NTs or Autie/Aspie partners?

[OkRad]

I am wondering, if you are neuro-diverse (ND), have you done better with other neuro diverse or NTs?

I know people are all different and I don't like to put people into boxes, but I ask because when I used to date, I did better with NTs but always LIKED to dates ND's.

But when I dated NDs, the two of us together would never get anywhere and so many questions and missing communications despite the awesome talks.

When I dated NTs it was great. They could wrap it all together and we couild get stuff done.

That does not mean I prefer one over the other. I do not date now. But I am just curious if anyone had a pattern?

 

[jamesaldrin]

I've never met any potential dating-partners that I knew were neurodiverse.
I've never even been on a date.

 

[the_tortoise]

I think everyone I have dated has been different or atypical in some significant way, so I have no way of comparing.

With friends, though, there's never been any correlation between neurodiversity and how well we communicate. (I add this because I'm not sure I can see any difference between friendship and romantic/sexual/partnership type relationships with respect to the communication/connection piece; Not saying differences don't exist, just not for me.)

 

[Bolletje]

I've never dated anyone that was officially diagnosed, but in retrospect I'm fairly sure one of my former FWB's was on the spectrum. We hung out for months with exactly the same routine which was dinner (the same food every time as he refused to eat anything else), then watch a movie or play video games, then off to bed and have quiet sex with the lights off. Whenever I tried to initiate a conversation about our perceived relationship, or offered to cook something for dinner, or tried to get him to go out, he'd freak out and go completely silent on me. The positive thing was that when I told him I had feelings for him, and said that if he didn't want a relationship with me I'd be fine with just being friends, I got a straight answer and we went back to being friends with less than a minute of conversation.

Some of my relationships with NT people were very hard because their emotional needs were overwhelming for me. I think it's important for me to be with someone that's social and outgoing, as I have the tendency to isolate myself. I like some peace and quiet, but I crave social interaction as well. Having a partner that gives me a little push when I want to stay inside really helps me. My current parter has enough Aspie traits to understand most of my weird thought patterns and to understand my need for alone time and my need for meticulous planning, but his spontaneity and outgoing persona ensure I go out and meet new people, and don't cancel on my existing friends.

 

[xudo]

I've only ever been in one relationship, and I've never had any hookups or FWB's or anything else (poor sheltered me lol). We've been together over a decade now, and we're both on the spectrum. In terms of friends, most are NT, but most have some other 'issue' going on too (depression, anxiety, ADHD etc). @VenomousAlbino can probably add to this, as he's had relationships previously with NT's. Although he wasn't diagnosed then, I'm sure some of the things he did/problems he had in those relationships make more sense now with the benefit of knowing he's on the spectrum.

 

[VenomousAlbino]

My last relationship prior to @xudo ended after around three months. Aside from our having almost nothing in common, the fact that I "wasn't open enough", was somewhat moody sometimes and didn't like to talk non-stop were all regular points of contention.

I wasn't diagnosed at the time but, regardless, these are all facets of my personality and for whatever reason she either couldn't or wouldn't accept those parts of me.

 

[paloftoon]

My last relationship prior to @xudo ended after around three months. Aside from our having almost nothing in common, the fact that I "wasn't open enough", was somewhat moody sometimes and didn't like to talk non-stop were all regular points of contention.

I wasn't diagnosed at the time but, regardless, these are all facets of my personality and for whatever reason she either couldn't or wouldn't accept those parts of me.

I think a good relationship does involve generally being able to develop into being able to be open enough eventually. It can be scary to be more open, but it is healthy to be open with someone you're supposed to trust in a relationship and vice versa. Sometimes, you have to take risks to try to make a relationship work. If it doesn't work, then so be it. Then you work with the situation presented in front of you.

 

[Destinyz12]

I always had relationships with NTs, particularly outgoing ones that were well spoken, since it complimented the fact that I am pretty introverted and sometimes shy. I have often come across that sort of relationship dynamic amongst other people I know (one quiet person and one outgoing person) and it seems to usually work out fairly well. I've tried dating more introverted people and it would never last more than a date or 2 because we'd run out of stuff to talk about and it would get awkward. I've never dated anyone on the spectrum though, but then again, I've hardly (knowingly) come across anyone on the spectrum to begin with. To be fair, I am not officially diagnosed either, but I believe that I am at the very least a borderline Aspie.