OCD causing too much stress

[Matthew Behnke]

I feel sorry for posting another thread about this, but I think it’s needed because of the fact it’s such a serious issue.

Recently I have had killer thoughts and intense ones too, to the point that sometimes they made me break down and cry.

One of them was about my past, it was this one person who once was with me on VK, they blocked me because at the time my first person I liked wasn’t too nice to me.

After I got into a conversation with that person while depressed over my first person I liked, they didn’t reply and I didn’t know if they were okay with me or not.

I met my second love in another conversation after we talked about how I was depressed over my first love and then I met her.

Months later we got along well and we loved each other, but recently, I had woken up and had extreme anxiety.

I felt guilt because the person I was worried about was someone who was only friend of me and her.

That same person I put in my top ten friend list on Instagram because I was afraid I would be mean due to my OCD and then I was scared if they disliked me or not.

They didn’t block me on Instagram despite my conversations back at the time but I was too afraid to tell my love about it because I was afraid that same person would find out and do something to me.

I know my girl I love is older than that person and is 16, more mature, and knows my disability, but I am not sure if I should tell either her or someone I know.

Then my OCD made me extremely guilt over follower lists and that made me seem like a bad person, it started thinking things I would never do to the person I love and I know I want her to feel good.

I don’t know what to do but personally I know deep down that I need her and I would rather be with her than to feel hopeless and have nothing.

I mean yes, I generally am okay with her relations in her personal life but I just want to feel comfortable and don’t want to end up with my OCD causing misunderstanding and potentially being destructive.

She seems like a really nice person, I feel safe in her hands and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else, I know deep down I did nothing wrong and that I still have feelings for her despite my mental health not being best.

Trying to navigate her culture while also dealing with my own situation is not easy, I generally have to deal with people on a daily basis and to keep stability of my destructive disorder.

I fear one day my OCD will turn me into a bad person or will try to remove what makes me happy, it’s caused conflicts within my own feelings and has made me ashamed of my own thoughts sometimes.

I try to be a strong person but strong feelings cannot always solve such tough situations and I know I will eventually have to find other ways to help.

 

[Judge]

I feel sorry for posting another thread about this, but I think it’s needed because of the fact it’s such a serious issue.

I try to be a strong person but strong feelings cannot always solve such tough situations and I know I will eventually have to find other ways to help.

Couldn't agree more. I can be highly philosophical about being on the spectrum of autism. But my OCD nags at me all the time, even when I am totally alone. Where I can still be my own worst enemy.

Where illogical and unnecessary thoughts, routines and rituals can still get the best of me. And unlike many of my autistic traits and behaviors, I cannot effectively mask my OCD.

You aren't alone, Matthew.

 

[Cazelle]

But my OCD nags at me all the time, even when I am totally alone. Where I can still be my own worst enemy.

Where illogical and unnecessary thoughts, routines and rituals can still get the best of me. And unlike many of my autistic traits and behaviors, I cannot effectively mask my OCD.

This is me, too. My OCD tendencies play with my head. And other people don't understand them. It is very tiring.

 

[Judge]

This is me, too. My OCD tendencies play with my head. And other people don't understand them. It is very tiring.

Yeah. I know the feeling.

I've always been quite reticent to discuss my OCD within my own social orbit. They won't understand, and worse they may think I'm nuts at times if I went into any detail about some of it.

 

[Cazelle]

My OCD doesn't always hide well, people think it's funny. Maybe sometimes it is, but they don't get how it is attached to the very fundamentals of everything for me. It is exhausting.

 

[Gracey]

The elaborate details involved in my thought processes en route to compulsions are the details I'm reluctant to share with others.

sometimes the studious quizzical expression from Mr Gracey; as I scrub my hands and fingers yet again,
will result in the explanation
"germs"

That one word justification would be less frightening than the detailed process of thoughts that led me to a sink in the first place.

I'm not sure he could handle it...
there's also the addition of him voicing an opinion I don't want.

To me, I'm washing my hands due to X, Y and Z.
To him, (hasn't experienced compulsions)
a judgement will be made based on his own experiences.
(little or no)

I'm neither interested or asking for opinion from him.
I just need to wash my hands.
After which, all will be well.
until the next time

 

[paloftoon]

I would recommend being honest with your partner 1-1 about your concerns and seeing a therapist at least once a month just to talk and work these kind of issues out. You can be proactive and aim for preventative so that bad things won't happen.