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Obscession? or passion about honesty | inability to deal with deciet...

Lukas

Lukas

Aspie At Large
Do any of you have issues dealing with deception or dishonesty in any way?

I have discovered the reasons for some of my behaviours, such as ...

I cannot drive some cars, particularly newer models... and trust my 20 year old Daimler.
I cannot wear glasses younger than at least 75 years or so..... and purchase antique eyeglasses from shops.
I cannot have just any furniture in my house, it has to meet some deep rooted requirement.... artificial ingredients are a no no.

All this boiled down to me, (discovered in a therapy session), to be rooted in my inability to deal with deception. This problem goes the gamut of my existence from everyday life items to employment to politics and makes life extremely difficult to navigate.

Basically, if it looks like wood, it has to be wood or it doesn't work for me... things have to be exactly as they appear or I become confused and lost. Facades have absolutely no place in my world and I truly don't know how to handle them in my life.

Am I alone in these feelings?
 
You are not alone in feeling like that. I share your feelings, but am not as committed to the consequences as you are. I will avoid artificiality wherever I can (e.g. food and clothes), but will put up with others to accommodate my limited resources (material and energy).
 
My family "thrives" on "fake" compliments...anything said nicely that is designed to "make" someone feel good about themselves and about the person giving the compliment. In a personal quest for being more authentic (before diagnosis), I backed off of those fake compliments last year, fully expecting people to appreciate the fact that I wanted to be more honest with them and I truly wanted them to be more honest with me...I literally begged for constructive criticism, feedback on what I was doing wrong that I needed to address and improve. Backfired. Mom decided I had "withdrawn my heart" from them, and assigned me the role of scapegoat, no matter what goes wrong. Somehow, no matter what anyone else did that caused a problem, the negative energy was directed at me. Mom always brought it up with me as if I needed to do something to "fix" whatever the issue was...because I'm not being nice enough...even though I'm the one who works my a$$ off and does my work without needing constant hand-holding, but my sister (who works with us) is very high-maintenance and needs constant encouragement/motivation/support in order to show up to work regularly, and even more to complete her work.

So now, my personal quest is still to find a place of more honesty and authenticity in my relationships. But I'm finding out how many people really just don't want that. They want the games, and I'm so done with those games.
 
I loathe deception, and I loathe arbitrariness.

Fake compliments/pleasantries, however, I have learned are not entirely without their merits. They seem to keep the peace among neuruotypicals, and we all know they are fake, so I think they are less a deception and more a thin pretense. It still bothers me, but it is sometimes necessary to achieve certain goals with NT's.
 
This explains so much really.... so this is why I am so uncomfortable around NTs, why I remain unwilling to date or marry again when I so miss having companionship. I will lose no matter what I choose... by signing onto a job or relationship, I will sacrifice comfort... by avoiding them, I sacrifice companionship. Helluva choice to have to make really.
 
I have problem with dishonesty. I really have a problem with people who steal things. People like that must have a very low opinion of themselves. I just don't know how they can do that. I think most people here feel the same way. I have read that most Aspies have a inborn sense of principles.
 
Lukas said:
This explains so much really.... so this is why I am so uncomfortable around NTs, why I remain unwilling to date or marry again when I so miss having companionship. I will lose no matter what I choose... by signing onto a job or relationship, I will sacrifice comfort... by avoiding them, I sacrifice companionship. Helluva choice to have to make really.
Click to expand...

I've been married to an NT for 6 years. It was really difficult before I got diagnosed. However, it is doable. Just remember that every marriage is difficult, so much of the difficulty really isn't about you having ASD. In many was, my ASD was what kept us together owing to my unique perspective. At other times, it was a challenge (meltdowns anyone?). Bottom line, nothing worth having in life is 100% comfortable all the time, and most good things require a shitload of work.
 
75 year-old eyeglasses may be a personal preference, but in what way are "new" eyeglasses deceptive? What helped me to get past some of my eccentric needs was moving to a rural area where options are almost ZERO. I learned to look at functionality rather than some abstract personal pickiness: I'm a lot happier, and can walk into a store and grab whatever will "do" as opposed to complaining because my perfectionist desires cannot be met. Relax. The world will not fall apart because you can't have what you want.
 
The title of this thread seems a bit misleading to me . . . I don't understand what preferences regarding cars and eyeglasses have to do with honesty.
 
I can't put up with dishonesty unless someone explains me why to do so with really solid argumentation. Sometimes people ask me: when did you arrive? And I can't just say 7:30 cause I know it was 7:31 but if I say so they will reply: then you could just say 7:30. These things make me think I'm crazy.
 
Yeah you can say I have trouble with dishonesty in people. It has actually caused me to disown some family members..... and that says alot.
 
Heh, definitely! I don't trust a lot of these newer things. There's so much hype and horrible commercials ("you're a loser if you don't use this product") that I am highly skeptical about their performance. I'll definitely take an old manual care over these computer cars any day. I'll never understand why some moron put a touchscreen in the car! Where's all the nobs and buttons so you don't have to take your eyes off the road?
 
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