Not Logical, Seriously...

[Darkkin]

Does anyone else deal with a weird compulsion, (which for me is a company is coming level clean house), that absolutely has to be maintained or you will be judged a failure or be found wanting by society? It is an illogical measure of nonexistent merit to be seen as worthy in the eyes of neurotypical society, a compensation to neurotypical norms to make up for being an autistic.

I know it is a ridiculous compulsion, but I cannot function in chaos, mess, or disorder. If I don't complete my chores to maintain my order, I feel guilty, like I'm not working hard enough to earn my keep.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Sounds like artificial guilt. Easier said than done, but try not to be too hard on yourself.

I seem to have a lot of compulsions, but I guess my main one is incessant self-soothing. Whether it be verbal or physical tics etc. It also helps distract from aches and pains, although frantic movements can sometimes cause further musculoskeletal symptoms.

Ed

 

[Judge]

Does anyone else deal with a weird compulsion, (which for me is a company is coming level clean house), that absolutely has to be maintained or you will be judged a failure or be found wanting by society?

Yes, you could say that. -Diagnosed 1982.

"Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) features a pattern of unwanted thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead you to do repetitive behaviors (compulsions). These obsessions and compulsions interfere with daily activities and cause significant distress.

You may try to ignore or stop your obsessions, but that only increases your distress and anxiety. Ultimately, you feel driven to perform compulsive acts to try to ease your stress. Despite efforts to ignore or get rid of bothersome thoughts or urges, they keep coming back. This leads to more ritualistic behavior — the vicious cycle of OCD."

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) - Symptoms and causes

 

[Atrapa Almas]

I used to. When I was in my 20s, my home always looked spotless. I would clean around visitors. Vacuuming every other day. It always looked like a showroom in a furniture store. But it changed, I think I wore something out. As I got older I noticed more and more that I spent a lot of time and energy on it. And I got a little sick of it. And my home looked like no one lived there, I wanted to live. I still like to have a tidy home, but within reason. Not overdoing it, spending less time on it.

There's a lot of freedom in it, not having to keep everything spotless all the time.

I also was like that on my 20's and beyond until I got married and had a daugther....

 

[Aspychata]

I wish I could obsess about the right things instead of other things. I clean if it's possible and my brain can focus but it's a go to obsession. First, I just breakdown the most important obsessions. Garbage has to leave, workouts have to happen. Teeth hygiene and bills/taxes those got to happen. Gas for cars, repairs for cars in carport. Medical issues should be taken care of. Laundry yes. Everything else in life can float around that pile of chores. Work use to be in there but the pandemic wiped out that.

 

[Richelle-H]

Here is the thing about compulsions. It comes from your perception of how things are meant to be, which is an artificial construct that has been trained into you.

I am a terrible housekeeper, and it does not bother me one iota. That is just who I am, I make no excuses for it, it just is. I wish it were better, but at my age, I have a very limited ability to keep up with what needs to be done and so housekeeping suffers.

As others have said. relax a bit and do not beat yourself up too much. You need to balance yourself and not judge yourself too harshly. Keeping things spotless is admirable, but how often do others enter your living space . If it is for you, then fine, if it is because you are worried about what others might think or dread their criticism, then you should try to let go of that. We are trained into these attitudes by our parents and teachers over many years. If it does not arise from your center then you are investing way too much in what others might think. Your environment reflects who you are and a little mess is acceptable. I find perfectly arranged and spotless living spaces, like in a model home, creepy in the extreme. But that is just me.

Just accept yourself for who you are in the moment, no matter how much that may shift over time. That is the way I have lived my life and it has served me well.

 

[Darkkin]

Acceptance can be a very tough place to reach when as an autistic, you've spent your entire life being measured and found wanting by NT standards. The fallout is we can, and often do, internalize the gaslighting we are subjected to from the very start.

Teachers telling you what you cannot do. What aspects of your personality are wrong and need to be expunged. You learn to shield, to avoid, and make your self smaller, as unobtrusive as possible. If that means reducing the possibility of reprimand by having all the chores done and reducing environmental chaos so you can think, it becomes a coping strategy.

No one likes to do dishes at gatherings, but they still need to be done. A major masking strategy, being the useful one. People don't notice when you hide behind a chore no one wants to do. Chores are predictable, safe. People, not so much.

And it is hard to be kind to one's self when one has never been allowed to accept the fact that we are human and can just simply be. Logically there is no reason for the internalized pressure, but it has always been there, crushing down. You don't know any other way, except to kept that pressure at a status quo.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I was obsessive about avoiding error, which, of course, is impossible. Finally it wore me out and I needed to escape a perfect storm of distress. Now, my spouse taught me to; Embrace Imperfection.

 

[Richelle-H]

Acceptance can be a very tough place to reach when as an autistic, you've spent your entire life being measured and found wanting by NT standards. The fallout is we can, and often do, internalize the gaslighting we are subjected to from the very start.

Teachers telling you what you cannot do. What aspects of your personality are wrong and need to be expunged. You learn to shield, to avoid, and make your self smaller, as unobtrusive as possible. If that means reducing the possibility of reprimand by having all the chores done and reducing environmental chaos so you can think, it becomes a coping strategy.

No one likes to do dishes at gatherings, but they still need to be done. A major masking strategy, being the useful one. People don't notice when you hide behind a chore no one wants to do. Chores are predictable, safe. People, not so much.

I wound up making myself as unobtrusive as possible growing up. That somewhat isolated me from the indoctrination I was spoon fed. I saw myself as no different than those around me and if I got the occasional comment of "you are weird", I paid it no mind for I already knew I was different.

I guess I was born with blinders to what others think. It was always take me or leave me for who I am and that was well before my diagnosis. After that, my attitude did not change. In fact, I actually started masking less than in my teens through my thirties. That had nothing to do with age or maturity, just the fact that I had confirmation that I was not wrong about myself and that trying to fit others perception of what that self should be was both fruitless and taxing.

I do manage the day to day stuff, but if something gets neglected for a day or two, it is my business and I refuse to be judged. Saying that, I would never invite anyone into my home who I did not know extremely well and I knew was not the judgmental type.

Try to be good to yourself and don't let the world weigh you down with unwarranted criticism, even if it is only in your head. Life does get better if you give it half a chance.

 

[Darkkin]

Vacuumed my floors (cheat mode and used the whirlygig in the basement), dry mopped, swept, made beds, and the whole atmosphere of the house feels lighter.

The thing about everyday doings is they get me up and moving and keeps my angina in check. If I am too still for too long (be it sitting or standing) the pain triggers.