Secret Agent Dan
New Member
So I guess I'll try to do this and see what happens. I'm not good online; I've tried.
I'm 50, live in Northern California, and it has officially been determined that I am on the spectrum. I grew up friendless and alone, not understanding anyone, behaving strangely, far more expressive and creative than everyone around me but never recognized for more than being silly me by my entire family. Every time I said something crazy, my grandfather would just say, "Oh, Dan." I can still hear it because he had to say it a lot.
I got good grades and it was the '80s so nobody was looking at these things. I made it through 120 credits in college majoring in journalism but I could never finish. I didn't know anything about counseling or what classes to take, I just kept going to class until I got bored and went out and started working.
When I turned 30 I had my first bipolar manic episode that lasted a few months and ended with full psychosis and hospitalization. I didn't get much help, they basically gave me pills and sent me on my way. No therapy, no counseling, just 15 minutes with a psychiatrist every few months, and I had good insurance. I ended up being hospitalized two more times, both involuntary, before they found the right medication for me (Thorazine is not a bad drug). After that, I never had any more bipolar symptoms, and I have never been depressed a day in my life so that's not an issue for me.
I ended up leaving my job, and after that tried to figure out the whole bipolar thing. I tried some online groups but I didn't fit in, I didn't relate to anyone. So I didn't work for the next 20 years, spent all my savings and retirement, then had to depend on my elderly parents for support because even though I had been twice committed I was denied disability and state covered health insurance.
Finally, this past year, after being completely alone for so long and now slowly losing my mother to dementia and watching my dad try to take care of her I have to do more for myself, so I started looking for what else could be going on with me. I honestly looked at all my problems and issues and tried over and over and over to explain to my psychiatrist that I didn't understand anything and she never seemed to pay attention to all the things I was saying.
I didn't give up on myself, so I looked online and a variety of things that could be going on. I never considered Asperger's because like a lot of people I didn't know what it was and I knew it couldn't be autism. But by the end of 2021, I had come to that conclusion.
When I approached my psychiatrist about it, she said she had thought it was a possibility and had discussed it with my social worker. Of course nobody said anything to me.
I persisted, and finally decided to ask my social worker how I could get a new doctor. Suddenly, they're giving me attention and they want me to talk to a specialist and review my case, then finally last week the diagnosis is official, along with ADHD which I now get medication for.
So now every day is a new day. I don't do well online, but I want to make some kind of start.
My doctor suggested watching some online videos or finding podcasts, so I watched some videos about this and I can clearly this is what's up with me.
I feel like we're the cool kids and nobody knows it. I don't think of people as normal or not normal, I just want to be average. I've been invisible too long.
I'm 50, live in Northern California, and it has officially been determined that I am on the spectrum. I grew up friendless and alone, not understanding anyone, behaving strangely, far more expressive and creative than everyone around me but never recognized for more than being silly me by my entire family. Every time I said something crazy, my grandfather would just say, "Oh, Dan." I can still hear it because he had to say it a lot.
I got good grades and it was the '80s so nobody was looking at these things. I made it through 120 credits in college majoring in journalism but I could never finish. I didn't know anything about counseling or what classes to take, I just kept going to class until I got bored and went out and started working.
When I turned 30 I had my first bipolar manic episode that lasted a few months and ended with full psychosis and hospitalization. I didn't get much help, they basically gave me pills and sent me on my way. No therapy, no counseling, just 15 minutes with a psychiatrist every few months, and I had good insurance. I ended up being hospitalized two more times, both involuntary, before they found the right medication for me (Thorazine is not a bad drug). After that, I never had any more bipolar symptoms, and I have never been depressed a day in my life so that's not an issue for me.
I ended up leaving my job, and after that tried to figure out the whole bipolar thing. I tried some online groups but I didn't fit in, I didn't relate to anyone. So I didn't work for the next 20 years, spent all my savings and retirement, then had to depend on my elderly parents for support because even though I had been twice committed I was denied disability and state covered health insurance.
Finally, this past year, after being completely alone for so long and now slowly losing my mother to dementia and watching my dad try to take care of her I have to do more for myself, so I started looking for what else could be going on with me. I honestly looked at all my problems and issues and tried over and over and over to explain to my psychiatrist that I didn't understand anything and she never seemed to pay attention to all the things I was saying.
I didn't give up on myself, so I looked online and a variety of things that could be going on. I never considered Asperger's because like a lot of people I didn't know what it was and I knew it couldn't be autism. But by the end of 2021, I had come to that conclusion.
When I approached my psychiatrist about it, she said she had thought it was a possibility and had discussed it with my social worker. Of course nobody said anything to me.
I persisted, and finally decided to ask my social worker how I could get a new doctor. Suddenly, they're giving me attention and they want me to talk to a specialist and review my case, then finally last week the diagnosis is official, along with ADHD which I now get medication for.
So now every day is a new day. I don't do well online, but I want to make some kind of start.
My doctor suggested watching some online videos or finding podcasts, so I watched some videos about this and I can clearly this is what's up with me.
I feel like we're the cool kids and nobody knows it. I don't think of people as normal or not normal, I just want to be average. I've been invisible too long.
We are a diverse bunch, and not a bad one in the lot. 
