attempting a sincere compliment.

 

[watersprite]

@Varzar Tnis seems to happen to me occasionally, and when I ask about it, people say I don’t give off any “hints” - I guess I do not have appropriate body language or facial expression.

 

[Varzar]

@Varzar Tnis seems to happen to me occasionally, and when I ask about it, people say I don’t give off any “hints” - I guess I do not have appropriate body language or facial expression.

Yeah, my wife has said I use the wrong tone of voice. I think I'm using a cheery, happy tone, but apparently it comes across as sarcastic instead. It happened with her a few times, which is what originally brought it to my attention. But probably the worst case I recognized it happening was when we went to get this big package that we had shipped to a postal outlet. It was bulky and heavy to get in the back of the truck. My wife and I were able to do it, which was fine. And the girl that worked there was trying to help as much as she could, but admittedly she wasn't in the best of shape. I still very much appreciated her efforts trying to help where she could (she had no obligation to do so). When we went to leave, I cheerfully said, "Thanks for the help!" to the girl.. But based on her reaction, she obviously felt like she had not helped much, and had taken what I said as sarcasm.
I knew that me trying to clarify that it was a sincere 'thank you' was only going to make it worse, so I just left. *sigh*

 

[Suzette]

@Varzar, there isn't anything you can do if someone has low self esteem. That is not your fault.