Not understanding what is "secret"

[PrincessRuto]

This seems like a pretty common sense question given an aspie's trouble reading people, but does everyone else have trouble understanding what information people expect to be kept secret? Throughout my life, I have lost many friendships because of this and have been labeled the family blabbermouth, but unless someone specifically makes it clear that information should remain between us, I just don't know what is share-able. Not even in a gossip context at all. As I've gotten older, I just try not to talk about others when people ask, but that seems to cause other social tension too. How does everyone else navigate having mutual friends with people?

 

[Datura]

It's hard to say which information and individual will want to be kept private, but there are some gudelines on what should generally be kept secret, even if it is not stated explicitly.


Things to be kept secret:

• Anything relating to a person's sex life should be kept secret.
• The disclosure of crushes or other feelings toward others.
• Personal fears and anxieties.
• Personal medical information.
• Anything that could compromise a person's physical, material, or financial security (ie. passwords, vital statistics, secret hiding places)
  
• Unusual tastes and interests that may not be socially acceptable.
• Traumatic experiences.
• Anything that is whispered to you.
• Anything you are asked to keep secret (obviously)

The one major caviat is that if a person is in danger and disclosing a secret will help get them out of trouble then it is okay to disclose that piece of information. (eg. A diabetic friend passes out. Sharing that she is diabatic will help her get better care.)

That's all I can think of for now. I won't pretend my list is exhaustive.

 

[DogwoodTree]

Personal medical information.

Don't tell if someone is pregnant until you see it discussed publicly on Facebook. Don't even ask them how they're "feeling." You can ask normal questions you'd ask anyone, like "How's it going?". But "How are you feeling?" is a huge giveaway, especially around other moms. I know this from a very embarrassing personal experience.

Like you, I pretty much just have to refrain from talking about other people, even directly to them (especially if other people are around). I make too many mistakes when I start talking.

 

[Judge]

Discretion doesn't usually include a rulebook. Yes, it can be confusing- and exasperating at times.

 

[Beverly]

Unless they are open about it to everyone (as in would show and tell it on world wide television) you shouldn't tell or show it to anyone without explicit permission.

"Sorry, I don't want to start something." is good enough to keep people form asking too much.