Not really getting "the feelings" - depression?

[nope]

This may sound contradictory considering I've created two guy threads already, but I feel like I've lost the ability to fall in love? I might think someone is cute, but I haven't really wanted anyone as a long-term partner, and when someone asks what I want in a boyfriend I can't come up with anything. I might want to have sex with someone, but it stems from loneliness more than from lust, and even then I get bored too quickly and find myself wondering if it's over yet, which I'm sure is flattering to my sex partner.

Is this normal? Am I nearing the point of no turning back?

 

[Adder1234]

I'm more or less the same and I have depression, but I've always been told that it's just because I haven't met anyone that I actually love.

 

[Dusty285]

In the "Owner's Manual For Human Body" which applies to NT's and mostly to all of us on the spectrum it says in the section in the back on personal relationships:

A woman wants and needs to look up to her man. He should be taller and seem smarter and make more money.

Real love and affection require matching IQ's of the man and woman in a serious relationship. The closer the match the better and longer-lasting the relationship. One study [don't remember. Maybe in the 1960's?] dealing with trying to determine adult IQ's found that quite old and always happily married couples [40 to 60 years of marriage] had almost perfectly matching IQ's.

Opposites do not attract. There can be excitement but for a serious relationship to be stable the personalities and backgrounds need to be as similar as possible. Maybe not "the girl or boy next door" but the girl or boy from 2 blocks away is good. Same economic brackets and everything else as close as possible to the same. Or someone from far away but that "Far Away" and the circumstances for both were a close match. However: It is also good if the personalities and talents of the couple complement each other. One's strengths balance the other's weaknesses.

Age is critical. It is a function of the Standard Statistical Curve and Standard Deviation thereof. For a late teenager the same year of birth to not more than 2 years difference [one Sigma] and usually with the man being older. By the time a couple is in their sixty's the Standard Deviation might have spread to five years and still with the man being the older one.

All this gets messed up some for those of us 'on the Spectrum.' Mostly it still is valid. Real love is a function of the inner and unknowable parts of our brains recognizing a matching IQ and personality. But real love is not at all logical.

For both men and women; certainly for men: Interest and willingness to "commit" is a function of situation. Proper chronological age; financial situation like wait until the Diploma is in hand or the new job seems to be going to last awhile. There are many reasons for an individual to want to stay on "Hold."

This is all very superficial and a very bare overview. There are tens of thousands of articles and studies and everything else imaginable taking it to whatever detail may be possible. I hope this bare bones set of thoughts helps some.

 

[Meili]

I've experienced much of what you described nope.

I find relationships difficult and often annoying.

I've been married (and divorced) twice. Both marriages were a matter of practicality (no, not because of a baby LOL!) rather than love.

I typically find sex boring. It's more of a function in a relationship than something that I seek with any passion.

It's rather strange, my best friend is my ex-fiancee. Almost all of the criteria mentioned in Dusty's post are there. She's in love with me and wants to spend her life with me, but I don't have any romantic feelings for her.

 

[Katherine Rawstron]

I wouldn't worry about it. It's recently become recognised that some people are genuinely not interested in sex and it does nothing for them. So you're not particularly abnormal if that's the case with you; just don't bother in future.

As for falling in love, I know the feeling, but it doesn't happen for everybody. Don't try to convince yourself you love somebody just for the sake if it; it's better to remain single than find yourself with the wrong person.

 

[On the Inside]

it's better to remain single than find yourself with the wrong person.

I completely agree with this. Sometimes, (from personal experience) even the right person ends up being the wrong person, it just might take years to learn that.