Spud58
Member
This might be a long and rambling one, so I apologize in advance (I find myself doing both a lot, rambling and apologizing).
Current situation - 34 year old male, disabled vet, just found out about Aspergers. My daughter was diagnosed and sent to treatment at 10 years old, hopefully she doesnt suffer through what I have so far.
When I was told about her, I did research online, and found it fit a lot of my life as well. I took a bunch of tests, results are on my profile, most point towards me being on the spectrum. This all occurred just before my birthday, and christmas which is 2 days after. Big bout of depression and antisocial behavior followed for a few days. To complicate my matters, I have a very low paying job, which is garnished by almost 50% for child support for my older daughter (whom hates me and refuses to have anything to do with me, even though she doesnt know me...), I am technically homeless, but I live with my ex girlfriend (whom I still love, and I get mixed signals back, I think, maybe I am delusional, but we sleep in the same bed still on account that she refuses to let me sleep on the floor due to my back injuries), and an older brother like friend of hers (not her type, so no, nothing is going on, he sleeps on a couch), I am trapped here unable to leave because I have to help pay rent and food, insurance and other household bills, plus maintenance on my car, etc. etc. I have no ability to save at all. Partially because I am ISFJ/ISTJ (the ISFJ side I relate to getting used and walked on by everyone) I can't not help anyone else in the house when they need it, and my repayment is never full or fair it seems. There is always an explanation of what makes things even that don't make sense to me.
Anxiety gets the best of me around new people, and her friend is slowly becoming less of an issue there, but I don't really care for his personality. Any time I am anywhere other than work and there are more than 3 people, I start to shut down and get anxious to leave. Lately there have been 4 of us in a 1 bedroom apartment. Her father (also someone I still care greatly about) is out for the holidays and is staying here as well. Even though I know we are good friends, with 3 other people living in such small space, it brings out my anxiety.
My job is a decent one, if I was on my own, had no debt and had a trailer or small home and not disabled. It is an honest job, even though we get slaved a bit. My physical disabilities (knees back and shoulder injuries, grinding, herniated discs, dislocations and premature wear and tear) have helped in the prevention of me keeping a job for more than a year or two, the longest being the military, and then video game testing for 3 years. I haven't been able to use my military skills (aviation electronics tech) because it has been so long, I was in school for that in 99, and the last year of my career there was in a warehouse job, so 2002 was the last I worked on aircraft. 9/11 and the aftermath on the airline market and jobs prevented me from working there, and having no social skills or contacts whatsoever, I was back to the job bounce. Land surveying, house construction, pizza delivery, mcdonalds, Midway Home entertainment (Yep, I have a picture in Mortal Kombat Armageddon!) retail department head, busboy, house cleaner, thrift store donation sorter, theres more, but you get the picture. Shotgun.
I am not very close with my family, they are all very social and very successful. As such, they have always been disapproving of me and my failures, and have not supported me as much as I have needed. Not that it is their fault, I discussed my possibility of aspergers with my mother and she agreed and discussed some things of my childhood that pointed towards it too. But it was mostly unknown when I was a child. My brother is just like my mom, very social, knows what to say when and can get what he wants easy. My father and I have not spoken in a long time (6-7 years) until an email exchange about family medical history a week ago. My step mother is cold and cruel, and refuses to even acknowledge that I exist because I am not hers. My Father got fixed after me, she was pissed that he couldnt and wouldnt get it reversed, and never accepted me as a result. Not an assumption, I was told this by my father one night. I dont think he remembers telling me, as he developed severe alcoholism, one of the reasons I do not speak with him. My step Father however, is a great man, aloof in and of himself but a great man nonetheless. He used to tease me and what not when I was young, from 8 or 9 on up. He was trying to build character, toughen me up. It sadly didnt work but I love him for trying his best as its not his fault!
So, rambling aside, my dilemma and what I need help with is this:
How do I get myself out of this situation I am living in?
Home - I need to be by myself for a while, but it is impossible to afford. Even with my disability payment from the military, I make a little over $1250 a month (child support garnishment). I don't qualify for food stamps, even being homeless because of my disability payment. I don't qualify for anything I have tried to apply for. Rent always takes up all of my disability and then some, Food, gas, insurance, phone, electric, and medication usually take up more than what I have left, so it is impossible for me to do, and always has been, which is also tied into jobs...
Job - I thought long about this a while ago, and I realized I would be happy doing something for myself, something where I can make things, even if its not very creative, I can learn that part. Woodworking, glassblowing, and photography are a few things I would love to pursue but have yet to figure out how...
And most importantly - Help finding support for Aspergers, because I have a long road ahead of letting things go and changing my views on how I am and how people treat me. From all I have read, there is not a lot out there, so I might as well ask!
