Obsessive Spending

[Geordie]

Recently, I notice merchants out there want to hook people on certain things. In a certain ice cream store, if you spend $5, you will get a free stamp. 4 chops lead to free ice cream and 8 chops, a free ice cream waffle. Also, in another bubble tea store, 20 visits to a bubble tea store lead to one free bubble tea of any choice.

I came back here, and consider such freebies and promotions as frivilous, but addictive. I think many Aspies (including me) have poor impulse control. Once we get a certain thing, we insist our way to get the thing we want, even though we may give up a lot of things in the process.

I suggest Aspies don't take up such offers and such freebies, and try to avoid them. Only spend what we need. not what we want, especially on promotions.

 

[Mike_GX1]

Yes I can identify with that and would be bad today if it wasn't for my learned skills for rationing things through training on my bike etc. If I take a few nibbles with me on my bike I know that I cannot exceed so many bites until I've done so many miles. It's the same with water because quite often refills are many miles away so you do have to be careful.

I don't know where I'd be without these learned life skills though. Apparently the natural difficulties that I have stem from deficiencies in the executive area of my brain (i.e. the front bit) where I look at the bigger picture and seek out goals for that bigger picture. I have learned ways of doing it but I am naturally deficient there and I suppose it has always been a disability of mine although I have only recently become aware of it as being such relative to other people.

In my dreams I see it as a monster I am forever in the wake of and am at the mercy of because ultimately I don't think there is any magic cure for executive skills deficiencies and so I cannot confront it head-on. It's like that baddie I can never defeat at the end of a video game level - I cannot get past this level and forever remain in jobs I could do with my eyes closed. I would like to press on but my executive deficiencies have prevented me from doing this and I cannot get into the kind of work and rate of pay that someone with my qualifications should be doing. I reason that this is the source of my recurrent depressive swings as of late.

 

[Arashi222]

According to my mom I am like that alot. I tend to get obsessed with something and I will find always to afford it. It bothers my mom but I think its because she worries about what I will be like when she is gone. I know she wants me to be taken care of. I know that I can not live on my own because of my inability to control my finances. I tend to spend money when I am stressed. I often make a dollie purchase of somekind or teddy purchase or something to stave off the impact of the stress until I can deal with it.

 

[Csutelan]

I am not so much hooked on promotions but I definitely have an issue with obsessive spending. Once I get my mind on something, I have trouble letting it go. I also find that I tend to follow and look for associations between objects which leads to even more spending. For example, I will purchase I book I am interested in. I then research it in great depth and find out everything I can about it, including information about the author, publisher, the contents (of course), etc. If in my research, I find out that the book or the author was inspired by another book, I may suddenly develop a desire to acquire that one. My library is like a web of connected books, authors, ideas and expenditures. My wife tolerates my interest reasonably well but I find it hard to keep in check (no pun intended).

 

[wyverary]

Speaking as the guy who, a couple of months ago, spent almost $1500 on a new laptop and a couple weeks ago $200 on new speakers, yes, I can get quite obsessed with something and not be able to rest my thoughts until I've acquired what I am convinced I need. It's a very bad habit, especially for a low-income person such as I. I'm the king of rationalizing such things - convincing myself that what I desire to replace is, indeed, about to kick the bucket. My old laptop and my old speakers are still functioning just fine.

 

[King_Oni]

I don't care for promotions, unless they're included if I'm there anyway. Subway gives me stamps when I buy a sandwich there; and I actually prefer that place to sit down for something to eat over McDonalds anyway. The supermarket nearby gives stamps... for every 1 euro spent, you can buy a stamp for 10 cents. If you've accumulated 490 stamps, you can trade them in for 52 bucks... so you're making a 3 euro profit on it. I pretty much see it as a bit of saving; I could put 10 cents in a jar for every euro spent as well I guess. I'm just not having those 3 bucks extra. Does this make me go to that store more? No, not really... but it's the closest supermarket now, so that's why I end up there. And I need groceries anyway.

I'm somewhere in the middle with obsessive spending I guess. Yes, I'm somewhat terrible with money, but I can tell myself "I'll wait" or "I don't need this right now" from time to time. I've made up a list of stuff I need to buy (aside from eventual luxuries), so I have an overview of priorities. Such a list includes some clothing, replacement parts for my computer (yes; I feel those are neccesities to some degree).

My main gripe with spending money is, that I should save more than I'm doing now. It's not that I can't have money left at the end of the month, but I feel that, above anything else, I need to keep busy with something that I want to keep busy with. And those things apparently cost me money. That's probably true for a lot of us. It's a way to keep my mind focused on things to not slip into a severe depression, passivity or worse. I've talked to therapists about this behaviour, but telling me I couldn't spend money to keep busy, is pretty much telling me "you can't have interest in activity X"... chances are I'll move on and find activity Y... which costs money as well. Heck; I'm going as far as... if I want something free, harming myself and others would be one way it could go. That's probably born out of boredom.

Example; early this year I picked up an old hobby I had (tabletop wargaming). I figured it would be both a good way to keep myself busy, as well as spending time doing something that requires some skill (painting/modelling). Before that; I was just as broke as I am now. The money I spend on models and paints now, I spend on drinks at a pub or club before. Way back; in the end of 2010/start of 2011. For roughly 6 months, I just was hanging out with a friend. We pretty much never left the house. We didn't have any hobbies, aside from some guitar (but that didn't cost a lot of money) at the time and just talked a lot. And at that time, I had roughly the same income I had as now; and I was way more broke than I am now. I got behind on healthinsurance bills and all... and I didn't even have any worthwhile hobbies. The only thing we spent money on was some groceries, but that's not nearly my monthly money (so I'm actually wondering if I should look into this, lol). Before that period; when I had a girlfriend, I spent money on... going places with her, and making somewhat sure we killed time with stuff we liked (but that's a joint expense I guess). And before that; I just did a lot of clubbing actually... before that I had a job; made more money than I have now, saved some (but savings & unemployment don't go hand in hand apparently).

So looking at the past say... 4 years, I don't know if I'm terrible with money as such. I don't feel that it's as simple as "don't spend". Take in consideration ones mental state, wellbeing, amount of spare time to kill, employment perspectives and more of that. There's more to it than just putting money in a savings account. I feel I have to get by on a day to day basis in terms of activities. And those activities are related to how I feel doing activity X. For a while I spend time on doing music related stuff, but I don't feel like that right now. I could read; but I feel that reading, just for the heck of reading is silly. I could go through a book a day (and if it's a good book I surely will). Besides; I am willing to argue that even reading costs money, books, technically aren't free either. Movies; ditto. However, I'm quite sure that because there's a lot of stuff to be found online (for less ), I'm not less broke financially, but I'm at least a bit richer culturally. But still; I have to be in the mood to engage in some activity. Watching a movie when I'm not up for it results in me not having a clue what the movie is about. Which is just as much of a waste of time as staring at the ceiling for 2 hours.

Also; and that's where a bit of obsession comes from. If I'm busy with X I can't be bothered to run out of money for X. Picking up interests and activities already requires some effort for me to get into. If I'm hooked, I'm doing it 20 to 24 hours a day, until I'm through with it. Having a stop-go thing because I'm out of money all the time will probably put a stop to gaining interest and I'll move on to something else... which in the "worst case" could just as well be drinking.

Back, when I had a job and clearly had more money, I did spend a fair amount of money on "luxuries". Did I need them? On a practical note, not really... but I had to fight my depression I got from doing a menial job daily. That's how I tried to manage and cope with it. Spending money on things I love... can't help my mind needs more comforting than my monthly paycheck can afford (so to say). I saw a therapist for this depression back then, and as soon as I was fired, my expenses decreased a bit, as did my mood stabilize a bit again. Looking at my situation now; no job, lots of sparetime, and less money (and as such less money for hobbies even), I'm feeling way better than I was did when I had a job... so clearly, money doesn't generate happiness.

Consider this; With my current hobby is that I don't neccesarily like just the painting and all of it. Otherwise, I could opt to buy a figure, paint it, remove paint, paint again... rinse repeat. There's no fun in that for me... if so, that would be the best solution. For me it's a bit of "collecting" an army and eventually playing a few games here and there. The big issue I have with it now is that I paint faster than I can afford models... and painting slower isn't fun for me. To put it in perspective; In august I started a new army. Over a weekend (friday to sunday), I assembled and painted the entire army... over 50 figures... which is in terms of retail worth was about $200 (got em a lot cheaper elsewhere though). Extrapolating that to a day to day basis... I couldn't afford this with an average paycheck. Think about this kind of perspective whenever you read a book if you're bored. Finish a book a day? Can you afford 30 a month? That's where I might worry a bit, lol.

 

[Thea]

To manage my finances so I'm not constantly blowing all my money on impulse buys I have a notebook where I record my bills and expenses for each income period. I find it frustrating not being able to buy the things I want, and occasionally the things I need. I'm also really really bad at saving. I'll see the money and go, "I'll spend it on this thing and then pay it back later". By which point I can't afford to pay it back.

 

[Berianireth]

I'm more of a ritualistic spender than an obsessive spender. I used to have trouble keeping track of my money though. I get into ruts so easily I guess... these days I have trouble figuring out that I have enough money to do something because my family has been having so much trouble.
Hilarious if you're a fly on the wall.

 

[Mrshabi]

I am blessed so far to be able to manage my son's money, I have his "pockets" set up and he has access to all his money, but he knows that whatever is in checking he can have and blow, because I just take his rent and expenses out for him. Am I a bad mother?

 

[Flower44590]

I am blessed so far to be able to manage my son's money, I have his "pockets" set up and he has access to all his money, but he knows that whatever is in checking he can have and blow, because I just take his rent and expenses out for him. Am I a bad mother?

No, you're not a bad mother.

Have you ever assessed what he knows about money management and tried to teach him how to manage the money? It is concerning if he doesn't have any idea. I have found, for me, spending money is like anything else in my life and it is highly scripted (I plan what amount of money from each paycheck is going where) and follows rituals (pay all the bills while at my desk) and routines (get a receipt, put it in the transaction register as soon as returning to the car) I have very little financial worries (until my routine is messed with haha), live comfortably and I don't exactly make bags of money. He may be able to handle his own money well one day. Don't be discouraged.

 

[Mrshabi]

Flower44590, I have taught him the envelope system. He makes daily tips in cash which worked out perfectly until he started leaving his wads of money around the house. That is when I took it upon myself to get it in the bank for him, he has a checking and savings and I just deposit it. I do that mainly for safety reasons. I guess I am spending too much time playing "woulda, shoulda, coulda" games instead of being happy with his small victories. Thanks

 

[Flower44590]

For me I will put off putting money in the bank to avoid going in public. The bank and post office in particular are odd places for me. My husband showed me how I can make deposits at the drive thru.
Have you asked him why he isn't making important to put the money in the bank? It could be something simple, like my problem was.