NT Spouse wants to go out and do things ...

[poey]

So Mrs. Poey wants to go out and do things. Like go to museums, parks, the zoo, and other places with children and lots of noises and lights and other scary stimuli. We've lived in a large city for two years now, and she's getting tired of hearing my "i don't want to go's" I have gone to a baseball Cardinal's game and wore earplugs and got through it ok, though it was very rough and took a Klonopin for me to make it through it.

The problem is, is not only am i anxious and overstimulated, i can't just put my head down and just hope to get through it, but she is physically disabled and i have to make sure she can get where she needs to go and that surfaces are safe for her to walk. I have to force my brain to be cognizant of the surroundings and people in case they get too close to her. (Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis make it painful when people touch her, no matter how gentle the touch)

Kids tend to kick her cane. If she wants to purchase something, i have to be aware so i can carry the items.

I think if i could just put my head down and trudge through it, it would be different.

Does anyone have any coping skills that might be beneficial? I really want to make her happy and have her get joy out of her life since she is at home all the time being disabled and all. My "i don't want to go's" are adding to her depression, and i'm feeling a little selfish about it.

Thanks for any advice.

Laura

 

[Soup]

I know exactly what you mean about juggling both the overstimulation & the complications of Fibro. There are some ways to compromise & make it easier for yourself & the missus to survive these excursions you'd rather avoid. Since I had 2 kids (now grown) Mr.Soup & I frequently found ourselves having to drag ourselves all over the place. Here are some of my strategies. I hope something in here proves to be useful to you.

- Go during off days & off hours. Since you are both adults, you don't have to go to the zoo on the Saturday of a long weekend at midday. Go on a Monday that is a school day & go early. By the time any groups of people (like school groups or senior home groups etc.) arrive, you'll be ready to depart (escape). THis is great for museums which tend to be quiet places anyways. They make a great practice outing for Aspies who hate noise & jostling. they are often hushed & not too brightly lit to protect sensitive exhibits.

- Many places that sell scooters allow people to rent travel ones cheaply for a weekend or even longer. Rent a folding motorized scooter to use while at any place like Sea World, Park Safari, a zoo etc. When people can SEE the disability, they tend to be much more careful & give your scooter a wide berth. Also, the scooter's basket enables you to not have to carry all kinds of crap while trying to remain balanced. Most places like amusement parks etc. offer special seating areas for people with disabilities & offer priority access (& departure) to events like shows & rides so you don't get trampled & jostled by crowds.

- Plan your itinerary & stick to it. Trouble-shoot ahead of time to work out issues like getting in & out, parking or public transit routes & fares (you don't need to be fumbling for change while stressed out by the line of impatient people behind you). Plan even what you are going to eat! Bring your own food & avoid standing in concession stand lines & having to shout out your order & then try to balance your food & drink.

- Wear event appropriate clothing! Sounds like common sense but many people don't think & wear closed athletic shoes to a hot zoo. Wear walking sandals! Have a light removable layer to help you survive the sun. Wear a hat & bring sunglasses! Being physically uncomfortable can be the worst thing when you are already uncomfortable due to the setting. I have some clothing I've set aside for such occasions: a loose white linen shirt that looks nice but throws on easily over almost anything. I can roll the sleeves up or down. I also have a denim jacket that has pockets on the inside for my phone, a small wallet, keys, ID etc. so I don't have to drag along a purse.

-Avoid getting too dolled up! This is not going to a ballgame advice but for those times you get invited somewhere like a wedding etc. Wear your regular hairstyle-only freshly done that day. Wear a comfortable but pleasant outfit that is FAMILIAR & dress it up with a not too irritating accessory like a festive brooch. Wear easy to live with make-up like a long-wearing lipstick that won't rub off on every spoon & glass you tip to your lips (making you feel self-conscious & then try to wipe it off...leading said glass to spill everywhere...) A simple pair of pearl earrings is classy & won't drive you nuts by being too heavy, going crooked, slipping out or dangling & swinging.

-COMPROMISE! Agree to go to ______ (add miserable event here) BUT no extra detours & spontaneous add-ons like ducking into a club or a bar etc. Agree to go to __________ relative's house-warming or whatever BUT agree to only stay for 2 hours MAX: no 4-5 hour marathon party-animal visits!

- Make agreements ahead of time about unfamiliar people. While she may have to introduce you to someone, she doesn't have to suggest, "HEY! WHY DON'T YOU & EDNA JOIN US AT OUR PLACE NEXT WEEKEND FOR A BBQ!" or suggest that some relative stay with you next time they're in your town instead of them booking a hotel room.

Hope something in here helps you.

 

[poey]

Thanks Soup, those are all really good tips. Calling around to scooter places now to see about a rental!!

 

[Soup]

Thanks Soup, those are all really good tips. Calling around to scooter places now to see about a rental!!

Try scooter repair shoppes. Many of them keep lots of models on hand for rent. They fold easily & run all day on a full battery charge. Charging them is a breeze: plug in, walk away. Aspie proof (unless you trip over your own feet while walking away...) My scooter even separates easily into 3 parts for air travel & it fits into the trunk of a standard car. they don't run well on sand BUT you can get a tread that will make them sand friendly. You can even get scooters made for 2 so you & Mrs.Poey can ride together: whoever is less clumsy on a given day can steer.

With Fibro she may qualify to get one covered my Medicare: mine was & it saved me a 4,000$ investment AND medicare covers the maintenance & repairs!