Edit:
Forgot, I live near Denver CO.
Current situation - 34 year old male, disabled vet, just found out about Aspergers. My daughter was diagnosed and sent to treatment at 10 years old, hopefully she doesnt suffer through what I have so far.
When I was told about her, I did research online, and found it fit a lot of my life as well. I took a bunch of tests, results are on my profile, most point towards me being on the spectrum. This all occurred just before my birthday, and christmas which is 2 days after. Big bout of depression and antisocial behavior followed for a few days. To complicate my matters, I have a very low paying job, which is garnished by almost 50% for child support for my older daughter (whom hates me and refuses to have anything to do with me, even though she doesnt know me...), I am technically homeless, but I live with my ex girlfriend (whom I still love, and I get mixed signals back, I think, maybe I am delusional, but we sleep in the same bed still on account that she refuses to let me sleep on the floor due to my back injuries), and an older brother like friend of hers (not her type, so no, nothing is going on, he sleeps on a couch), I am trapped here unable to leave because I have to help pay rent and food, insurance and other household bills, plus maintenance on my car, etc. etc. I have no ability to save at all. Partially because I am ISFJ/ISTJ (the ISFJ side I relate to getting used and walked on by everyone) I can't not help anyone else in the house when they need it, and my repayment is never full or fair it seems. There is always an explanation of what makes things even that don't make sense to me.
Anxiety gets the best of me around new people, and her friend is slowly becoming less of an issue there, but I don't really care for his personality. Any time I am anywhere other than work and there are more than 3 people, I start to shut down and get anxious to leave. Lately there have been 4 of us in a 1 bedroom apartment. Her father (also someone I still care greatly about) is out for the holidays and is staying here as well. Even though I know we are good friends, with 3 other people living in such small space, it brings out my anxiety.
My job is a decent one, if I was on my own, had no debt and had a trailer or small home and not disabled. It is an honest job, even though we get slaved a bit. My physical disabilities (knees back and shoulder injuries, grinding, herniated discs, dislocations and premature wear and tear) have helped in the prevention of me keeping a job for more than a year or two, the longest being the military, and then video game testing for 3 years. I haven't been able to use my military skills (aviation electronics tech) because it has been so long, I was in school for that in 99, and the last year of my career there was in a warehouse job, so 2002 was the last I worked on aircraft. 9/11 and the aftermath on the airline market and jobs prevented me from working there, and having no social skills or contacts whatsoever, I was back to the job bounce. Land surveying, house construction, pizza delivery, mcdonalds, Midway Home entertainment (Yep, I have a picture in Mortal Kombat Armageddon!) retail department head, busboy, house cleaner, thrift store donation sorter, theres more, but you get the picture. Shotgun.
I am not very close with my family, they are all very social and very successful. As such, they have always been disapproving of me and my failures, and have not supported me as much as I have needed. Not that it is their fault, I discussed my possibility of aspergers with my mother and she agreed and discussed some things of my childhood that pointed towards it too. But it was mostly unknown when I was a child. My brother is just like my mom, very social, knows what to say when and can get what he wants easy. My father and I have not spoken in a long time (6-7 years) until an email exchange about family medical history a week ago. My step mother is cold and cruel, and refuses to even acknowledge that I exist because I am not hers. My Father got fixed after me, she was pissed that he couldnt and wouldnt get it reversed, and never accepted me as a result. Not an assumption, I was told this by my father one night. I dont think he remembers telling me, as he developed severe alcoholism, one of the reasons I do not speak with him. My step Father however, is a great man, aloof in and of himself but a great man nonetheless. He used to tease me and what not when I was young, from 8 or 9 on up. He was trying to build character, toughen me up. It sadly didnt work but I love him for trying his best as its not his fault!
So, rambling aside, my dilemma and what I need help with is this:
How do I get myself out of this situation I am living in?
Home - I need to be by myself for a while, but it is impossible to afford. Even with my disability payment from the military, I make a little over $1250 a month (child support garnishment). I don't qualify for food stamps, even being homeless because of my disability payment. I don't qualify for anything I have tried to apply for. Rent always takes up all of my disability and then some, Food, gas, insurance, phone, electric, and medication usually take up more than what I have left, so it is impossible for me to do, and always has been, which is also tied into jobs...
Job - I thought long about this a while ago, and I realized I would be happy doing something for myself, something where I can make things, even if its not very creative, I can learn that part. Woodworking, glassblowing, and photography are a few things I would love to pursue but have yet to figure out how...
And most importantly - Help finding support for Aspergers, because I have a long road ahead of letting things go and changing my views on how I am and how people treat me. From all I have read, there is not a lot out there, so I might as well ask!
Edit:
Forgot, I live near Denver CO.
Last edited:
