Obsessive

[Martin Hazel 1988]

Hi Everyone,

First time poster. Self diagnosed Aspergers but in the system currently seeking official diagnosis.

I have suffered for the majority of my life with a number of symptoms associated with Aspegers. It has greatly effected my personal life with my social interactions. As a consequence, my friendships and romantic relationships have suffered.

Basically i dont feel comfortable and confident in my own skin. I know the person i want to be, but only show it in flashes. Everything needs to be planned to a T and if the plan changes i become uncomfortable. My facial expressions dont match my feelings.

Also i have obsessions about people. Its in a harmless manner but it frustrates. I am loyal to a point where it makes me deluded. In my personal life, i have split and re-coupled multiple times with a girlfriend. But throghout the years i am still "obsessed" with her, despite the heartbreak she brings. I must stress that i am not harmful in my obsession, the extent is "social media stalking". Despite my best efforts i cannot shake the feelings. I have had multiple brief relationships in between, but i am unable to feel emotion but for her. I have read recently that this is a symptom of Aspergers. Frankly i am relieved. I also have similar obsessions with sports teams/athletes. To the point where it my favourite Boxer gets beat, i find a way to justify it in my mind and convince myself there is a reason why.

Any help or advice would be appreciated. Maybe i am just a love sick puppy haha
Sincerely
Martin
X

 

[tree]

 

[Streetwise]

welcome

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

Welcome, @Martin Hazel 1988. You have found the right place. Lots of great people and lots of great information already posted on this forum. Dip your toe in the water to make sure it feels right. If it does, then plunge right in!

 

[OkRad]

Yup;. I get attached something awful.

It is terribly, terribly painful when I realize it. Usually they tend to be amused.

This is the time line-

1. First interaction with other person. This may be:
a. me starting it. If I start it, it's usually because they were kind to me (that is a rarity) and I wanted to thank them. I learned that is not a good idea, bad as it seems. Not everyone responds, but once in a while, I got that Long Stare and it was a scary connection. I have learned the Long Stare is BAD! Run from anyone who gives it to you even if you messed up and started it.
or
b. they may start it. Usually with them, it's curiosity and I take it for interest. They might start saying things like, "You'd be happier if you opened up, " etc........ Or someone mimght give you a hug (hideous) or tell you they like you being around (uh oh). To them, it's their job, maybe, or a way to get more people into their group. To me, it's lke pure gold, but I never knew that till recently.

2. This all starts me thinking about them too much. I THOUGHT there was a connection. I start to do nice things and maybe send notes, etc......

3. When I realize it's too late. This is the part that hurts so bad that now I isolate and refuse to talk in public and if people come near me, I back off and people try to hug me, I LITERALLY push them away.....This is when I start to dress in ways they might like and forms my thoughts around their likes when they are not doing any of these things. I try to stop, but can't

Each person that "got in" is still there. They are all having a party, trouble is I am not even invited. It's got to be some kind of serious mental illness. They take right over.

I am a strong person with strong beliefs, so no one would even believe me if I tried to explain it.

It is like toxoplasosis to a rat. Infects the rats and they stand right in front of the cat. HERE I AM.

So yeah.....people are like a virus to my brain.

ANd it is never the people I LOVE AND WANT in there. It's starngers.

My brain..........into the fire of cremation it will go . hehehehehe to it.

 

[Myway]

Hello and welcome to AC.