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Ok, just a bit of information....

L

ladybug

Well-Known Member
Can I ask, does a 'meltdown' have to be a physical thing...? because, my bf and I have had (i think) one recently via text....? is that possible...? he's recently said that due to the way my family have treated me and not acknowledging him, he couldnt really see us moving forward. (we've talked several times, and I've explained that,I agreed with him, that no, they are not supportive to me at all... so it wasn't directed to him- as he thought- but to me) My bf text was very angry and then he shut down from me for a few days...but i told him i was going to call him at a specific time, and we chatted and i explained (successfully i think) that I did agree with him.... then the last few times we've talked, its kind of like this big thing hasn't happened....!! ending our call with his usual... 'ok, speak to you tomorrow, love you lots... night'
We are meeting tomorrow and I'm not sure if now is too soon to bring it up to talk about it.... should i wait till things are more 'back on an even kiel'...? or confront it then...? its like he's now mostly through/over the anger.... so I do not want to antagonise him or bring him back into his meltdown (if that's what it was...?) will he be aware it was a meltdown...? was it...?
Can a meltdown just come after something has been building then, its like a switch, and everything gets rejected....?, I'm not sure.... any advice on if this could be his versions of a 'meltdown'......?? Thanks so much in advance... you have all been so generous with all your differing views.... its such a help!! :D
 
Meltdowns come in all different forms; so yes, definitely he had a meltdown via text.

Actually it is not about having a tantrum ie not getting our own way; it is more to do how it makes us feel. It is not a very nice feeling having a meltdown and so, it is again, not a case of: wait til such and such calms down and then we will talk about it. It is more: ok, this is painful to him or her, so will not talk about it again, until it comes up again.

When I have a meltdown via text, because of something my husband texted, it is actually wonderful, because I have time to breath and reflect and thus, no feelings are getting hurt ie because of face to face.

Again though, he is very uncomfortable with how your family treat you and so it is a difficult situation. He does not want to ask you to never see your family again, but at the same time, would be love it if they were not involved in your life, but again at the same time, would not feel comfortable.

Seems to me the logical step is for you to talk to your family members about this, because if they started showing you respect, then naturally that would help your boyfriend to cope.
 
Suzanne said:
Meltdowns come in all different forms; so yes, definitely he had a meltdown via text.

Actually it is not about having a tantrum ie not getting our own way; it is more to do how it makes us feel. It is not a very nice feeling having a meltdown and so, it is again, not a case of: wait til such and such calms down and then we will talk about it. It is more: ok, this is painful to him or her, so will not talk about it again, until it comes up again.

When I have a meltdown via text, because of something my husband texted, it is actually wonderful, because I have time to breath and reflect and thus, no feelings are getting hurt ie because of face to face.

Again though, he is very uncomfortable with how your family treat you and so it is a difficult situation. He does not want to ask you to never see your family again, but at the same time, would be love it if they were not involved in your life, but again at the same time, would not feel comfortable.

Seems to me the logical step is for you to talk to your family members about this, because if they started showing you respect, then naturally that would help your boyfriend to cope.
Click to expand...

hi,
he said... hes 'very black and white' and as far as my family (brothers and wives) go its a one way door..... I dont think he would consider even meeting them casually now..... :(
 
In truth, you are both better off calling it a day with each other, because if you do not, this will just be a case of: back and forward, with no ending, that will cause bitterness in the end.

So, get out fast.
 
Suzanne said:
In truth, you are both better off calling it a day with each other, because if you do not, this will just be a case of: back and forward, with no ending, that will cause bitterness in the end.

So, get out fast.
Click to expand...
wow..... ok, thanks for that!
 
ladybug said:
Can a meltdown just come after something has been building then, its like a switch, and everything gets rejected....?
Click to expand...

Absolutely. For myself it's the one time when I can be horribly self-destructive when it comes to relationships. And in one case I've felt remorse for some 30 years over it happening in one particular instance.

Best to try to learn what his "trigger" may have been so you don't set him off again.
 
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thanks Judge..... I know i'm new.... but i really*don't* want to throw in the towel just now..... i'm really hoping for some help.... not just 'walk away' now .....
how do *you* think i should proceed tomorrow.....?
 
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